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Buster Keaton? He must have spent three weeks painting the whole town black and white, and then when that house falls on him he doesn't make a sound! Not so much as a "My God, that was close"...
-Bill Rolf Harris... Number of legs... variable
-Greame But those aren't art lovers - they're Americans!
-Tim Captain Fish-Face has your children, if you want them back send 2000 wrapper from Fish-Face Cod Peices....but make it quick!
-Annoucer Don't buy string, string is evil!
-Tim What have you done to my pussy?
-Greame Tim: You're a looney
Music Master:Thank You
-Tim and Music Master When these three were born, we did not know who the father was, so we each took one.
Sometimes I think we might have made a mistake
-Tim Bloody Band of the Coldstream Guards
-Greame Your private life is no concern of ours.
-Greame (as the jester): "Once a Knight, always a knight,
Twice a night and you're doing all right!"
-Tim (singing): "Roll up, roll up to Camelot in 1973
And tour the Middle Ages for only 50p"
-Greame There is more to being a giant than size, you know
-The Giant Graeme: "You've seen Saturday Night Fever, haven't you?"
Tim: "It's X-rated. I'd be too scared."
-Greame and Tim Tim: "Graeme, why are you dressed as a woman?"
Graeme: "What! Three chaps going to a dance. People would stare!"
-Tim and Graeme "I'm wearing my tails, my top hat, my cane and my taps"
(referring to his 'tap shoes' — with real water taps on the toes of his shoes)
-Bill "Fun? There's no fun at the eisteddfod
'Eisteddfod' is an old Welsh word from the Old Welsh.
It comes from two words
'Eistedd' meaning 'bored' — and 'fod' meaning 'stiff'".
-Reverand Llewellyn Llewellyn Llewellyn Llewellyn When I've had a hard day at school
My mummy always makes it a rule
To give me what I like best
Which means a plate of lovely hot baked.... um, potatoes....
("Get it right!" - Gets plate of beans in face)
-Beans Boy (seeing two gumbies)
Hello John, Eric.
-Bill John Cleese: And Now for something complety different
(Audience cheers)
Tim:Push off
John: Kid's Programme!
-The Genie (John Cleese) and Tim My mum bought me some string today
Cos string is better than beans
She always gives me.....
(Gets a plate of beans in the face)
-Beans boy What I like best to eat
Not meat, not fish, not spuds nor greens
What I like best is
Heenz Baked Beans
("He's got it right! The lad's done it! He got it right!" - Then the backdrop falls on him)
-Beans Boy The vicar's daughter, she was there
She had us all in fits
By jumping off the mantlepiece
And landing on.... a plate of baked beans
Actually it wasn't baked beans, it was on her....
("Do it properly!" - Gets blown up by a small tank)
-Beans Boy When I grow up, I want to be
A spaceman or a sailor on the sea
And mummy says that all my dreams
Will come true if I eat lots of.... cornflakes?
("Get it right!" - Gets slapped on face)
-Beans Boy Last night I had some wonderful dreams
I dreamt I had a big plate of.... uh
Last night I had some wonderful dreams
I ....
("Get it right!" - Gets hit with mallet)
-Beans Boy Tim: Remember? The three seater bike? The good old days?
Bill: The giant kitten.
Tim: The giant beanstalk.
Graeme: The Ministry of Silly Walks.
Tim: I don't remember that.
-The Goodies (Bill walks in and see Tim unconious on the floor)
Bill:What's a matter with him than?
Grame:I killed him!
Bill:You are careless, you really are! Honestly!
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