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Hidee Ho Tim
-Wilson I don't think so Tim!
-Al (Heidi) Does everyone know what time is it!?.
(Public) TOOL TIME!!.
(Heidi) That's right, Binford tools is proud to present Tim "the toolman" Taylor...Woohoo
-Heidi and Studio Public I am Tim "the toolman" Taylor
-Tim Its the only blender on the block that can puree a brick.
-Tim Oh dear *starts running* Oh dear
-Wilson T: OW! I said a softball not a krokay ball!
M: It wasn't me!
T: Then who was it?
J: The Old Hen!
T: Oh, hi henny I mean honey!
-Tim Mark Jill Al is my assistant. He assists me.
-Tim Randy: Mark, go upstairs.
Mark: But Curtis is coming, I want to meet him.
Randy: No you don't, he is a bigger geek than you.
Mark: WOW! Tim: "Heh heh, you called me a dork?"
Jill (whispering): "I was trying to build up his self-esteem."
Tim (mocking Jill): "What about my self-esteem?" "How was your first day at high school?"
"Fine, except for the guy who asked if I wanted a phone book to sit on."
"Did you tell the teacher?"
"It was the teacher."
-Jill and Randy "Kids turn into their parents, I don't know what it is. One day you're going to turn into me."
"Boy, I'm gonna need a lot of medical insurance."
-Tim and Brad "Al! Heidi went into labor!"
"She joined a union?"
-Tim and Al "There are only two words in the kitchen for a real man. 'Can' and 'opener.'"
-Tim "This is not a party for kids."
"Ooh, what are you going to do, sit around and tell dirty jokes?"
"Waste of time, Al wouldn't get any of them."
-Tim and Randy "Tim, you growing a beard?"
"What do you think?"
"Well, I'm not sure. I could never understand why a man would want to hide his face."
-Wilson and Tim "I think men have a lot in common with babies. We get cranky when our dinner isn't ready on time, we like to take naps in the afternoon, and I don't know any man who doesn't love a spirited game of peek-a-boo."
-Tim "You know, ever since you went back to school, you've hardly cooked anything."
"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's been really hectic."
"Hey, I wasn't complaining."
-Randy and Jill "Something wrong?"
"Yeah. You know how I used to be so cool in junior high?"
"No."
-Mark and Brad "You are completely unwilling to compromise."
"I don't even know the meaning of the word compromise."
"You don't know the meaning of a lot of words."
"And don't you forget it."
-Jill and Tim "I'm picturing what it's like every time you renovate. There's a big hole in the wall and two paramedics."
"First of all, I'll make no holes in the wall, and you know what? It might be kinda cool to see Dave and Biff again."
-Jill and Tim "Barry Sanders just broke around the end for 50 yards, it's 1st and goal from the 1! We're gonna score!, Happy anniversary Honey!"
-Tim It's got 3 speeds: slow, medium, and who needs a man."
-Tim "It's got 3 speeds: slow, medium, and who needs a man."
-Tim "I need help. I'm thinkin of checkin into the Henry Ford clinic."
-Tim "We are enlightened men, and enlightened men help with the housework."
"What's enlightened?"
"It means scared of Mom."
-Tim, Mark, and Randy "Tim, you embarrassed me today."
"That's no big deal, I always embarrass you."
- Al and Tim "Tim, you embarrassed me today."
"That's no big deal, I always embarrass you."
-Al and Tim "Just go back to your tools and shut-up."
-Jill "The only reason I married you is because you're so sensitive."
"Now what's THAT supposed to mean?"
-Jill and Tim "Man's speakers, that's what I'm after. Speakers with attitude. Speakers that haven't shaved in a couple of days."
-Tim "I don't want to be a nagging wife."
"Then how will I recognize you?"
-Jill and Tim "The rental house manager has guaranteed me that I have the scariest looking costume that they have ever had."
"They've got a costume that looks like you at 7 A.M.?"
-Jill and Tim "Jill, you don't understand. I can't call him and talk about this. Men do not call each other and talk about relationships."
"Well, they talk about sex."
"So, that has nothing to do with relationships. . . Except in ours."
"Until now. "
-Tim and Jill "Jill, you don't understand. I can't call him and talk about this. Men do not call each other and talk about relationships."
"Well, they talk about sex."
"So, that has nothing to do with relationships. . . Except in ours."
"Until now. "
-Tim and Jill "Me and Randy are going to the basement to get some old toys for the shelter. We'll take them down in this trash bag."
"Why, that is a wonderful idea! Just take anything you don't play with anymore."
"Okay. Mark, hop in."
-Brad and Jill "I think of everything in this house as ours."
"What about the tools?"
"The tools are ours, I just don't want you touching them."
-Tim and Jill "This is junior high, you have to work a lot harder to impress the girls."
"So sticking straws up your nose doesn't work anymore?"
-Brad and Randy "There was one time I really got him steamed up, though. I was nine. He finally let me play with his butane torch."
"Well, what happened?" "I got to ride in a firetruck. And we got a new garage."
-Tim and Randy "Brace yourself Tim, something awful has happened."
"What, you saw your mom in the shower?"
-Al and Tim "Dad, I don't need to go to the emergency room."
"That's what I usually tell Al."
"Well, how does he get you to go?" "I don't know. I'm usually passed out by then."
-Randy and Tim "Tim is at his most romantic during the Dollar Days sale at Sears. All I have to do is wear a negligee and hold up a tool catalogue."
-Jill I think men have a lot in common with babies. We get cranky when our dinner isn't ready on time, we like to take naps in the afternoon, and I don't know any man who doesn't love a spirited game of peek-a-boo."
-Tim Al: I think one of these days, you're going to run out of flannel jokes.
Tim: I don't think so, Al. Not with my "Complete Flannel Joke Book".
[Tim pulls out a heavy dictionary-sized hardcover book labelled "The Complete Flannel Joke Book" from behind a prop and opens it]
Tim: "Why did the flannel cross the road? 'Cause Al was over there!" "Oh waiter, there's a fly in my flannel!" "Please... take my flannel!"
[Al snatches the book from Tim]
Tim: Then there's your handy wallet-sized version!
[Tim pulls a tiny hardcover book of the same color out of his pocket]
Tim: "How do you keep an idiot wearing flannel in suspense?"
[Al snatches the second book]
Tim: See you tomorrow! Tim: A woman? You brought me here to see a woman?
Jill: I didn't know she was a woman. My gynecologist just said Dr. Kaplan was the best urologist in town.
Tim: How am I supposed to talk to a woman about what's going on in Manland?
Jill: "Manland"? Now you got a theme park between your legs? Tim: A woman? You brought me here to see a woman?
Jill: I didn't know she was a woman. My gynecologist just said Dr. Kaplan was the best urologist in town.
Tim: How am I supposed to talk to a woman about what's going on in Manland?
Jill: "Manland"? Now you got a theme park between your legs?
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