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D'oh!
-Homer Simpson Aye Carumba!
-Bart The lamp's running away! Grandpa that's my dog.
-Grandpa & Bart Hey, you're right! It doesnt hurt any more. Now I can focus of my crippling emotional pain..... Dad, Daddy, why? Why wont you hug me? You hugged the mailman.
-moe I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
-bart Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.
-bart Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
-homer Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
-bart I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress - Hmm, that gives me an idea note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.
-bart whats the matter homer?
-moe I ate-d the purple barries!
-ralph wiggum the doctor says it wouldn't bleed so much if I kept my finger outta there!
-ralph I bent my wookie!
-ralph I cannot promise i'll try, but i'll try to try
-Bart God Schmod, i want my Monkey man.
-Bart I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to 'speed' around a city, keeping its 'speed' over fifty, and if its 'speed' dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
-Homer Pain was like a drug, but what was more like a drug were the drugs.
-Homer Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You strap yourself in and feel the G's!!
-Homer This is the biggest frameup since OJ. Wait a minute...the blood in the Bronco, the cuts on his hands, those Jay Leno monolouges?! Oh my god he did it!!!
-Homer The restraining order says "no no", but her eyes say "yes yes"
-Comic Book Guy Hi, I'm Dr. Cheeks. I was doin my rounds and uh, I'm a little behind.
-Bart Now, throughout history, when people get wood, they'll think of Trojans.
-Ned Flanders Le Grille?!! What the hell is that??!
-Homer I wanna set the record straight...I thought the cop was a prostitute.
-Homer *Gasps* Computers can do that?!?
-Homer I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals... fLAMing!!
-Homer No one's gay for Moleman.
-Hans Moleman eat my shorts!!
-Bart my cat's breath smells like cat food
-ralph Mmmm..... Beer!
-Homer Mmm...64 slices of American Cheese!
-Homer Surely there's no harm lying in the middle of a public street.
-Sideshow Bob Excellent!
-Montgomery Burns I WANT MY ELEPHANT!! I WANT MY ELEPHANT!!
-Bart English? pfff, who needs that? i'm not going to England
-Homer Me? Fail English? That's Un-possible!
-Ralph At my house we call fires 'uh-ohs'.
-Ralph Ralphie: Eww...daddy! It tastes like Grandma!
Wiggum: Hey, you're right. It does taste like Grandma!
Ralphie: I want more!
-Ralphie and Officer Wiggum Excellent
-Mr.Burns oh boy trash cookies, uh oh I think I ate a dog food lid
-Bart Why you little.....
-Homer *BURP*
-Barney Hi I'm Troy McLure. You may remember me from such educational films as Lead Paint: Delicious but Deadly and 3x2= -Fun.
-Troy McLure Trying is the first step towards failure.
-Homer Simpson I didn't do it
-Bart I'm Idaho.
-Ralph Duffman can never die! Only the actors who play him
-Duffman Stupid best friend Flanders....
-Homer Alchol is a way of life! Alchol is my way of life and I plan on keeping it!!
-Homer Oh ya drugs...you gotta have drugs.....
-Homer Well, I paid for this ticket, that means I'm going.(climbs out window,then returns) I love you Krusty-wusty.(kisses doll)
-Bart Are You kidding? I can pull a better cartoon outta my aaaa..hey hey kids! Wasn't that a great cartoon?
-Krusty the Clown WE HAVE A KITCHEN?!
-Homer Ah, my heart just stopped...Oh, there it goes.
-Barney (reading Lisa's Valentine card) 'You Choo-Choo-Choose me?'
-Ralph Mmm...Strained peas!
-Homer The other day I was so desperate for a beer I snuck into a football stadium and ate the dirt under the bleachers.
-Homer Uh, Homer Sexual? C'mon, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual! Heh heh, don't look at me!
-Moe and Homer Eat My Shorts!
-Bart Here comes Screwy, the mechanical rabbit.
-Announcer Awwwwwwwwww twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut! Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Explain how! Money can be used to buy goods and services! Whoo hooo!
-Homer Being eaten by a crocodile is like falling asleep...in a giant blender.
-Homer When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!
-Ralph Haw-haw!
-Nelson Ruff, ruff! I'm Poochie the rockin' dog!
-Poochie Pick me, pick me teacher. I'm ever-so smart!
-Martin I've been singing you songs all day. I'm not a bloody jukebox.
-Shary Bobbins Mmm...Chocolate, ooh...double chocolate, (gasp) new flavor...TRIPLE chocolate!!!!!
-Homer The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there!
