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The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey A La King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE!
-Ralphie as Adult Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!
-Ralphie as Adult Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!
-Ralphie Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!
-Mr Parker Over the years I got to be quite a connossieur of soap. Though my personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand... YECCHH!
-Ralphie as Adult It was all over - I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me.
-Ralphie as Adult Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word!
-Ralphie as Adult I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed.
-Ralphie as Adult Football? Football? What's a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out 'football'.A football? Oh no, what was I doing? Wake up, Stupid! Wake up!
-Ralphie as Adult No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
-Ralphie You'll Shoot Your Eye Out, Kid
-Santa I TRIPLE dog dare ya!
-Schwartz Stuck? Stuck. It's Stuck. It's STUCK!!!
-Flick Holy cow! It's the fire department!
-Boy in School Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!
-Randy Or, it could be a bowling alley!
-Mr. Parker Would you stop playing with your food, or I'll give you something to cry about!
-Mr. Parker It 'twas... soap poisoning.
-Ralphie You used up all the glue... on purpose!
-Mr. Parker Fra-gee-lay. It must be Italian.
-Mr. Parker I can't get up. I can't get up! I can't get uuup!
-Randy Oooh ffffuuudge!
-Ralphie Be a good boy. Show mommy how the piggies eat!
-Mrs. Parker Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
-Old Ralphie Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double beatloaf, I hate meatloaf!
-Randy Oh...fuuuudge...
Only I didn't say 'fudge'. I said THE word; the queen mother of all dirty words -- the F-dash-dash-dash word!
-Ralphie, Narrator Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!
-Waiters at restaurant NOTTAFINGA!
-Mr. Parker He looks like a derranged Easter Bunny.
-Mr. Parker Leave me alone....I'm uh......thinking.
-Ralphie as a kid Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this, but he has refused to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I'm sure that the guilt you must feel would be far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don
-Miss Shields I want a red rider 200 shot carbine action range model air rifle with a compass and this thing which tells time built right in the stock.
-Ralphie Mother: Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas?
Adult Ralphie: Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out.
Ralphie: I want an offical Red Rider carbine action two hundred shot range model air rifle.
-Adult ralphie, Mother, Ralphie You used up all the glue on purpose.
-Old Man In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.
-Adult Ralphie The Mall Santa
-HO HO HO! You'll shoot your eye out!
-Numerous characters Shut up, Ralphie!
-Old Man (Mr. Parker) Mr. Parker: He's a pink nightmare! "I like the Wizard of Oz... I like the Tin Man."
- Autistic boy with goggles in the line for Santa Mr. Parker: "Serves you right, you smell buggers!"
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