Lehi Roundup Vol 3 Episode One!

The Phantastic Vandal!
October 20, 2014
Right off the bat , if you haven't read the predecessors to this article what are you waiting for, get them read. NOW!!!
Lehi Round up

I’m naming this article after the semi famous rodeo that goes on in Lehi annually during its “Pioneer day” Celebration. A 3 daylong celebration complete with a horse parade, a regular parade, rodeos carnivals all that stuff.

In my last 2 articles that aired over 4 years ago I detailed a lot of my childhood Elementary years, This article I am going to cover the tail end of that, Junior High, and High school. These times were especially awesome and especially Horrid for me for multiple reasons which I will get into. So without Further ado let us begin.

Last year of elementary school. Rough times, Fun times.

So I was still attending Meadow Elementary.

My mom was a teacher/Counselor in the same school district as I.

It was the summer of 1995 .

The summer after my 5th grade year leading up to 6th. My mom told me she had just heard news that a good friend of hers that was a teacher in another city was going to move to Lehi and be my 6th grade teacher. She told me I would really like this man. His name was MERLIN IBEGG, and he was the worst teacher of mine and almost every kid that went to Meadow at that Time. To drive that point home let me tell you a quick story of something really cool he did for everyone but when it is brought up today on Facebook or whatever people AT LEAST IN HIS 1996 6TH grade class don't have the best things to say about him.

He may have just been having a bad year, And I do admit that we attempted to give him a hard time, But i remember him coming down hard on some of the biggest teachers pets and Honor roll kids from years past. I remember a girl in our class that always got straight As getting called out for something menial. A girl that would never get reprimanded ever for anything. I don't hold a grudge and I want to wish him the best. [EDITORS NOTE!] I just added this cuz when I did a search of his name I saw that he passed away a few years back and want to put out the disclaimer that this was my 6th grade opinion of a teacher of mine. I'm sure he was a great guy outside of work. Nothing but love to his Fam. With out em we wouldn't have these great stories now would we.

That's me second row from the top right smack dab in the middle. I think I was only expelled 17 times this day.
Mr Wizard of Camelot had a daughter that was married to a San Francisco 49er. At our school in Utah you belonged to either two camps. The 9ers fans or the Dallas fans.

Being from Texas essentially you know what camp I fit in,

so this little “good deed” did nothing for me. Anyways the grand Sorcerer of Evil Ibegg came to school one day and said that he could get everybody in the class who would throw him 50 bucks a football signed by all the 49ers 1996 team. Steve Young, all those guys. Half the class exploded with excitement. The other half in Cowboys parkas yawned. Any ways the reason I tell that story. To this day I have friends on Facebook who will post that ball that he got them and the following comment section will unfold like so.

This is one of the actual balls. Photo Credit Cole Austin.

“Oh dude I remember that ball! That is sooooooo saaaweeet!!! Man back in the day…. I can’t believe you still have yours! I wonder where mine went. Hey remember that Mr Ibegg guy? Man He was a silo of douche. Always had his hands down his pants, always had yellow armpits, and he blew his nose all day on that napkin and then at lunch folded it out on his desk and ate off it. Man he was something else. But at least we got these cool balls!”

I literally have seen this unfold on Myspace and Facebook at least 3 times.

Anyways back to it. It was the summer of 95, The Super Nintendo/Genesis war was coming to a close.

I didn't have either at this point but all my neighbors did.( I fought on the front lines of the Nintendo side of this conflict all of my life. Yeah I got a Wii U on Launch day and was living in China for the launch of the Wii in Japan and got one of those launch weekend too even though it took up my entire meager Chinese pay check! I even lined up 24 hours before the Gamecube was Launched only to have it fully available the next day everyday of the week afterward. Whatever I was the first one to score one in Utah I think.) I mentioned in my last article that at Christmas time I always asked for a NES but never got one. Well one day me and my Friend J.K. Haws were at my house (Which used to be his house) watching some Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and Xmen .

Remember back then you could come home from school and it was kinda like Saturday Morning,

A few of the channels used to run after school cartoons.

That rocked.
Cool side note I met the Green Ranger a few months back. Check it out.

Me and my wife with JDF a few days before we had our new baby son. PROPS TO WHOEVER KNOWS THAT TATTOO ON MY ARM.
I don’t know why or what I was looking for but I left the room for some reason and got in the towel closet looking for something.
Our towel closet had shelves on all side stacked to the top. I actually was told that before I moved to the Neighborhood, when J.K. lived in my house they had used this closet to store thousands of vhs tapes. They would record like everything and then people in the sub division would come over and actually rent movies from the Haw’s family.

