For your viewing pleasure, the running diary of Commando, the greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger action movie outside of Predator to escape the 1980s. Without further adieu.

Quick aside: The main menu screen of the Commando DVD is just a picture of Arnold ready for battle with digital flames burning behind him and the occasional sound of gunfire and explosions.If I paid more then 8 bucks for this film, I really need to examine the direction my lifes going. Also, checked what exactly the extra features included were. Its just the theatrical trailer, thats extra feature, singular. My God, this film better be as good as I remembered.

Plot Summary: evil people steal John Matrix daughter,played by Alyssa Milano, he proceeds to kill about 200 people to get her back, thats it. Short but Sweet.

0:01: 1 minute in, first death of the movie, Unknown guy gets gunned down by his garbage men. Thats why you leave a tip on Christmas.

0:02 : Yep second death already, Random car salesman gets run down by the black guy from Predator (not Carl Weathers, the other guy) who was also one of the garbage men from the first murder, I smell a plot brewing.

0:05 : The next two minutes of the film are like an advertisement for Carhartt, nothing shown but muscles, torn flannel, and sweat, kinda like a Scottish womens wet dream(Why Im watching this again? Oh wait the blatant killing at the end, never mind)

0:06 : Ahh, the first scenes of Arnold and Alyssa as father and daughter cavorting and making merry in this really weird montage that includes an ice cream fight, special ops training, and a scene where their feeding a wild deer. It vaguely reminds me of boy scout camp, except for the ice cream.

0:08 I dont know what kind of property Matrix owns, but its got a pool, a stream with a wooden bridge over it, and the aforementioned deer. I guess back in the day an army pension went a lot farther then it does now, like buying your own mountain fortress retreat far. Seriously, his house overlooks the Grand Canyon.

0:11 Arnolds former general looks suspiciously like the lead singer of Men at Work, and he leaves two soldiers to help protect Arnold( we will find out soon he really doesnt need help). Literally 3 seconds after the General leaves, one guys dead and the others wounded, I dont think this movie inspired anyone to join the armed forces quite like Top Gun did.


0:13 (BAQ-Bad Ass Quote #1)Right? Wrong!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8K87H3T1UU

This scene is just further proof that in terms of Action stars of the eighties with awesome comebacks and one-liners, there was Arnold and then there was everybody else(Jean Claude almost dislodged him in the early ninties until everyone realized he was 4 feet tall and Belgian, and that Street Fighter movie sure as hell didnt help.). Seriously after finding that clip on Youtube I watched it three times in a row. You're enjoying this so far right? Wrong! PS I totally want the dead guys coat, it just looks comfy, except for the bits of brain that its now covered in.

0:14 Do you know how I know this is an 80s movie? The main character owns an american made car. Also If Matrix is the greatest soldier, how did he fail to notice the two cars that werent his, parked in his driveway? My guess is they pulled up when he was feeding that deer.

0:17 The introduction of the main villain, Bennett, who is easily leading the pack for fattest action movie villain. He looks like Freddie Mercury, if Freddie ate the other 3 members of Queen. Seriously you can see his gut hanging over his belt.

0:20: Matrix says Ill be back, good for Arnold to get that out of the way early.

0:21: (BAQ#2) Youre a funny guy, Sully. Thats why I'm going to kill you last. More on this later.

0:22: Apparently Bennett sent Moses Malone along to watch Matrix on his flight. Makes sense, hes a former season ticket holder for the 76ers, and Moses was renowned for his guarding ability.

(Moses Malone, moments before he takes the last flight of his life)

0:23 Matrix breaks Moses neck, killing him(Matrix body count: 4)
(BAQ#3)Dont wake my friend, hes dead tired.
I think Matrix is still pissed Moses left the Spirits of St. Louis for the NBA.

0:25 You can tell airline security has changed since this movie came out. No one questioned the fact Matrix just went into the cargo hold alone, and the guy he was sitting next to is no longer moving or breathing. Oh and he just destroyed some barrier that says Do not open during flight. Technically, it shouldnt matter since the plane is still taxiing at this point, but down the road that could be trouble.

0:27: Thank God there was that swamp at the end of the runway, or this movie would be over.

0:27: It looks like Sully stole his suit from Mac Tonight, or he made it from the carpet of a bowling alley that holds Midnight Bowling. Also he nearly lit up his cigarette in the airport. If hed try doing that nowadays he would probably be shot. Smokers apparently rank just above terrorists.


(Remember, when I told you Id kill you last, Mac?)

0:28 : The audiences introduction to Rae Dawn Chong, who gets second billing. Thats the largest drop off in talent since Randy Brown took over for Michael Jordan on the Bulls in 1998.

0:30 The soundtrack is laced with this awesome, playing in a rainy alley, while steam pours out of a manhole cover, saxophone, and also a heavy dose of steel drum action. Im checking to see if the soundtrack is still available.

0:35 This is the weirdest mall Ive ever seen; Its like 8 stories tall, has a full blown bar, and there are at least 3 cops stationed in every store.

0:35(BAQ#4) Attention all units, emergency on theater level, suspect six foot two, brown hair. He is one gigantic motherfucker.
Tried finding it on Youtube cause the quote doesnt do it justice.

0:36 Good thing those cops attacked him one at a time or he may not have gotten away.

