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Fletch (singing): "Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants..."
Fletch: "Why don't we go lay on the bed and I'll fill you in?" Fletch: "Can't keep me here, chief."
Chief Karlin: "Maybe I'm not going to keep you in here. Maybe I'm going to blow your brains out."
Fletch: "Well, now, I'm no lawyer, but I do believe that's a violation of my rights." Fletch: "Don't talk to me like that, assface. I don't work for you yet." Chief Karlin: [to the arresting officers] "Officers, could you excuse us for a few moments?"
Fletch: "Yeah, why don't you guys go down to the gym and pump each other."
Chief Karlin: "Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?"
Fletch: "I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you." Fletch: "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I didn't want to have to do this. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses." Fletch [to a Doberman pinscher]: "Look, defenseless babies!" Fletch: "If you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards." Waiter: "Would you like some drinks, Señor, while you wait? I will put it on the Underhills' bill."
Fletch: "Yes, very good. I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and... a steak sandwich, please."
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