The house was also wired up pretty cools so if you had a vcr hooked up upstairs it would give you whatever movie was playing upstairs to every room in the house. J.K.s dad , if you are reading this, I loved what you did with our house before we moved in thanks for making it awesome!
Need to stop getting side tracked. So yeah I was climbing up the shelves to the top of the closet and I started pulling down blankets and towels. (Again ,sorry I can’t for the life of me remember what I was looking for) I pulled down a hat box and all the sudden something falls behind it right at my face!

I shield my Head and blindly grab at what came to smite me. When I opened my eyes to see what was in my hand, I lost my grip and fell to the bottom of the towel/Blockbuster video closet KAFREAKINGPOW!

Like this only in my closet.
Praise the Triforce it was mine!!!!!!!!!!!

No not the triforce stupid keep reading!!
What was it doing hidden in the top of a closet????
Why would my Parents hide this it’s nowhere close to Christmas???

Man if i could live it in I woulWHAT THE???!!!

Turns out my parents had been hiding this ever since we moved to Lehi in 3rd grade…..
I will say that again..

Long story short. Dad gets home. I’m waiting with my emancipation papers signed with lawyers in tow. We had to get my dad declared an enemy combatant and he got shipped to Guantanamo Bay Cuba. (Good Cigars there I hear!)

Anyways I think about after the fifth water boarding session where they totally didn't torture him,

right around the time they got to the enhanced integration technique that has to do with a wet phone book and his face,(again not torture.) he cracked!

See it wasn't just when we moved to L town that I started begging for a Nintendo Entertainment system. I was born in 85 the year the thing debuted in the States.

Yeah next year is its 30th anniversary  I’m old now. I heard my mom was so happy one day when I was one I started talking. I kept saying "Ma Ma Ma." She called my dad in . “Look honey , Mikey is saying Ma Ma! Oh how cute his first words is-“MARIO” I Cooed . Yes Mario was my first word. If you don’t believe me check Wikipedia I’m sure its well documented cause my life is super important, ask any president of the United States.
In my dad’s confession he told President Clinton everything. He admitted that when we were moving from American Fork to Lehi in 92 our neighbor gave him the NES because our neighbor (CHUCK HOBBS, yes I remember his name. I am gonna get it tattooed some day on my face.) knew how much I wanted it and he said he had two of them. The story originally was that he gave it to him because it was broken and maybe he could get it fixed someday. That’s why he didn’t tell me he had it. Now when we discovered it that day there were only two controllers no Ac adaptor or rf unit. J.K. and I went door to door after my dad had got home and within two hours we had secured both hookups and a couple games. When I plugged it in it didn’t work right off the bat, so I gave my dad the benefit of the doubt. One blow in the game later.

I was in 8bit Paradise.

Later on his story changed that he did pay the neighbor for it but wanted to wait till I was older to give it to me. He is just lucky it wasn’t the Bush or Obama administration in power when this happened because he probably would have been drone striked instantly.
I eventually forgave my dad after the N64 showed up.

I lived right next to the school for those of you that have read my other entries will probably recall when I bought out the soda machine I buried the evidence at the school. I decided a few days before school started that I was gonna go say hi to my new teacher and see if he needed any help cause my Mom said he was a rad dude.
I got to the school and met Mr. Ibegg. He seemed like a cool dude. I volunteered to help him set up for school. I put together the whole class room for him. The next two days I spent helping out my 6th grade teacher. Seemed like a really nice old man.
School starts.

Dr Jekyl Turns to Mr Hyde.

He jumped down my throat day one. I was always kind of the class clown but the teachers previously seemed to like me, think I was funny or at least put up with me. I cracked one joke thinking I had a pretty good rapport with Ibegg. Sent straight to Mrs Rasbands Office, ;Our Gilfy Principle.
I really couldn’t believe it. Instant betrayal. I was like “FOOL I BUILT THIS CLASSROOM. THIS IS MY CLASSROOM.

I HELPED YOU COCKAROACHES!!!” It was a real Scarface moment for me as Mrs, Rasband and I Snorted lines of pixy stix in her office. She was a cool lady.

Everyone at Meadow knew there were two Class clowns. Joey Stoney and Mike Cameron (ME). They made a rule (NO LIE) After 3rd grade that Joey and I were never aloud to be in the same class again. Our third grade teacher was also one of our local church leaders and I think maybe it was after we dared this kid Jeff to stick a paper clip in the electric socket blowing him up and knocking power out in the room ,

must have been when the rule was written. Or maybe after I put the Kick me sign on Mr/Brother Stone’s back.

