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What are the holidays coming to when you can't bribe a friend to help a friend that screwed that friend over?
-Karen Karen: Come on Grace, why can't we have an office christmas party?
Grace: Last year's was a disaster. You got drunk, told me you loved me and then kissed me in the service elevator.
Karen: I thought that was Valentine's day.
Grace: No, on Valentine
-Karen and Grace Jack: (Singing) B-I-G N-E-W-S! This was my puppy, BoBo. He got run over by a truck. Lucky bastard.
-Grace No kiss goodnight?
-Karen Will, I want you to know that I'm going to do everything I can to make Grace as happy as you have... well, plus sex.
-Leo Jack, I'm asking you to be my kid's godfather. Or rather, his fairy godfather
-Will Thank you, Homo-wan Kenobi.
-Will Sarah Jessica Parker. Hide me.
-Jack OK, rule number one. Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips
-Karen Up yours, Count Drunkula.
-Rosario Today I'm handing out lollipops and ass-whoopins and right now, I'm all out of lollipops.
-Grace There are no straight men. Only men who haven't met Jack.
-Jack Oh my god, I turned another one.
-Grace Lesson for today: Though the eyes are the window to the soul, the zipper is the window to the underwear.
-Jack Heterosexual marriage is just wrong. I mean, if God had meant men and women to be together, he would have given them both penises.
-Jack Gay sex is SO hot!
-Grace Jack: Will, you're going to be a great dad because for the past 10 years you've been a great one to me.
Will: Wanna stop for ice cream?
Jack: Nah.
Will: Want to go to a bar and look at hot guys?
Jack: I love you daddy.
-Jack and Will C-3PO wasn't gay, he was British.
-Will Women, can't live with them....end of sentence.
-Jack Let's touch tummies!
-Jack Well, you always were very fond of the nursery rhyme, 'Rub-a-Dub-Dub, Three Men In A Tub.'
-Jack's Mother Will: No, no. I don't want to have sex with you.
Jack: Oh, Will that wasn't sex. Okay, how do I explain this? Okay, when a man and a man love each other very much...
Will: No, no... Psychic Sue said I was going to spend the rest of my life with a guy named Jack.
Jack: Jack who?
Will: Jack you.
Jack: Jack me?
Will: No thanks.
-Will and Jack 'Come on Jack, let's try the back door.' 'Will Truman! Coming on to me at a time like this?'
-Will and Jack 'Okay, okay, true or false... I think you're great?' 'Um, false.' 'True!' 'Oh this game is so hard!'
-Liz and Karen Wow that may have been the greatest day of my life. I love errands. They're like mini-adventures for undesirables.
-Karen Looks like your new sweetie's turned his back on homosexuals. And not in a good way.
-Karen 'Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses.' 'Boys don't make passes at girls with fat asses. '
-Will and Jack Jack: This is bigger than the moon landing.
Will: One giant leap for man-on-man kind.
-Will and Jack No one in the world would believe you're straight. You're as gay as a clutchpurse on Tony night. You fell outta the gay tree, hitting every gay branch on the way down. And ya landed on a gay guy... and ya did 'em. No, no, honey, your gayness can be seen from space.
-Karen My God. If my closet were like this I never would have come out of it!
-Jack And they say Tinky Winky was the only gay Teletubbie.
-Will Jack, if I'm supposed to stay away from every guy you've ever slept with, that would leave me with... women.
-Will I smell liquor on my breath. You're drunk!
-Karen Why don't I just squeeze you like a sponge. There's probably enough alcohol in you to fill a hot-tub.
-Rosario Cher: Ya know dude, it is a little weird that you are talking to my doll.
Jack: Um I don't think that I need a drag queen to define normal behavior. But I will say this, the look, is flawless.
Cher: Whatever.
Jack: Ohh. Working the attitude. OK, you're good.
Cher: I've had a lot of practice.
Jack: Hey hey. You're not that great Mister Sister. I do a better Cher than you.
Cher: Ya think so?
Jack: Actually it's "You think so, hooooooooooooooe"
Cher: Are you kidding me with this?
Jack: OK, the hand is perfect, but it's more "are you kidding me with this, hoooooooooooe"
Cher: Get a life.
[walks away then turns around]
Cher: [sings] If I could turn back time.
Jack: [clears throat to sing] If I could turn back time, hoooooooooooe. Time hoooooooe. Time hoooooe. Time hoooooe.
Cher: [slaps Jack] Snap out of it!
-Cher and Jack You say potato, I say Vodka.
-Karen Oh, coulda, shoulda, prada!
-Karen Barry: Aren't his abs fabulous?
Will: Did he just?
Jack: yeah... yeah he did...
Will: Baby's first fabulous!
-Will, Jack, and Barry Say something Lesbiotic!
-Jack
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