-Ralph Willy: It brings us love KILL IT, BREAK ITS LEGS!! Smithers: Noo it's Mr.Burns! Willy: Awww, its Mr. Burns.. KILL IT KILL IT!!
-Grounds Keeper Willy and Smithers I must save the wee turtles! If I dont' save the wee turtles who will!? AHH SAVE ME FROM THE WEE TURTLES! They were too quick for me!
-Grounds Keeper Willy GRREASE ME UP WOMAN! ...ookie dokie.
-Grounds Keeper Willy & Lunch Lady Dorris homer: hey moe I have this friend named joey joe joe shabado
moe: that is the worst name ever
(man runs away)
barney: hey joey joe joe!!
-homer,moe, man, barney I got some cool pogs, alf pogs, remember alf he's back in pog form
-milhouse van houten Why do people run away from me? (wets pants)
-Ralph Wiggum Marge: Now Homer don't you eat this pie! Homer: ok pie im just going to do this (chomping sound) and if you get eaten it's your own fault (walks forward with eyes closed making the chomping sound.........hits the wall) ooooooo crap it hurts oooooooo!!!!
-Homer and Marge Baby made a boom-boom
-Homer Bart's teacher's name is Krabappel? I've been calling her Crandall!
-Homer Rod Flanders: I'm jealous of girls 'cause they get to wear dresses.
-Rod Flanders Lisa: That's Latin, Dad; the language of Plutarch. Homer: Mickey Mouse's dog
-Lisa Homer Ralph: Daddy, these rubber pants are hot. Chief Wiggum: You'll wear 'em till you learn, son.
-Ralph Chief Wiggum Hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt, and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt.
-Moe Mmm...Urinal fresh.
-Homer Krusty: What would you do if I went off the air? Kids: We'd kill ourselves!
-Krusty and kids Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Nixon, Comet, Cupid, Donna Dixon.
-Homer Mmm...Crumbled-up cookie things.
-Homer Dad, can I anoint the sores on his feet?
-Rod Flanders Mmm...Ooh...Maca-ma-damia nuts.
-Homer Now bring us some extra chairs like a good blubber-in-law.
-Selma Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.
-Homer If you think I'm cuddly, And you want my company, Come on wifey, let me know. Ugh ugh ugh.
-Ned Flanders Ay ay ay. Me no gusta.
-Bumblebee Man Robot Animals: (singing) You're the birthday, you're the birthday, you're the birthday boy or girl.
-Robot Animals Mmm...something.
-Homer Simpson Uh oh, we've drawn Judge Synder again! Is that a bad thing? Well, he's had it in for me since I've ran over his dog. You did? Well, replace the kind of with the word repeatedly and the word dog with son.
-Lionel (the attorney man) & Marge Mmmmm..... Corn Starch......
-Homer Because no one ever suspects the Butterfly.
-Bart USA! USA!
-homer Moe: it can deep fry a buffalo in 40 seconds. homer: *sigh* but I want it now
-homer & moe Le grille? What the hell is that?
-homer eww...daddy, this tastes like grandma!
-ralph wiggum (looking into mirror) Mirror mirror on the wall who's the baldest of them all...?
-Homer Bonjourrrrrrrr, yeh cheese-eating surrender monkeys!
-Groundskeeper Willy teaches French I can't drive 55...I can only drive 38.
-Comic Book Guy Hey, Marge, look! A walk-in microwave!
-Homer Hey! Phone call for Al C'hol!
-moe Bart:Can I bring my lazer pointer?
Homer: Why do I care?
-Bart and Homer Homer:Now I think you owe me half a sandwhich
*Marge takes out sandwhich*
Marge:I always keep one near the bedside for you.
-Homer and Marge Bart: bla bla bla bla bla sit. santa's little helper: (sits)
-bart and santa's little helper *choking bart* YOU WRECKED MY LIFE!
-Older Lisa *running to a cliff nude* I can fly! I can fly! OK, I can't fly. But I can glide! *jumps off cliff*
-Bus Driver *yelling*Why did you buy the first hover car ever made?
-Bart What are you going to do? Release the dogs? or the bees? or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
-Homer OOH!! they have the internet on COMPUTERS now!!!
-Homer Uh-oh. I don't understand a word he's saying! I wish I was at home watching tv with a bag of chips.Mmm...chips...
-Homer Uh oh, I think I might have brained my damage
-Homer Bart no like, bad medicine
-Bart Lisa crying: I'm a monster Homer: No the only monster here, and I call him gamblor. Come we must save her from his neon clutches
-Lisa and homer Bart I don't want to alarm you, but there is a possiabilty that the boogyman or boogymen my be in the house
-Homer I am evil Homer. I am evil Homer. I am evil Homer. I am evil Homer.
