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A frog, a frog, a frog! A FROG!
-Lavender Much too good for children!
-Miss Trunchbull (after eating a slice of chocolate cake) No more Miss Nice Girl.
-Matilda "Listen you little wiseacre: I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it!"
-Mr. Wormwood Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow up to be butchers, bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jello salad.
-Narrator Mr. Wormwood: "Get in the car, Melinda!"
Matilda: "Matilda!"
Mr. Wormwood: "Whatever!"
-Mr. Wormwood and Matilda Hey, dip face, have a marshmallow. Have another marshmallow, dip face!
-Mikey Sometimes Matilda longed for a friend, somebody like the kind, courageous people in her books. But it occured to her that talking dragons and princesses with hair long enough to climb, such people would only exist in storybooks.
-Narrator Your mommy...is a TWIT!
-Miss Trunchbull Chew your food, you're an animal!
-Mr. Wormwood WHY are all these women married?! Mrs. D, Mrs. I, you should be teaching spelling, not poetry!
-Miss Trunchbull (the class just spelled Amanda: "Mrs. D, Mrs. I..."
Class: "Mrs. F-F-I, Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L-T-Y."
-Amanda Thripp and the class "From now on, this family does *exactly* what I say, when *exactly,* when I say it!"
-Mr. Wormwood If you're having fun, you're not learning.
-Miss Trunchbull I will not be the figure of ridicule! I want respect and I want it now!
-Mr. Wormwood Mr. Wormwood: "A book? What do ya wanna book for?"
Matida: "To read."
Mr. Wormwood: "To read? Why would you wanna read when you've got the television set sittin' right in front of ya?"
-Mr. Wormwood and Matilda Harry Wormwood: What a waste of time! Zinnia Wormwood: And painful! Harry Wormwood: And expensive... $9.25 for a bar of soap? Agatha Trunchbull: You have brats yourself?
Harry Wormwood: Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mistake, Matilda.
Agatha Trunchbull: They're all mistakes, children! Filthy, nasty things. Glad I never was one. Agatha Trunchbull: My school is a model of discipline! Use the rod, beat the child, that's my motto.
Harry Wormwood: Terrific motto! Agatha Trunchbull: I need a car, inexpensive but reliable. Can you service me?
Harry Wormwood: In a manner of speaking, yes. Harry Wormwood: College? I didn't go to college. I don't know anybody who did. Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen, ha ha ha ha...
Jenny: Don't sneer at educated people, Mr. Wormwood. If you became ill, heaven forbid, your doctor would be a college graduate.
Harry Wormwood: Yeah...
Jenny: Or - or say you were sued for selling a faulty car. The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college too.
Harry Wormwood: What car? Sued by who? Who you been talking to?
Jenny: N-nobody. Harry Wormwood: Are you being smart with me? If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're going to be punished.
Matilda: Punished for being smart?
Harry Wormwood: For being a smart aleck! When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson!
Matilda: Person? Matilda: It's not trash, daddy. It's lovely. Moby Dick by Herman Melville.
Harry Wormwood: Moby WHAT? Matilda: Adopt me, Miss Honey! You can adopt me.
Harry Wormwood: Look, I don't have time for all these legalities!
Matilda: One second, Dad. I have the adoption papers.
Zinnia Wormwood: What? Where did you get those?
Matilda: From a book in the library. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox. Agatha Trunchbull: I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me. Harry Wormwood: The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old.
Matilda: Six-and-a-half.
Harry Wormwood: You're four!
Matilda: Six-and-a-half!
Harry Wormwood: If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already.
Matilda: I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen.
Harry Wormwood: Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book.
[He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]
Harry Wormwood: Dearest pie, how old is Matilda?
Zinnia Wormwood: Four.
Matilda: I'm six-and-a-half, mommy!
Zinnia Wormwood: Five, then! Matilda: I want to go to school.
Harry Wormwood: School? It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid.
[Matilda leaves]
Zinnia Wormwood: You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl.
Harry Wormwood: Hmph, tell me about i Matilda: Dad?
Harry Wormwood: What?
Matilda: Yell at me, ok?
Harry Wormwood: SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE! Harry Wormwood: Chew your food; you're an animal! Agatha Trunchbull: What are those?
Amanda Thripp: What's what Ms. Trunchbull?
Agatha Trunchbull: Hanging down by your ears,
Amanda Thripp: You mean my pig tails
Agatha Trunchbull: Are you a pig Amanda?
Amanda Thripp: No, Ms. Trunchbull.
Agatha Trunchbull: Do I allow Pigs in my school?
Amanda Thripp: My mommy thinks they're sweet.
Agatha Trunchbull: [bends down] Your Mommy, is a TWIT! Agatha Trunchbull: You and your father think you can make a fool out of me!
Matilda: My father?
Agatha Trunchbull: The guy with the stupid haircut!
Matilda: I'm nothing like my father.
Agatha Trunchbull: You're the spitting image. The apple never rots far from the tree! Agatha Trunchbull: I like a joke as well as the next fat person! Agatha Trunchbull: [On the phone] Wormwood! You useless, used-car-salesman scum! I want you around here now with another car! Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you low life liar! I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna burn down your showroom! I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill! Narrator: "The Wormwoods lived in a very nice house in a very nice town... But they were not very nice people."
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