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Does anybody have anything that they'd like to gesture? Anything at all? I don't think that particular gesture is necessary........Al.
-Marcy Ohhh Peg! Do I have to?
-Al A man's castle is his pants.
-Al Bundy WOOOOOOO BUNDY!
-The Bundys What chu talking about, Bundy?
-Gary Coleman Al: How was your day today, Peg? Anything interesting happen on the couch?
Peg: Well, actually...
Al: I don't care.
-Al and Peg I married you til death do us part. Which means when I'm dead I'm free to date.
-Al (to Peg) Marcy: We should just try doing something to keep our minds off the storm. How about mad lips? Someone give me a verb.
Al: Cluck.
Marcy: Now someone give me a command.
Ariel: Cluck you?
Al: *Smiles at Ariel* I like you.
Marcy: Let's just pl
-Al, Marcy, Ariel Uh Steve. Bundys we don't fly coach. Yeah! Bundys fly first class or Bundys don't fly.
-Al Peg: (Yelling to Steve)Hi Mom! What do you want?
Steve: (Yelling to Peg)Your recipe for raisinn bread!
Peg: (Yelling to Steve)Tell her to get a loaf of bread, a box of raisins, and a hammer! Bud: Thanks Dad. But there's something you need to know. You see, if you pour a gallon of knowledge into a shot glass of a brain, you're gonna spill something. In other wise, certain knowledge had to be sacrificed in Kelly's head.
Al: Like what?
*Door bell*
Kelly: What was that?
Bud: ...That's the door bell.
Kelly: Oh...who's the old guy?
Bud: ...That's Dad. Marcy: *Singing* "Who's the guy whose show is done? Who's tv hero's on the run? Who'll be watching VH1? Loser Al, loser Al, loser Al!!" Peg: Okay Al, guess what's under the sheet?
Al: Peg, if I didn't like that game in bed, why would I like it now? Let's Rock!!!
Al's most often used line before a fight. Al Bundy: "I wonder what the poor people are doing..." Peggy: I hate barbecues. I hate Labor Day. I hate watching buzzards circle while I'm having sex. Al: I hate Christmas. Mall is full of nothing but women and children. All you hear is, "I want this! Get me this! I have to have this!" then there's the children. And they're all by my store, cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. "Ho, ho, ho!" all day long, so nice as can be, I go outside and ask him to shut the hell up. He takes a swing at me. So, I lay a hook into his fat belly and he goes down. The beard comes off, all the kids start crying, and I'm the bad guy! Al: Christmas is not the time for regrets, that's what anniversaries are for. Al: Sex again. Peg, we've been married for 17 years now, can't we just be friends?
Peggy: No. I don't like you, I just wanna have sex with you. Kelly: I don't wanna sit around the house all day and sleep. It's like being at school.
Al: No, the difference between here and school is, you'll be outta here when you're eighteen. Marcy: I don't know why we even need bras.
Al: Well, I think it's to keep your breasts off the plate when you eat. Marcy: You know what would happen if men had breasts?
Al: We wouldn't need women anymore?
Peggy: And if you had what other men have, I wouldn't need batteries anymore.
Al: That's what happened to my Die Hard! Al: Greetings, vultures. Your meal ticket's here. Al: See, this is a holiday for the working guy. Celebrates all the people who work, so that all of the people who don't get to live longer and have more than he does. So, tomorrow, unless God willing I die in my sleep, I get up for me, and celebrate for me. Tomorrow, is Al Bun-Day. Al: We all have to live with our disappointments. I, of course, have to sleep with mine.
Peggy: Is that its new name? Al: [to the Ferguson] Daddy loves you!
Peggy: What does that toilet have that I don't?
Al: A job. Al: So you think I'm a loser? Just because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every morning when I wake up I know it's not going to get any better, till I go back to sleep again. So I get up, have my watered-down Tang and still-frozen Pop Tart, get in my car with no uphoulsty, no gas, and six more payments, to fight traffic just for the priviledge of putting cheap shoes on the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I thought I would. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never again know the joy of driving without a bag on my head. But I'm not a loser. Cause despite it all, me and every other guy who will never be what he wanted to be, are still out there being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week for life. And the fact that I haven't put a gun in my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner! Steve: Al, I'm horny, what are you gonna do about it? [reading Kelly's report card]
Al: F, F, F, D. What happened, Kel, you attend one? Al: $1750 for a tent to put over a house. Listen, why don't we just borrow one of your mother's mu-mus?
Aw hell, if she doesn't wash it, we won't have to pay for the poison either. Woman: I need shoes!
Al: Well, the blacksmith's right around the corner. Steve: I'm going to the game next week with Al.
Marcy: My mother's coming over next week.
Steve: Oh yeah? She gonna teach you how to bury me like she buried her three husbands?
Marcy: Steve! Are you implying that their suicides had something to do with mother? Peggy: Hard day?
Al: Yeah, you?
Peggy: Oh, yeah.
Al: It must've been, even the TV's sweating. Peggy: Would you for once think about me? I am at home all day alone. You're out there around people all the time.
You know, I need some fun too.
Al: Too? Oh sure, on the surface selling women's shoes is fun. But once you cut through all the hype, the myths, the glamour, it's really very much like any minmum wage paying slow death. Al: Old McBundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y. And on this farm, this was no wife, B-U-N-D-Y. With a no wife here and a no kids there, a hooker coming over on Friday night. Big luscious hooters and a pizza and a beer there. Old McBundy had a farm, B-U-N-D-Y! Peggy: Question two, who would you rather spend the night with? A: Your wife, or B--
Al: B. Marcy: All I know is I woke up this morning with a man in my bed. I don't even know who he is.
Al: Well, that's easy, he slept with you, he's the stupidest man on Earth.
Peggy: Al, we're talking about sex, leave it to those who do it. Al: Why doesn't the world die?! Kelly: Daddy, we don't have any food.
Al: My underwear has no elastic. Take it up with June Cleaver here. Peggy: Al, sweetheart, you banged your head tonight. You are having a hallucination. You're probably seriously hurt and need medical attention. Now go to sleep. Al: Oh, Peg, it was horrible. Sixteen straight hours of shoe selling mayhem. Last thing I remember, I was down on one knee, waiting on an over-flowing glacier of a woman. First thing they teach you when you're a rookie shoe salesman is when you get a fat one in the chair, never look up. I looked up, Peg! I saw underwear! It said "Saturday!"
Peggy: So, what?
Al: Today's Wednesday! Al: Peg! Three little green aliens came in here and...they stole my socks!
Peggy: Honey, were they green before or after they touched your socks? Bud: When I was a freshman they flushed my head down the toilet. When I was a sophomore they flushed my head down the toilet. When I was a junior, I was getting cool. So they let me flush it myself. But now, I'm a senior, ready to rule. This year, he's back, he's cool, he's dry.
Kelly: Until he goes to sleep. Peggy: Hi, honey, did you miss me?
Al: With every bullet so far. Kelly: Pleasures of the flesh muddy the thinking.
Peggy: She's right, you know. I saved myself for marriage.
Al: Oh, come on! The football team retired *her* jersey!
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