Or after Joey and I had a swearing competition to see who knew the worst words.

Joey taught me so many bad words and his buddy Tayne brought a Snoop Dogg tape to school once and that upped our vocabs even more.

In third grade we called Tayne, Tayne Cocaine. I didn’t even know what cocaine was but one time my dad heard me mention Tayne Cocaine on the phone, (His 3rd grade lil boy talking about cocaine on the phone with his buddy from church haha) Yeah, he almost had a coronary!

Any ways the rule was on the books.
Mr Ibegg was our main classroom for half the day, then we would split to music, science, and history. While we were in those classes another group of students had him for main class in the afternoons. So I had Ibegg Mornings and Joey, er JOEWEENIE Is what we called him. Had him in the afternoon.
He was Joeweenie and I was Mike weenie. You could catch us in the HIGHEST PITCHED voices possible at recess screaming JOWEENIE BO BEENIE BANANA FANNA FO FEENIE WEENIE!!! So stupid but we were kids, oh well.
Mr. Ibegg hated us, he Abhorred us. To the point where ( Now this is bible truth no lie.)

He got a huge cardboard box and put it at the back of the room with a desk in it and this was my seat in the morning and Joeys at night. We would write messages on the cardboard to each other. I used a marker and made the inside look like the canopy cockpit to the Thunder Megazord.

I would just sit back there zone out and read my friend Jimmys Star wars Novels. You know the ones. The ones that continued the flicks.

Side note. At this point in life I was going through a small obsessed with Star Wars phase. J.K. Jimmy and a kid named JORGE like HORHEY,and I would bring these Star Wars Micro Machines to school and rock the hell out of em.

Enough with the bad times this was also exciting times. My mom worked with this lady named Paula in the school district. She took me to her house once and I was blown into the stratosphere. I walked in and she had 2 or 3 sons and these kids had every single Nes and Super game ever! I mean everything.

They showed me what a Game Genie was and what it was capable of doing with its three code entry slots like 3 wishes to be granted!

And with it we beat TMNT 1 and Ghostbusters 1 and 2 Which I had not been able to beat up until that point.

Anyways The coolest part about their collection was they had every single Nintendo Power EVER. EVERY-SINGLE ONE.

They showed me this thing called the NINTENDO ULTRA 64 . I didn’t really pay attention or know what that was. I was to enamored that they also had a Virtual Boy but had more games for it. I got mine from Toys R Us for 30 freaking bucks. I had to wash a bunch of cars and stuff in the subdivision to get the money but I got the money the same day I saw it in toys R us.

Anyways all the sudden one of the brothers comes into the house yelling. He was older and had his license. “THEY HAVE IT THEY HAVE IT THEY HAVE IT!!!!!” He screamed. The Ultra Nintendo?? His brothers respond back as I look up from the Virtual Boy. “YES ITS AT TOYS R US RIGHT NOW , LET GO LETS GO LETS GO!!!!” Now I was still in 6th grade and had never been in a car with big boys or whateve, but my mom said it was AOK so we loaded up and took off!

I cant put into words that will do justice for the feeling I got when I came around the corner in that Toys R Us and saw the Demo set up of about 15 tvs and N64s.

I really cant explain it. I wasn’t ready for it. I had no idea it was coming. It really took me by surprise. It really to this day writing this I get Goosebumps and the hair is standing up on the back of my neck. It was like seeing the mother ship landing. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It wasn’t possible. There is no way games can do this. In full 3D??? I must be asleep someone please wake me up . This has to be a dream. I had tears in my eyes, REALLY it was so beautiful. I have tears in my eyes right now writing this reminiscing. It was just, so, damn, pretty. It was like your first crush,

or kiss,

the birth of your first child,

seeing a shooting star.

A sunset in a beautiful mountain pass over a waterfall.

It really hit me so hard I just stood there with my mouth gaping as the 3 brothers pushed passed me and all ran over to queue up in line behind other people who were already there to view this masterpiece, that in my opinion has more significance then the Mona Lisa

or Starry Night.

More importance to mankind then anything written by Bach

or Beethoven.

All of the Ninja Turtles of the Renaissance artwork and statues only could rival this work of art in its purest form.

Don’t ask me what rock I was living under that I didn’t know this was coming. I read Xmen comics, and didn’t see it in there, and the main game mag I would buy was Tips and Tricks cause in the back it always had all the cheat codes.

(at this time the only kid in the hood with the net was J.K. so I had to still use magazines for cheats.)

