stuff that keeps popping in my head
In this article, I am trying to explain something a little complex, so bare with me. By "reoccurring thoughts" I mean similar scenarios in my daily life that trigger the same thought every time. The emotions stirred by these events are Anger, Frustration, Concentration, and Inspiration. I've also noticed that each of these emotions has something to do with power. Either lack of, or in need of. To me this makes sense. When I was a little boy, I wanted nothing more than to be extremely powerful. Even though we grow up, we never fully out grow that desire. I want to walk you through times during each day that I feel powerless, and how my mind resorts back to child-like thinking and the images associated with that.
Overall, I'm a pretty easy going guy. But during the day there are little annoyances that can drive me crazy. It is nothing really. Someone cutting me off in traffic, someone taking forever at a store, that sort of thing. On the outside I'm calm and polite. But on the inside, I'm a raging lion.
Mighty Max episode 30: "Dawn of the Conqueror" has a character named, well, The Conqueror. He is a giant lion humanoid that's job is to challenge warriors to see if they are still fit for battle. During the second stage, Norman uses the Bellows of Hespetas to blow The Conqueror off a cliff and win the challenge. At this point The Conqueror says, "You have angered me challenger, and that rage only makes me stronger!" Then, he lets out a mighty roar. (If you want to watch this episode it is on youtube.)
I love thinking this when I get angry. Not only because of the strength, but in the cartoon getting angry makes you even stronger, and I like that. I think of rage as a tool, controlled, can make you more powerful then when calm. Now keep in mind everybody, this is just in my mind. I have never turned violent for any reason, and never plan on doing so. But in my head, when things don't go my way, I become very childish. The image of a roaring lion is all I can think about and I wish for super strength. Nearly every time I get angry over something little The Conqueror is the only thing in my thoughts.
Close to the feeling of anger, is frustration. I get the same thought in my head every time I am stuck in a crowd, or traffic. In these situations, I am again powerless. So my mind always goes back to the same two thoughts.
Did any of you have to read "The Indian in the Cupboard" in school? Well I did. The story was alright, but one part really stands out in my mind. I suppose a quick summary of the story is in order first. The main character is a boy named Omri, who gets a cupboard from his brother for his birthday. When he uses the cupboard with a key that belonged to his great-grandmother it brings the spirit of historical people alive in plastic dolls. But it's not the story line I want to talk about.
In this story, there is a part were Omri is being bullied and then pretends that he is a giant and sweeps everyone away. I can't help but think this every time I'm in a crowd, or just by people I don't like. Is this childish? Of course. That's why I'm writing about it. For some reason, my brain as a child locked onto this scene, and will bring it up all the time in adult situations.
When I'm in traffic, it's slightly different, but the same idea. When I'm going nowhere on the free way, I become Magneto. The power to move metal is so enticing when there are miles of cars in front of me. I always imagine taking the people out of the car first, I certainly don't want to hurt anyone. But then I smash the car into a little cube with my powers and calmly drive by with a smirk on my face. I can't help it. This thought always creeps in my head and helps me cope with things I have no control over.
But it's not only "bad" feelings that have reoccurring thoughts with them. This next one I find very interesting because of the impact it had on my memory. For starters, I am not a Voltron fan. Not that I don't like it, I just never got into it. Which is odd because I love anime. Anywho, I have never seen a full episode. Only bits and pieces here and there. But I did happen to catch part of one episode where Sven fought the evil witch Haggar.
Sven was the old pilot of the blue lion before Princess Allura took over after he was badly injured by Haggar. During this fight, the witch makes multiple copies of herself and surrounds Sven on all sides. Sven closes his eyes and intensely focuses to find out which is the true witch. He holds his sword up to his face, and extends his other arm out with two fingers up.
This is my personification of concentration. I was captivated by Sven's immense concentration to fight Haggar. For me to not even be a fan of the show I think tells even more of how much this impacted me. To this day, whenever I feel like I need to focus more, I think of Sven. When I need to concentrate just a little harder, I think of Sven. The ironic thing is, by doing this, I am in fact distracting my thoughts from the current problem that makes me feel like I have to concentrate harder to begin with. But again, these are reoccurring thoughts from childhood and don't really follow logic. After "centering my chi" by thinking about Sven, I then turn to the problem at hand.
The final reoccurring thought comes to me when I need inspiration. To be more exact, inspiration while exercising. And to be more exact, while running. I love to run. It's my time to relax and let my mind wonder. I hate when people use iPod's or anything else while jogging. I feel it takes away from the experience. But many times while running I get tired. I need to think about something that will keep my body going. Although the images change, it's always the same idea. A transformation.
I have devised a way to not only keep track of my laps, but to keep me inspired to do more. Each lap is transforming me into something more powerful. Currently, I change into a wolf while running. Exactly like the one from the game Altered Beast, go figure. I want to walk you through this transformation.
As most things do, the transformation starts small. The first lap turns my left pointer finger into the wolf's. I always start with my left side of my body since I am left handed. The second lap has now turned my forearm just below the elbow into a wolf's. The third lap has now made the change up to my shoulder. The fourth lap has now spread it to just about half my body. It's not a straight line across though. It ebbs and flows in a wave and only one peak can be at the center of my body at a time. The left half of my face is also flickering into the transformation of a wolf and my left eye is a constant illuminated green. The fifth lap pushes the line to be completely half of my body, but again in a flowing wave. Now all my left body is wolf, but at different times. I then repeat the process with the right. But the final lap is an explosion in my head. After finishing the ninth I instantly pick up pace as I see the transformation nearly completed. Lightning is streaking across my body as the two sides are ready to merge into the final form. I sprint the last part of the lap in what I can only describe as a self induced adrenalin rush. People have asked me, "How can you sprint after all that running?" Easy. It's not me running, it's a transformed wolf, and he's a bad ass.
It's this constant thought that helps keep me running and motivated. What I transform into may change, but the process is always the same. I have been thinking along these lines for a long time, and it never fails to inspire.
I hope you enjoyed this article. I really liked writing it. If you have any similar thoughts or anything you would like to share, please do. I love hearing other people's stories. Thanks for reading.