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You know how you said your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity?
-John What's that? Sushi. Sushi? Rice, raw fish and...seaweed. You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth and you are gonna eat that?
-John When you grow up, your heart dies.
-Allison Claire? That's a fat girl's name.
-John Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk. You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Shut up bitch. Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you?
-John Dear Mr. Vernon: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you're crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us: in the s
-Brian That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.
-John Yo wastoid, you're not gonna blaze up in here.
-Andrew Hey, you're not urinating in here, man.
-Andrew Don't talk. Don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.
-John Eat my shorts.
-John Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?!
-John Richard Vernon: What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?
John Bender: Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.
-Vernon & Bender Sweets. You couldn't ignore me if you tried. So... so. Are you guys like boyfriend-girlfriend? Steady dates? Lovers? Come on, sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot beef injection?
-Bender I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.
-Allison I wanna be just like you. I figure all I need, is a lobotomy and some tights.
-Bender Well, I don't know any lepers, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their clubs.
-Bender Screws just fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.
-Bender Vernon-What was that ruckus?...John-what ruckus....Vernon-I was in my office, and I heard a ruckus in here.....John-Could you describe the ruckus sir?
-Vernon and John The next I come in here, I'm crackin' skulls!!
-Vernon Wanna see a picture of a guy with elaphintitis in the butt?
-John Why does Andrew get to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, IT'LL BE ANARCHY!!!
-Bender What am I a genius?
(Andy) No, your an asshole.
What a funny guy.
-Bender (To Brian) Look, I can see you getting all bunged up for them making you wear these kinda clothes. But face it, your a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie! What would you do if they weren't out making yourself a better citizen?
-Bender "I don't want to get into this with you man..."
Andrew-"Why not?"
Bender-"Cause I'd kill you...It's real simple. I'd kill you and your f***ing parents would sue me and it would be a big mess and I don't care enough about you to bother."
-Bender If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!
-Bender My home life is un...satisfying.
-Allison I wanna be an airborne ranger. I wanna live a life of danger.
-Bender im not a nymphomaniac....im a pathalogical liar
-Allison claire: "wheres your lunch?"
Bender: "your wearing it"
claire: "your nauseating"
-claire and bender claire: "can I eat!"
bender: "I don't know- give it a try"
-claire and bender brian's trying to tell me that in addition to a number of girls in the niagra falls area that presently you and he are riding the hobby horse
-bender we're all bizarre, some of us are just better at hiding it that's all
-andrew can you hear this? would you like me to turn it up?
-bender claire: "I'm not fat!"
bender: "well not at present but I can really see you pushing maximum density
-claire and bender hey homeboy, what do you say you close that door, we'll get the prom queen impregnated?
-bender your right, its wrong to destroy litereture, its such fun to read...and..mo-lay..really pumps my nads
-bender andrew: "speak for yourself"
bender: "do you think I'd speak for you? I dont even know your lanuage!
-andrew and bender allison: "why are you being so nice to me?"
claire: "because your letting me
-claire and allison I think a screw fell out!
-Bender Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you and you hitting the floor.
-Andrew (after falling though the roof)"I forgot my pencil"
-bender Brian Johnson: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. And what we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. Wh
-Alison,Bender,Andy,Brian,Clair Bender:Eat my socks!
-Bender I'm a nymphomaniac
-allison You're pretty sexy when you're angry!
-John I have such a deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor with other guys!
-John Shut up, Peewee!
-Vernon Andrew: Yeah well, he's gotta name! Bender: Yeah? Andrew: Yeah. (To Brian) What's your name? Brian: Brian... Andrew: See. Bender: (to Brian) My condolences.
-Andrew, Bender, and Brian How does one become a janitor?
-John Op, watch what you say, Brian here is a cherry.
-John Who are you? Who are you? I'm a walrus.
-Brian And when I say essay...I mean essay. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times.
-VERNON You keep eating your fingers you won't be hungry for lunch.
-John You believe this?(shows circular burn on his arm) That's about the size of a cigar. Do I studder? You see this is what you get at my house when you spill pain in the garage.
-John Show Dick some respect!
-John This is the worst fake ID I've ever seen. Do you realize you made yourself 68?
-Andy So it's sorta social. Demented and sad, but social.
-Bender Brian: You wear tights? Andrew: I wear the required uniform. Brian: Tights.
-Brian & Andrew Andrew: What do you need a fake I.D. for?
Brian: So I can vote. Brian Johnson: I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?
John Bender: No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp. BenderWow brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. Did your mom mary Mr.Rodgers?
Brian: No, Mr.Johnson Andrew: Do you always carry this much shit in your bag?
Allison: Yeah I always carry this much shit in my bag Bender: wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantiasis of the nuts...looks pretty tasty. Bender: wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantiasis of the nuts...looks pretty tasty.
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