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Rosebud...
Yes, rosebud Frozen Peas. Full of country goodness, and green Peaness.
-Orson Welles It Stinks
-The Critic EGGS DON'T RIPEN!
-Jay Sherman My therapist was right, God does hate me!
-Jay Sherman ALL HAIL DUKE! DUKE IS LIFE!
-Duke Phillips I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL DUKE!
-Duke Phillips This is worse than that time you sucker-punched Mr. Rogers!
-Marty Sherman Jay, we have a saying in Australia... well, it's not really a saying, it's a drinking song. It's about a bottle of beer and the men who loved her... and it doesn't really apply here, but my advice to you is slow down.
-Jeremy I have a new girlfriend for you, son. Her name is Barbie and she lives in Mali-boo. She already has a boyfriend named Ken, but he's not much of a man, I checked.
-Franklin Ah, Naples. Why go to the city when you can bite the cookie that bears thy name?
-Jay Sherman Jay: It worked! I'm a doc! I'm a happy, sneezy doc! *yawns* I'm a sleepy, happy, sneezy doc. I'd better get to bed or I'll be a grumpy, dopey, sleepy, happy, sneezy doc. Bashful? Jay, Los Angeles is like a big Apple, the windy city, the cradle of civilization, the red planet! No wait, that's New York, Chicago, Babylonia, and Mars
-Jeremy Hawke Franklin: I'm not wearing pants. I split my pants and now I'm not wearing pants. Dressmaker: We dressmakers have a very strict code, so I need to know. Do you deserve to wear virginial white? Because if you don't, you'll have to wear an off-white, what we call a 'hussy white.' So which will it be? White-white?
Margo: Yes...um...except for the gloves. Jay: This film gets my highest rating...seven out of ten. Jay: You are an insipid walking commercial, and your cereal turned my urine pink! Adolf Hitmaker: If you want the world to love you you must be big and jolly like Santa Claus or Rush Limbaugh. Shakleford: I'm sorry, Master Jay, I did so want to scrub your dainties, but they somehow caught fire. Why do they burn so long? Jay: I do have a way with women...over sixty. Jay: On the 'Shermometer' this film rates an absolute zero! ::Brrrr!:: Eleanor: Oh! Can't one dinner pass where we don't talk about your rotting corpse? Gene Siskel: Well I thought that movie was very poignant. Particularly the scene where Tom Cruise walks around Las Vegas with a bucket full of his brother.
Roger Ebert: Aw, c'mon, Gene. That was just another pointless sequel that didn't need to be made.
Gene Siskel: This, from the man who liked 'Benji the Hunted?'
Roger Ebert: Hey, you liked 'Carnosaur!'
Gene Siskel: Well I bet you'll like this!
[punches thrown]
Gene Siskel: Hasta la vista, Porky!
Roger Ebert: Cue ball in the side pocket!
[punches thrown]
Duke: Look, this isn't art, it's just mindless pabulum for losers who can barely read. Oh that reminds me, I've got an interview with People Magazine. Jay: I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight, size 42 pants. Jay: Take your genitalia right back to Australia! Duke: I'm giving you five days of my time to turn you around.
Jay: What if five days isn't enough?
Duke: Son, I spent just three days with a young man named Bill Clinton and look at him now.
Jay: Maybe you should've taken four.
Duke: Yeah... [on phone]
Eleanor: Jay, this is your mother. Your father and I are taking you out of our will, we feel you already have enough money. Oh yes, and happy birthday! Jay: Hotchie Motchie! Jay: Celebrity voices are impersonated. No celebrities were harmed in the filming of this episode. Jay: Skull cracked. Brains leaking out. Can't wait to see new Chevy Chase movie. Duke: I think you're a big, fat toilet and flush all my money down...sort of a "Johnny Cash." Shrimp gives me gas.
Jay Sherman Hatchie MATCHIE!
-Jay "make him SQUEAL!"
-Duke "He won't steal the silverware, I've glued that to the ceiling."
-Franklin
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