Yahoo Chat rooms was always good time at J.K.s house.
I just wasn’t ready for a life changing event of this magnitude. I remember you only got like 5 minutes and then Mario would kill the game and say “IT’S A ME MARIO , THANKA YOU FORA PLAYING NINTENDO SIXTY FOURA, WHO’S NEXT!? "

I distinctly remember not knowing how the eff to hold the controller. That first time playing I held the little joystick with my left hands thumb and fore finger.

Like this?
Yeah I thought Mario 64 was kinda hard playing it that way.

Or like this?
I didn’t get one until 97 when I was in 7th grade but ill cover that later.

Back to Ibegg, Meadow, and my Gilfy Principal Mrs. Rasband. So me and Joey were poster boys for ADHD our doctors had us both on every medications you can imagine , Adderall, Ritalin, Dexadrine, Clonadine, all that garbage.

Its like Walter Whites Blue Meth!!!!


Remember reader, they had me in a freaking cardboard box in Ibegg’s class. Suffice it to say I was getting in a bit more trouble than my doc wanted to hear about. My ADHD's power level was over 9000s!

( I think he was really trying to Kill me.)

Found this picture of my childhood doctor.
One day he put me on some new medication. I can’t recall the name of it but it made me into a completely different person day one.
I mean up until this point I was a rowdy get, somewhat troublesome but not criminally bad or anything. I remember I was in 6th grade but my parents still saw the need to get a baby sitter when they were gonna be out all night. I had this really nice baby sitter named Nedra and she had been my sitter since we lived in American Fork. I told her to F*&K off and I left the house. I met up with my buddy Herman. I really felt like a different person. I hatched a plan to runaway and talked Herman into it. We were gonna walk somewhere, I don’t know where . We were heading out of our sub division when a UPS truck rolled by.

I don’t know what was wrong with my brain but I saw it and said something about pulling an Indiana Jones. I ran up behind it and Jumped onto the ladder!

The car turned onto Main Street as I hung on I was laughing looking back at Herman as he frantically chased me down main, SPEED LIMIT 40. I started to think a little. What if this guy goes and gets on Interstate 15??? A minivan with a 90s soccer mom was following now and the mom was looking at me astonished. I looked back at her and gave a little worried smile.

Thankfully the ups truck turned in to Maverick Gas station 2 blocks down. I jumped off and ran over to Herman who was still running up the street. “Dude what the heck were you thinking ? What if that guy got on I15 and you were on it?” I laughed and played cool like I was awesome, but at the same time I was trying to figure what had come over me.
We stopped at Maverick and loaded up on SURGE and Flaming Hot Doritos.
We decided to head towards the rail road tracks as the sun went down over L town. Along the way I started chucking rocks at street lights. I found beer bottles on the side of road.

So of course we did what any upstanding member of society would have done and proceeded to chuck them out to the middle of the street making a blanket of broken glass all over the road as we went.

What the hell was wrong with me??? We got to the railroad tracks and we heard a train coming. I told Herman I was gonna Touch it. After the front of the train blew by blowing its horn I walked up to the passing cars and reached out to touch one. BAAAAAAAAM !! SMACKED THE SHI7 OUT OF MY HAND. I started laughing. We started to throw rocks at the cars as they past and then after it was gone we started chucking rocks at the RXR red warning lights.

I found this pic we took that day!
We must have been pretty loud cause we heard a guy scream. “HEY YOU KIDS!!!! GET OVER HERE!!! I SAW THAT! YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO JAIL!.” Poof we disappeared down the road.

The meds must have been slightly wearing off cause I proposed that we not run away after all and head back home. As we approached home it was probably 1 am now, the longest I had ever stayed out without permission. We had to walk from the front of Meadow Elementary to the back exit to get to our subdivision which was right in back of it. When we arrived at the front of the school what to our wandering eyes should appear? FRESHLY POURED CEMENT ALL THE WAY UP TO THE FRONT DOOR.

Some of the gems that ended up in the sidewalk that day. The expletive word “FUCK” was a real poetic beautifully worded statement that was added.


I also think the following sentence, “Mrs Rasband is A Son Of A Bitch.” Was added as a real groundbreaking (No pun intended) declaration that we so eloquently wanted to share with the sidewalk of Meadow Elementary. I mean think about how stupid that statement was [MISSES] Rasband is a [SON] of a bitch. “ That shit doesn’t even make sense, excuse my French now as well as then please. As I said before, I actually really liked Rasband, making this the only logical explanation... I was High as hell.

