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Pops: Back then we didn't have these fancy birth control methods. Like pulling out. Derek: Hand over the milk money, Weaver.
Mitch: I'm afraid I can't do that, Derek. I'm just not sure you'll spend it on milk. Travis Cole: What are you doing? You're ruining Don Giovanni!
Mitch: Don Giovanni? Who's that dude?
Travis Cole: The opera! You're ruining the opera!
Mitch: Oh, the opera. Yes, yes, we are ruining that. Sam: Hey, doc, what happened to your foot?
Dr. Farthing: What I don't understand is... when you owe a bookie a lot of money, and he, say, blows off one of your toes, you still owe him the money. Doesn't seem fair to me. Especially when he's gonna kill me in four days anyway. Mitch: Dr. Farthing, what happened to your arm?
Dr. Farthing: Well, it was either from sleeping on it the wrong way or bookmakers throwing me out of a speeding car. Mitch: Hey, hey! Hey, you remember in 5th grade when I was under the monkey bars and I sneaked a peek at your sister's underwear? Remember that? Hey, no no! I was sneaking a peek at my *own* sister's underwear!
Sam: That's right! Yeah, and then remember in the 12th grade, you had sex with her? Kathy: You guys are brothers?
Mitch: Well, it's a long story...
Sam: My dad boned his mom.
Mitch: Okay, it's a short story. Mitch: Note to self: remember to get ass wart cream for giant wart on my ass. Mitch: Are those prostitutes? I mean, who are those girls? Mitch: You fellas have a lot of growing up to do, I'll tell you that. Ridiculous. Completely ridiculous. Can you believe these characters? Way out of line. Way out of line. Have a good mind to go to the warden about this. You know what hurts the most is the... the lack of respect. You know? That's what hurts the most. Except for the... Except for the other thing. That hurts the most. But the lack of respect hurts the second most. Pops: I'm in whore heaven! Dr. Farthing: I know there's really nobody to blame for this but myself, well, I don't know, maybe the Buffalo Bills, the Boston Red Sox, or Mr. T or, or the Jets...
Mitch: Wait a minute, Mr T.? Are you telling me that you bet on the fight in Rocky III, and that you bet against Rocky?
Dr. Farthing: Hindsight is twenty-twenty, my friend. Mitch: Good news, Mr. McKenna!
Pops: All right, boys! Bring on the whore!
Mitch: No, it's not a whore - we're gonna get you the fifty thousand dollars for your heart transplant!
Pops: Well, that's good too. Mitch: I've never seen so many dead hookers in all my life!
Bystander: Lord knows I have. Jimmy: And there's the Saigon whore that bit my nose off! Mr. Hamilton: So there you are, tubby. Look like a bucket of lard on a bad day. You baby gorilla. Why don't you work in a zoo, and stop bothering people? Got a call yesterday from Baskin Robbins. They said that they're down to only five flavors. You're swelling up as I talk to you. Mitch: Okay, settle down, prostitutes. Now, understand that you each get twenty dollars, and this requires no sex, no sex at all, regardless of what this character tells you. Mitch: Oh, my God! It's a picture of you and my mom! And you're having sex! Mitch: Sam, are you pissing off the side of the building?
Sam: Sorta. Mitch: Note to self: Remember no matter how bad life gets, there is always beer! Mitch: There's two kinds of people in this world - Those who get stomped on and those who do the stomping.
Kathy: Where'd you come up with that theory?
Mitch: That famous guy said it. What's his name? Uh... Oh, yeah. Jesus! Kathy: So... Would you like to come in for some coffee?
Mitch: No no. Uh, I can't. I have to lift weights? What? Mitch: Okay, Cole. Well, it's been nice doing business with you. Now you probably want to go home and kick back and enjoy a nice, tall, cold glass of chihuahua piss or something. Mitch: Note to self: Making love to blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.
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