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(sung) We got it all, on UHF!
-George Newman I need a drink.
You don't drink.
Yeah, but I've been meaning to start.
-George & Bob Life is like a mop. Sometimes life gets full of dirt and crud and hairballs and things and you gotta clean it out. You gotta stick it in here and rinse it off and start all over again. And sometimes life sticks to the floor so much that a mop, a mop, it'
-Stanley Spadowski Lesbian Nazi Hookers Abducted by UFOs and Forced Into Weight Loss Programs - -all next week on Town Talk.
-George Newman What can I say? I-I'm a miserable worthless hunk of slime. Here, I want you to take this crowbar and just bash my head right in. Go ahead! Really! Just BASH my head right in!
-George Newman Badgers? Badgers?! We don't need no stinking badgers!!
-Raul Hernandez You get to drink from the fire hose!
-Stanley Spadowski I'm thinking of something Orange!
-Stanley Spadowski Today, we are teaching Poodles how to fly. --Are you ready? Are you psyced? Ok, 1, 2,3, 'YipeYipeYipe-BOOM' ....awww...... Sometimes It takes them a little longer to get it right.
-Raul Hernandez Here's something you may not know. The turtle is also nature's suction cup! --IT STICKS!!!
-Raul Hernandez This is a Good Watermelon. (Spits) Tastes like poop.
-Stanley Spidowski What's in the Box? Nothing! Absolutley Nothing! Stupid! You're so STUPID!
-Kuni Suplies!!
-Kuni and the Karate students Spatula City! We sell spatulas! and that's all!
-Singers Guns don't kill people, I do.
-Earl Ramsey stanley spadowski- BE THERE!! hehehehe yeah. George Newman: "Mashed potatoes? My favorite!" Satan: "All I'm trying to say..."
George Newman: "Oh shut up, you old pinhead! You make me sick!" "Redrum, redrum"
-George Newman "Big Edna, Big Edna. You sound like a broken record. Why are you so afraid of that Pathetic tub of Lard?"
-George Newman "Weird" Al Yankovic (Singing "UHF" on the soundtrack): "Disconnect the phone and leave the dishes in the sink. You better put away your homework...Prime time ain't no time to think!" George Newman: "Mmmm, your favorite! A Twinkie-weiner sandwich!" George Newman: (digging through Al Capone's glove compartment) "Aha! Road maps!" R.J. Fletcher: "I think you boys need to pay our Mr. Spudowski a little visit..." WHEEL OF FISH!!!
-Kuni's Audience Satan: "Look, all I'm trying to say is..."
George Newman: "Oh, shut up, you pin head! You make me sick!" R.J. Fletcher: "People like that should be put to sleep." Kid: "I wanna go home!"
George Newman: "Shut up, you little weasel!" George Newman: Hi, I'm George Newman. I'm the new station manager.
Pamela Finklestein: Ugh! You know, when I first took this job, they told me that this position would only be temporary, and that eventually, when the time was right, I would be moved up to news which is really my forte. You know how long I've been working here? Two years! It's kind of hard to get promoted when every other week you have a new boss! This job really sucks!
George Newman: This is my friend Bob. George Newman: "Sex with furniture...what do you think?" Earl Ramsey: "Gun control is for wimps and commies. Listen, let's get one thing straight... guns don't kill people... I do." Pamela Finklestein: "Yeah but... broads don't belong in broadcasting? Is that the king of professional courtesy you teach your news department?"
R.J. Fletcher: "Why that's just terrible. I don't know how many times I've told those boys never call chicks broads." Richard Fletcher: (tripping Noodles Macintosh) "Aww, did I do that? Whoopsee!"
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