That’s all there was to it!
OH OH OH this story gets even better guys!!!!.... Guess how!!!!!
Give up???
Guess what our final edict in the stone was.
Guess what final Pictographalyph we left for our future offspring to remember and honor us by.
No guesses???
We ended that wonderful Night of fun by Signing our art work.
AHHHHH So smart. I mean I was high as the Starship Enterprise D, but that is just stupidity in its purest form.

So I got home. My dad was furious, My Babysitter thought I was a jerk. My mom was, well you would have to know my mom. She is just always mad at me to this day for no reason so when there was a reason it was meaningless. Haha love you mom! anyways so it was just another day with mom. Now think about it. My parents had no idea at this point what was going on or what we had done. And I wasn’t gonna tell em. Would you?

The next day I walked to school. Suddenly out of no where an idea smacked me upside the head. Dude they are gonna know you did it last night dip stick. You wrote your name in the cement.
You know that anxiety feeling of like a bunch of evil butterflies that worship Satan flying around in your stomach that you get sometimes? You know like you hear your wife was in an accident, or your father has a heart attack, or you get pulled over with 40 kilos in the trunk? You know the feeling, we all have been in that last situation and can relate. That’s what just hit me like a ton of bricks.

“ Holy Hell How am I gonna get out of this? Maybe they wont notice. We didn’t write I the cement that deep did we??? AH HAAAA I was framed!!!!

Yeah, duh, who would be stupid enough to write their own name in the cement!??? They cant possibly think we are that stupid. Can they? Really, it’s a classic frame scenario, I could even say Mr. Ibegg did it. Hahahah perfect. I’m Good . I got this. No problem. Ha Ha out thunk em again. Dummys!”

I had arrived at the playground now and was almost up to the inside of the back of the school. Now like I said, I was known by everyone in every grade because of being the circus clown of the school. I noticed everyone in the hallways were staring at me . Not just like glancing my way when I passed. Like hushed whispers and pointing. They knew. I let my face look worried for an instant. “Dude you gotta act like you don’t know anything man and you gotta take it to your grave if you get away with it.” I started staring back at people and asking “What you looking at.” As kids would scurry off I had to pass the main office to go to my class. I went the long way around.
“Okay I’ve almost made it to Mr. Ibegg’s classroom. I’ll be good. I gotta act like I would on any other morning. Uhhh what do I usually look like when I walk in? what do I say? I gotta act like nadda thing is wrong and when he asks me if it was me I will look so dumbstruck that he will automatically know my innocence. As far as they know I shouldn’t even know that someone has wrote in the cement since I walk to school from the back. Oh man this will be perfect.
I walked in.
“Huh Me?”
Genius response for sure.

You little Germ, Christian Herman already confessed about what you two jackasses did last night. I can’t believe you are Gail’s son. Such a horrible kid!”

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEF WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!” I Said as I turned around to go to the office.

“Snitched on, Ratted out, Squealed on! Oh I was so mad. Should I run out of the school and really run away? OH dude, I got it! Blame it all on Herman! Yeah if he is gonna be a mark snitch then I’ll throw it back in his face! Yeah he came and wrote all that and then wrote my name!!! HAHAHAH gotcha Herman!! But wait…. If that’s the case,,uh why did he write his own name!!! Think Think Think . “ Said Winnie the Pooh, but it didn't work.

I was screwed I knew it. “Mrs Rasband was like “What the hell did I ever do to you Mike?” I really didn’t know. I didn’t know what I was doing. Christian’s Mom Came and got him. My dad had to come in from work. Oh man I felt soooooo bad! They made him pay for the damage. He was so disappointed at first.Luckily he reported all this to the doc and they took me off right after and I got back to normal. Well Adderall Normal. Hahahah.
I now had been demoted from the Class Clown to the BAD KID. I didn’t like it. It felt bad. But hey whose played Doctor Quandary?

That was a game we played in the computer lab that year.

Hardly anyone has heard of it so thought I would throw it out there to the RJ community! If you can’t already tell I still have ADHD and no meds so I get sidetracked very ea-SQUIRREL!!!!

Junior high was coming.
It was the summer on 96 , we had been to visit Lehi Jr High and it seemed a lot more grown up. Lockers?

Snack machines?

No recess?


This place looked cool to say the least.

Ok Junior High was a whole ‘nother Ball game of stories, so here is what I’m gonna do. I’m splitting this final installment into a trilogy. So yeah I will get to work on the next two episodes asap. Wow. I didn’t figure the last year of elementary would be so epic. But yeah , it kind of was. Next episode we will have plenty of Fashion (Jncos anyone?)

64 and PSX,


So stupid.
Transition in friends.
These were my new Bad friends.

all that good stuff!
See ya next time folks , Until then keep it locked on RetroJunk!
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