-Homer Kids,you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The leson here is, never try.
-homer Urge to kill... rising.
-Homer NO TV AND NO BEER MAKE HOMER GO CRAZY!!!!
-homer Satin:Oh, hey Bart
Bart:hey
-Satin and Bart Homer:DAAAAAAAAVID LETTERMEN!
Grandpa:Hi David im Grandpa!
Homer:DOH!
-Homer and Grandpa Homer: DAAAAAAAAAAVID LETTERMEN!
-Homer and Grandpa Bart:Mom is dad gonna kill us?
Marge: we'll just have to wait and see.
-Marge and Bart Homer:No TV and no beer make Homer go something...something
Marge: Go...crazy..?
Homer:DONT MIND IF I DO!!!!!!!!!
-Homer and Marge Bernie: Duh Homer why are we down here? Homer: Oh I already told you Bernie to guard the bee. Co worker: But why? Homer oh you guys are pathedic no wonder Smithers made me head bee guy. (Jar breaks). Bernie: Duh its getting away. Co worker: We did bad.
-Homer, Bernie and co worker Uh, hello, uh, Mrs. Bart. Is your pool ready yet?
-Jimbo WOO HOO! I'M A COLLEGE MAN! I WON'T BE NEEDING MY DIPLOMA ANYMORE!
-HOMER Hey, horseface! Get your ugly pie hooks off that Summer Fun set!!!!!!!!!!!
-lISA He's going to kill Rod and Todd, too! That's horrible...in principle.
-Bart Losers! Losers! Kiss my big Springfield behind, Shelbyville!
-Homer Ralph to wolf:Will you be my mommy?
The wolf leaves carrying Ralph in its mouth.
Ralph: You smell like dead bunnies!
-Ralph Dear God, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks, and 'Sweatin' To the Oldies' volumes 1, 2 and 4.
-Ned Flanders Milhouse: (after he sniffed the comic book) It smells like my Grandpa.
-Milhouse Las vegas girl " i need to take a shower where are the wet ones?"
Flanders " oh we have real bathrooms here"
-Hooker and flanders (Singing) I am so smart, I am so smart! S M R T! I mean, S M A R T!
-Homer DOH!
-Homer Simpson You're not sharks, you're dolphins, the clowns of the sea
-Lenny stupid tv! be more funny!
-homer Homer: Hey wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
Devil(Ned): Well, technically no. But...
Homer:(In a teasing tone) I'm smarter than the devil! I'm smarter than the dev...
Devil(Ned):(Transformed) You are not
-Homer, Ned (Making faces0
Bart: Oh yeah? that's not scary!
Lisa: Oh yeah? that's not scary!
Bart: Oh yeah? that's not scary!
(Marge walks in with a angry face)
Lisa and Bart:AHHHH!!! SCARY!!!!
-Bart and Lisa (Squirts ketchup in a bullseye on bare chest)
Homer: Here, shirty shirt shirt.
-Homer thank you.come again.
-apu Take that, you lousy dimension!
-Chief Wiggum mmmm... crayon tastes like purple
-Homer Every time I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my head!
-Homer Okay brain, you dont like me and i dont like you
-Homer Don't have a cow, man!
-Bart I-i have to do this for work.
-Homer I think i wet my bed!
-Ralph Ha, Ha!!!!
-Nelson Look what you've done, you flying fat man!
-Apu Dad: Make us proud son
Mom: Never forget who you are
-Apu's Mom & Dad Homer: "Oh Lisa, you and your stories. Bart's a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that...building...thingy...where our bed and tv...is." Bart: Can I cut you a deal? I'll give you Milhouse
Skinner: I don't want Milhouse
Milhouse: Sounds like my parents' custody hearing Ralphie: I've got two kinds of wet in my pants Ralphie: I've got two kinds of wet in my pants Homer: And i'm one snickers pie away from losing my foot to diabetes...*drool* ahhh snickers pie... Marge: Second notice? Third notice! We break thumbs? Homer what are we going to do?
Homer: I don't know! I don't know! Homer: This is the most fun I've ever had giving you wood Homer: Stay crunchy, men.....stay crunchy Lenny: I don't know where Carl ends and I begin.
Carl: See, statements like that are why people think we're gay Homer: Well excuse me for having enormous flaws that I don't work on! Ralphie: I'm cuckoo for contraband! Bart: Lisa is a nut, she has a rubber butt, everytime she turns around it goes put, put! Skinner: Our budget is stretched tighter than Mother's sauna pants.
