|
Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war and rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one.
-Henry Blake I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions.
-Hawkeye Individuality is fine, so long as everybody's doing it together
-Frank Burns Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice
-Sidney Freedman I'm not going out there without a bulletproof couch
-Sidney Freedman Choppers!
-Radar I'll do anything! I'll wet my bed--I'll wet your bed--I'll wet the whole camp!"
-Klinger I was popular! And don't you forget it!"
-Frank Burns I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me
-Frank Burns You behave yourself, or I'm gonna come back and kick your butt
-Henry Blake to Radar Druid, reformed. They're allowed to pray at bushes
-Hawkeye My kidneys were expecting Orange Juice. Silly kidneys
-Hawkeye I peeked at the end, Frank; the Devil did it
-Trapper I'll save you the trouble, I know how it ends: Peter Pancreas marries the princess... Pelvis. They have a couple of kidneys, and they all liver happily ever after
-Hawkeye For you, Frank. It's a MacArthur doll. Wind him up and he returns from anywhere
-Hawkeye These are the forms to get the forms to order more forms, sir.
-Radar Oh yes, Lady with tiger-skin underwear
-Korean Girl Here's an oldie but a goodie...half of the family dying, other half pregnant.
-Henry Blake to Klinger You know what my brother used to call me when we were kids?....Ferret-face!
-a drunk Frank Burns A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I...I...I...I got a gaaaal...in Kalamazoo...zoo...zoo...
-a drunk Frank Burns Radar: C'mon, sir, let's go so you can practice shooting at the target range.
Henry: (singing)...where the deer and the antelope play...
-Radar and a drunk Henry Blake I'm not as think as you drunk I am!!
-a drunk My kingdom for an intelligent octopus!!
-Hawkeye Pierce Trapper: Sound off!!
Radar: (looking at pierce) Are you one?
Pierce: (strikes "fruity" pose) Yes...are you?
Radar: That's not funny...
-Trapper, Radar and Pierce (episode - 5 o'clock charlie) Henry: ...Our lines have been cut.
Frank: Now who would do a thing like that?!
Henry: The enemy, FRANK!!
-Henry and Frank I am NOT SHORT!!
-Radar Ah, nuts...I gotta go to the sandbox!
-Henry Frank: Why, you...you...!!
Hawkeye: I am NOT!!!
-Frank and Hawkeye I've got a soft spot for Klinger. He looks a little like my son, and he dresses a lot like my wife.
-Col. Potter ive gotta go shot some targets, and i did'nt even know they were in season
-Col Blake what hight, you have know hight to mke fun of, go get some hight we'll make fun of it
-hawkeye Gentlemen
-Winchester This morning was a very good year
-Trapper Oh, you...GUYS!
-Frank Burns Oh I'm not so drunk as you think I am!
-A Very Drunk Hot Lips I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just giner ale that knows somebody.
-Hawkeye (Singing) "Oh I like to go swimmin' with bowlegged women and swim between thier legs...swim between thier legs..."
-Col. Potter Well uh nudididity makes me breathe funny
-Radar (after he can't find Major Houlihan and Colonel Potter suggests he looks in the women's shower) Now Henry, don't get all Regular Army on us now...
-Hawkeye Frank, it's after six, you can stop being snotty
-Henry I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot
-Frank ...it's the duty of every real American to be on the lookout for goldbricks, pinko's and fellow travelers. 'Course without the likes of Americans like you the jobs of Americans like me would be a lot more difficult. But don't get me wrong, Americans l
-Col. Flagg to Hot Lips and Frank I'd sooner share my toothbrush with a Democrat
-Winchester A garbage truck... No better way to leave a dump.
-Winchester I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the A-train. I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down
-Hawkeye Music has always been my getaway from reality, but now, it will only cause me to recall this traumatizing experience.
-Winchester Klinger, it's my considered opinion that no one is going to believe you are pregnant
-Henry Look, all I know is what they taught me at command school. There are certain rules about a war and rule number one is young men die. And rule number two is doctors can't change rule number one
-Blake Henry: What did I tell you about coming in here before I even know I want you. Radar: But I don't like to be late, sir? Henry: How can you be late if I don't even know that I want you?
-Henry and Radar Hawk: We're going to have a baby. Radar: HERE???
-Hawkeye and Radar Charles: That makes him annoying; it doesn’t make him a spy.
Flagg: Why not? I’m annoying and I’m a spy.
Winchester and Flagg who is investigating Hawkeye as a spy.
Frank: "It's my metabolism. I'm hypo-thyroid. Very low blood-pressure, very low body temperature."
Hawkeye: "That comes from being dead for two years." Hawkeye: "Frank was once the innocent victim of possession. Through some tragic error they exorcized the nice guy and left THAT." Hawkeye: The instrument has yet to be invented which can measure my indifference to that remark.
(Hawkeye to Frank) Hawkeye: Maybe it's not her.
BJ: Maybe you're not you.
Hawkeye: Exactly.
(Pause, hesitation)
It's her. I'm me. It's us.
(Concerning the reunion with Hawkeye's lost love interest.) Winchester: I'm so conservative I make you look like a "New Dealer".
(Speaking to the investigator alleging Houlihan's communist ties) Hawkeye: (presenting new nurses with a care package) ..and shampoo.
BJ: (interrupting) Because we couldn't find any real poo. Interviewer: "Is there anything from home that you brought over with you to set up for yourself? Creature comforts?"
Hawkeye: "I brought a book over."
Interviewer: "What book?"
Hawkeye: "The dictionary. I figure it's got all the other books in it. I like to read the dictionary." Interviewer: "Do you see anything good coming out of this?"
Potter: "Not a damn thing." BJ: "I did three amputations before I had my first breakfast here." Father Mulcahy: "When the doctors cut into a patient, and it's cold, you know...the way it is now, today,... steam rises from the body... and the doctor will... (hesitates) ...will warm himself over the open wound. Could anyone look on that and not feel changed?" Frank: "I'm here to relieve you."
Hawkeye: "You do resemble an enema." Margaret: "That is so beneath me!"
Hawkeye: "I was hoping for that position myself." Hawkeye: "I will not carry a gun... I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even hari-kari if you show me how, but I will NOT carry a gun!" PA System: "Attention! Due to circumstances beyond our control, lunch will be served today."
|
