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Aw, phooey! Don't you ever read any of those stories about little people who do big things? Little Red Riding Hood! The Three Little Pigs! Spike Lee! The Little Rascals! How about the Little Engine That Could!
-Major Payne I don't call it babying, I call it nurturing.
-Emily And I call it neutering.
-Major Payne And I call you an insecure, overbearing, psychopathic, edictorial, ego maniacal, frigid lunatic ASSHOLE!
-Emily From now on, my little group of shaved scrotum sacks, you will walk like me, talk like me, eat like me, and until you win those games, you will be BALD like me.
-Major Payne You're still a shit sandwich. You're just not a soggy one. From this moment, you are no longer turds. You have graduated to maggots!
-Major Payne Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I'm gonna put my foot so far up your ass, the water on my knee will quench your thirst.
- Major Payne From now on, you will not eat, sleep, blow your nose or dig in your butts without my say! Killin'is my business, ladies, and business is good!
-Major Payne Move it, you turds! You'll get no sympathy from me! You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between "spit" and "syphilis!"... You there! Tell Marlee Matlin's son to get across that rope before I hang him with it!
-Major Payne They won't let me go on a "Black Op," because I'm too little, and nobody ever lets you do anything when you're little.
-Tiger Maybe what he need is for you to pop your titty out his mouth and let the boy grow up.
- Major Payne What we've got here is a failure to communicate.
- Major Payne My name is MAJOR-BENSON-WINIFRED-PAYNE and as of 0800 I will be your commanding officer
-Major Payne Dir yes Dir ( supposed to be Sir Yes Sir)
-deaf boy I'll stick my foot so far up you but that the sweat on my knee will quench your thirst
-Major Payne Tommy-lee! go outside, snacth yerself a squirrel, its time for breakfast!
-tommylees friend (Bending Tiger's finger backwards ready to break it) You want me to show you a little trick to get your mind off that pain???
-Major Payne What's so funny tubby? You found a gummy bear in your pocket?
-Major Payne War has made me very paranoid and when a man gets to eyeballin' me it makes MY AGENT ORANGE JACK UP, and I get the urge to kill.
-Major Payne I like to hang upside-down blindfolded, then I take my gun apart and put it back together real fast before my nose begins to bleed.
-Major Payne Major Payne: You tell Marlee Matlin's son if he does not get across that rope, I'm going to hang him with it. Major Payne: Let me see that belly roll. One, tubby tubby. Come on pork chop. Two, tubby tubby. Major Payne: You like the way I handle these white boys?
Cadet Williams: Yeah, no doubt brother.
Major Payne: Well let me tell you something.
Cadet Williams: Yeah brother.
Major Payne: I AM NOT YOUR DAMN BROTHER!!!!!! Major Payne: What do you want, Mr. PEE-body? 1 TUBBY TUBBY 2 TUBBY TUBBY-major payne
Alex: "What, are you guys crazy?? It's just a dummy grenade!"
(Major Payne throws the grenade, which explodes behind him; Alex then leaps into the mud.)
Major Payne: "Who's the dummy now?" Major Payne: "What if this was a life-or-death situation?"
Alex: "But it's NOT a life-or-death situation."
Major Payne: (takes a hand grenade and pulls the pin out) "It is now!"
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