The Horde were a collection of walking eyeballs that shot nasty eye beams at approximately the speed of light on crack. You had to crush them all before even one reached the bottom of the screen...a near impossible task.
Ultimately, we created gimp accounts so that we could "fight" our morphs against this imaginary owner. The patsy, which we controlled, would merely surrender every battle. This ensured a steady supply of money and experience to upgrade our monsters to the max in order to fight the Horde.
Let's be honest: who doesn't want a trained T-Rex armed with Grav-Guns and trained in...swallow your Mountain Dew first...trained in Beast-Fu. Yes: BEAST-FU!
The martial art style chosen by monsters all over the world. Ki-ya!
was a fantasy RPG born in a time when you could judge the quality of a game by the length of the instruction manual. That era was replaced by the one where you could judge games by the weight of the box, which indicated the number of disks. Nowadays the game comes on one DVD and downloads 4 gigs of skins when you install it.
I had a blast learning all the classes and races and spells. This game randomly rolled stats and you could accept or reject them. Inevitably, I learned how to race through hundreds of stat rolls, rapidly scanning them for those coveted 18's and then punching myself in the leg if I twitched past a great set of stats. In pen and paper RPG's, you just cheat.
Here is my stupidity story: I finally got my party high enough in levels to where my priest could raise the dead. That meant that if one of my characters died in a fight, he could be raised no problem. We then explored a dungeon and found a statue of a random god and the game offered us the choice to damage it. Being the vandalous adventurers that we were (see the Adventurer's Credo, below under Ultima IV) we did so. It promptly turned into a minor deity and started dishing out whoop-arse by the six-pack. We won, but at great cost. All of our healing was used up and most of our other magic, too. I did
have to raise someone from the dead, so that part really paid off.
The statue was still there. Do we want to (D)amage it or (L)eave it alone? Well, we already kicked this guy's butt, so let's see what happens. What happens is he comes back and does a TPK (Total Party Kill). In my shock, horror and stupidity I quickly shut off the disk drive hoping to prevent losing my beloved characters. Instead I corrupted the disk and they were lost forever!
For this game, Pirates!
, you actually needed a real map of the Carribean! Sure, one might have come with the game but how would I know, I used an illegal copy! Pick a nation and attack the ships of your enemies. Marry a beautiful Governor's daughter. Buy bigger and bigger ships and recruit armies of bloodthirsty cutthroats.
My favorite feature in this game was that in combat, no matter how outnumbered you were, the enemy couldn't put you down unless he landed a blow. If you were sufficiently skilled (and I was) then you could fend off defeat almost forever. Good times.
The Sword of Fargoal!
A beautiful, simple, dungeon-delving game. You explored randomly generated dungeon levels and collected gold and magic items in your quest for the big magic sword. I never got it, but always had fun until getting my butt kicked by a Monk, Wyvern or Spider of some nasty kind. 10 Thumbs Up for Fun!
Ultima IV: Quest of the AvatarUltima IV: Quest of the Avatar
had dozens of dungeon levels that I carefully mapped and explored. If I found someone living there, I murdered them and stole their stuff. This is the adventurer's credo.
Surprises and great sound effects made Wizard of Wor
a hoot for two players.
I had a blast playing Wizard of Wor
with my good friend Jason Shrednick. Get an emulator and try it yourself. =)
Realm of Impossibility
- Greatest game ever?
This is the first game we bought for our *new* Commodore 128. I say we, but my parents just paid. I picked it out and played it obsessively. This game literally hurt my thumb so badly that I had to soak it in ice water regularly. That was the same summer when I had headaches every day and ate the "New" Tylenol for Teens by the fistful.Realm of Impossibility
had more than just great cover art (see for yourself at http://www.mobygames.com/game/zombies_/cover-art ). It was an Indiana Jones style game where you ran around collecting scrolls and crowns while avoiding zombies, snakes, spiders and orbs. Your only weapon? Sacred crosses that you could drop, which the monsters could not pass. The crosses evaporated after a couple of seconds and wound up back in your pouch so you could drop them all over again! Endless fun and as a special extra you could pronounce the level "The Mines of Minos" as "The Mines of My Nose" for a cheap teenage laugh.
Thank you for reading this article. I hope you enjoyed the trip and maybe ran into some old friends on the way. Let me know if you liked it in the comments!
Everything I need to know about life I learned from my C64
How to turn someone on and get them to follow instructions.
Why you have to take a break--or the disk drive will stop working from the heat.
How to push yourself to the physical (strained thumb muscle) and mental limits (sheer exhaustion at 4 AM) in pursuit of a worthy goal (magic sword or experience points).
The importance of flagrantly violating copyright law by copying all your friends' games on huge 4.5" floppy disks![/text]