Mother: Seymore! Quit using me in analogies!
Skinner: Yes, Mother. Homer: He knows just how I like my martinis...full of alcohol Bart: I'm riding a unicycle with my pants down....this should be every boy's dream! Kearny: Thanks for the tassles...my mom can wear these on her boobs at work! ha! ha!...your mom changed!...
-Nelson Lisa: "The only way to save Bart is to kill the head vampire' Mr. Burns."
Homer: *Gasp* "Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the american dream?" Dr. Nick: "Hi everybody!" Bart: "Take him away boys."
Wiggum: "Hey I'm the chief here. Bake him away toys."
Lou: "What'd you say chief?"
Wiggum: "Just do what the boy says." Mother: Seymour! Are you looking at naked ladies!?"
Skinner: No Mother.
Mother: You sissy. Homer: Help! Save me Mr. X. Wait I'm Mr. X. Aww... Homer: Hey kids, wanna drive through that cactus patch?
Bart: Yeah.
Lisa: Yeah.
Sideshow Bob: (Hiding under the car)No.
Homer: Well, two again one. Agent: We have places your family can hide in peace. Cape Fear, Terror Lake, Screamville...
Homer: Ohh, Ice Creamville.
Agent: No, that's Screamville.
Homer: AHH! Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs. -Homer Television - teacher, mother, secret lover! -Homer ( A blizzard has trapped the kids at Springfield Elementary)
Marge: This is horrible! How will the kids get home?
Homer: I don't know....the internet? Whee! I'm a pop sensation! -Ralph Why can't you be friends like me and Mr. Finger? -Ralph (singing) A B C D E F G how I wonder what you are. -Ralph Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder. -Ralph Dying tickles! -Ralph (He puts an ice cream cone on his forehead) I'm a unicorn. -Ralph When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpilliar. -Ralph Im a brick! :Ralph I wearing a bathrobe and im not even sick! :Ralph This is my sandbox! Im not aloud to go in the deep end!:Ralph Old Clerk: Take this doll. But beware, it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Oh that's bad.
Old Clerk: But it comes with a free frogurt
Homer: That's good.
Old Clerk: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Old Clerk: But you get your choice of toppings.
Homer: That's good.
Old Clerk: The toppings contain potassium lactate.
Homer: ...
Old Clerk: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now? Yeah,I never went to college.-Homer Yes, Hail to the bus driver. The driver man.: Principle Lisa: That was beautiful. What's it called?
Bleeding Gums Murphy: Oh, it's a little tune called "The I Never Had an Italian Suit Blues". Nelson to Bart after they were best buddies: Ha Ha I touched your heart! Homer: To start press any key. Where's the any key? Im Happy and angry! - ralph Bushes are nice because they don't have prickers! Unless they do, And this one did, OW! - Ralph Maybe she drove to the moon! - Ralph Daddy's stomach is crying! - Ralph He's going to smell like hotdogs! - ralph Now I can't stand in line anymore - Ralph umm bear,homer AHHHHHH!!!! MAKE WAY FOR WILLIE!!!!
-Groundskeeper Willie No One Can Outrun A Greased Scotsman
-Groundskeeper Whillie "Excellent!"- Mr. Burns Moe: "Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt!" Maggie: "Daddy." Bart: Eat my shorts! Ralph: Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers Take me to some grub, I got the munchies! - Otto That's a paddiln'! - Jasper Confessiing to crime doesn't pay. - Bart He's not Spider-pig anymore, he's Harry Plopper. My dad's a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory - Milhouse I drank blue juice from under the sink! - Ralph Lisa, everyone knows, God only helps the mighty - Homer to Lisa Goodbye cruel world......and Carl - Lenny Can somebody tell me what Sideshow Mel is? - Krusty DAMN YOU REALITY! - Homer What is it with cats and mice? Can't they EVER get along? - Lisa HOW THE HELL DID I GET UP HERE!? - Mr. Largo I've built a stairway to heaven - Lisa Nice work, video game guy. - Comic book guy If he's so smart, how come he's dead? - Homer GO HOME, YOU'RE BAD LUCK! - Marge 18 WHEELS & THEY ALL MISSED ME!!! - Moe I can't belive we're paying to see something we get on TV for free! - Homer Oh dear, another setback - Hans Moleman See, this is why I don't talk much. - Carl You better watch your mouth you little smartass! - Homer Listen kid, nobody likes wearing clothes in public, but you know, it's the law. - Lou Daddy! Someone's lookin' at me! - Ralph Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be. - Homer Hi there, Midge! - Moe His hairdo looks so queer. - Homer Aw, for glavin' out loud! - Prof. Frink Aw, THEY STOLE THE BALOON! I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THERE! Well, you know, just until things pick up. - Gil I'm pretty sure 1000....is a number! - Grandpa EEEEPA! - Comic book guy CRAAAAAP! - Homer Ooh! Erotic cakes! - Homer SEE, THIS IS WHY WE SHOULD HATE KIDS! - Moe The police couldn't even catch cooties at Milhouse's birthday party! - Homer PEOPLE OF SPRINGFIELD! Heed this warning: Twisted tail, 1000 eyes, trapped FOREVER! - Grandpa Now to get dressed in a most unusual way. - Homer YOU SMILED! I'm off the hook! - Homer I sleep in a race car, DO YOU! - Kirk VanHouten You've mastered a dead tounge. BUT CAN YOU HANDLE A LIVE ONE!? - Groundskeeper Willie I don't even have a last name. I'M JUST WILLIE! - Groundskeeper Willie HA HA! YOU CAN'T KILL A HINDU! (Gets caught in a bear trap) HELP ME JESUS! - Apu You can't kill him if he's wearing people clothes - Homer I taste FREEDOM! - Sideshow Mel CARTOON VIOLENCE! CARTOON VIOLENCE! - Bart and Milhouse Principle Skinner (to hamster): Good job Nibbles, now chew through my ball sack.