0:37 Never mind, he just threw eight cops of off him at one time, and then proceeded to rip a phone booth out of the ground. If Im one of those cops, I'm sneaking away to the bar right now.

0:38 Good thing someone hung those special weight bearing balloons.

0:38 Matrix just knocked out the 30th and 31st cop that tried stopping him. At least theyre persistent.

0:40 Matrix and Rae Dawn just crashed into a telephone pole at about 60 miles an hour without seat belts, and hopped out without a scratch. Im about suspending belief, but come on.

0:41 (BAQ#5, and possibly the greatest action movie line of all time):
Matrix: Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
Sully: Thats right, Matrix. You did.
Matrix: I lied.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMkXY6MN96E

The body, that is supposedly Sullys, that he drops off the cliff, kinda looks like a My Buddy doll.(Matrix Body Count: 5)

(Sullys stunt double )

These are the things you had to deal with in the age before computer generated effects exploded. Humor wise Ill take the Sully death every time. Seriously if I keep stopping the film to watch that Right/Wrong clip like Ihave been, this is gonna take at least 4 hours.(Maybe one more time)

0:42 :Matrix just flipped a car over, so if your scoring at home he's carried a 1 ton log on his shoulder, ripped out a car seat with his bare hands, ripped out a phone booth(with a person inside nonetheless) , and now flipped a Porsche. The Bad Guys didnt kill him immediately, why?

0:44 :(BAQ#6):
Cooke: You scared, motherfucker? Well, you should be, because this Green Beret is going to kick your big ass!
Matrix: I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now, I'm very hungry!

0:47: Continuing the idea that maybe they just should have killed him right away. He just picked a guy up by his testicles.(Matrix Body Count:6) Seriously, If Im Bennett, Im dropping Alyssa off back home and hiding in Nepal, which would postpone my death at least for a few days.

0:49 :He just broke a heavy duty chain lock by pulling on it; you heard me, pulling on it.

0:55 :Time to suspend disbelief again, as Matrix finds the one Outdoorsman store in America that sells Rocket Launchers, grenades, heavy automatic machine guns, bullet proof vests, shotguns(can I please stop now?)

0:57 :The police have no problem capturing him this time, but miss the only other car in the parking lot at 3 am with a rocket launcher sticking out. On top of that they pull up next to her with like 300 guns in her backseat. She then proceeds to waste two of the four rockets, nearly killing Matrix in the process. Nice partner.

1:01 : Matrix not only kills two guys driving a jeep with an uzi, he starts a plane by punching it. I'd like to believe the Wachowski Brothers named their hit movie after him.

1:03 If you blinked you missed an early role of Bill Paxton, whose character in Aliens, Hudson, is second only to Matrix in terms of infinitely quotable dialogue.

1:05 : Did I forget to mention Freddie Mercury is wearing fingerless bike gloves, and the armpit area of his shirt is missing. If I can find a picture of this goofball, its going up. Oh, heres one!


(Bennett refused to have his picture taken from the neck down for undisclosed reasons)

1:08 : Matrix is wearing a rather tight speedo, and his, ahem, little terminator his pretty prominent. Strangely his taut physique is hypnotizing. Im sure theres a joke about firepower somewhere there, but Im not gonna touch it(no pun intended)

1:12 :Matrix literally has 200 pounds of ammo strapped on right now, and he just scaled the sheer side of a fifty foot cliff, the Legend grows. BTW: I am suspending the Body Count for awhile. Of the two hundred people he kills in this movie, 190 of them perish over the next fifteen minutes or so. Time to sit back and watch the carnage!

1:13-1:20 Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death. Shot of Rae Dawn Chong. Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death, Death,

Here's an appetizer of the destruction:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pxc1CPu9bqI&feature=related

In a matter of seven or so minutes he uses each of the following 1 or more times to extinguish some poor souls life: rocket launcher, shotgun, assault rifle, grenade, buzz saw blade, ax, pitchfork, machete, knife, planted explosives, and most importantly HIS BEAR HANDS.


(Island before Matrix showed up)


(..And after he left)

1:21 (BAQ#7) Come on Bennett, throw away the chicken shit gun, you don't just want to pull the trigger, you want to put the knife in me, and look me in the eye, and see what's going on in there when you turn it, that's what you want to do, right?

If you ever have the severe misfortune of getting a gun pulled on you , beside's the Bennett part, this maybe the most badass thing you could ever say. Its a psychological mind screw. Any arguments? Didn't think so.

1:21 :Considering how badass Matrix is, and how fat Bennett is, their final battle should have been about as even as the fight where Charles Barkley threw a heckler through a bar window

1:22 Bennett just fell backwards into a generator, sparks flying, gets shocked for what seemed like twenty seconds, and then just popped off and delivered some super punch. I'm starting to think the guy who played Bennett is related to the head writer. Its the only possible explanation at this point.

1:24 : One last weapon to add to the madness; five to six feet of metal pipe. Which of course he impales Bennett leading to the final BAQ of the movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-tRErs5UcI

Thats all I got. Obviously he saves his daughter escapes the island, blah, blah, blah.
Thanks for reading, I gotta watch Sully's death scene a few more times, in 20 odd years of watching this movie it never gets old.

Peace