Homer: (On the phone) Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Marge: Homer! Watch your mouth!
Homer: Aw, I gotta go. My damn weiner kids are listening.
Lisa: We are not weiners!
Superintendent Chalmers: I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…
Krusty the Clown: Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to "Antidote", PO box… Dr. Nick: Inflammable means flammable? What a country. Mr. Burns: [answering the phone] Ahoy-hoy? Krusty the Clown: And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
Ralphie: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me. Mayor Quimby: I stand by my racial slur.
Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Grandpa Simpson: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
Homer: Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Barney: Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! Homer: Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!
Homer: The sun? That's the hottest place on Earth.
Homer: Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Homer: Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
Homer: I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood.
Homer: Are you sure this is the Sci-Fi Convention? It's full of nerds!
Homer: We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?
Ralphie: And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
Ralphie: Then, the doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that's why it was the best summer ever.
Homer: And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
Homer: As the Bible says, "Thou shalt not horn in on thy husband's racket"
Homer: Look at them. Watching my TV. Sitting on my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!
Homer: I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch.
Homer: Hey, this man is not breathing. Don't people usually breathe?
Homer: Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!
Homer: I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor.
Grandpa: I always get the blame around here! Who threw a cane at the TV? Who fell into the china hutch? Who got their dentures stuck on the toilet?
Homer: This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's comet collided with the moon.
Homer: I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
Homer: Our forecast calls for flurries of passion followed by an extended period of gettin' it on.
Homer: Let's just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the TV and I turned out TV.
Homer: Hey, can you take the wheel for a second? I have to scratch myself in two places at once!
Grandpa: I can feel death's clammy hand on my shoulder...wait, that's my hand.
Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!
Homer: Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? And these TV guides... so many memories...
Homer: Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours.
Homer: Wo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a Tab. (presses TAB key).
Homer: Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.? The kids can call you Hoju!
Homer: Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers.
Mr. Burns: Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Homer: Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
Homer: Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman.
Homer: Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.
Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.
Homer: Come on, honey. You work yourself stupid for this family. If anyone deserves to be wrapped up in seaweed and buried in mud, it's you.
Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman... and I have no interest in that; besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing!
Homer: You heard me; I won't be in for the rest of the week... I told you! My baby beat me up! No, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.
Homer: Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college.
Homer: You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, 'Homer, you're a big disappointment', and God bless her soul, she was really on to something!
Ralphie: Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky.
Homer: Marge, would you please tell Bart that I would just like to drink a glass of syrup like I do every morning?
Homer: If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Dr. Nick: "Hi everybody"
crowd: "hi Dr. Nick" Homer:(on the phone) I can't come to work today. Why? Cos I have chicken pocks! I know I said that last month but I was Lying! Homer: If something is hard to do, it's not worth doing! Bart: Dad we just passed the lumber-yard.
Homer: Hihihi, only losers BUY wood. We're going to natures lumber-yard hahahaha! (entering forest passing "forbidden" sighn)
Once there: They're removing the wood underneath the traintracks. "I call the big one bitey"
-Homer "HEY!!!! This bandstand wasn't double bolted!"
-James Brown Ned: "Hey, Simpson! I'm feeling a might peckish. Mind if I chew your ear??"
(Homer shoots Ned.)
Bart: "Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders!"
Homer: "He was a zombie?"
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