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According to the map we've only gone about four inches. You know, I don't think we have enough gas money.
-Harry First time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I got that romantic, old fashioned feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
-Lloyd It's OK, I'm a limo driver.
-Lloyd Hey!, I guess they're right. Senior Citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose.
-Lloyd They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
-Lloyd Yeah, I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about not listening to her enough or somethin. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.
-Harry We've got no food. We've got no job, our pets HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
-Lloyd why you going to the airport. flyin' somewhere
-lloyd We're in a hole, we're just gonna have to dig ourselves out.
-Lloyd They killed Petey
-Harry Dunne Mock, yeah. Ing, yeah. bird, yeah. yeah, yeah.
-Loyd and Harry Austria huh? Well g'day to ya mate, lets throw anotha shrimp on the ba-bie"
-Harry I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn't even see it comin'.
-Lloyd I'm talkin' about a little place called Assssssspen.
-Lloyd Hey. You wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world.....ERRRREHHHHHHHHHHHH (Harry joins in)
-Lloyd I got worms.
-Lloyd hey harry old buddy old pal!
-Lloyd KICK HISS ASS SEABASS!
-guy in diner Don't you go dying on me!
-Lloyd No way, thats great. (walks out bar into hotel) We landed on the moon!
-Loyed Slippy, Slappy, Swammi.... (looks at case).... Samsonite, I was way off.
-Lloyd Harry: We successfully mated a bull dog and a shi tzu.
Mary: really??
Harry: Yeah we called it a bullshit!!!
-Harry and Mary Swanson Harry: Those skis yours?
Girl: yeah
Harry: Both of them?
-Harry and Black girl I desperatley want to make love to a school boy.
-Lloyd So he asks 'Do you love me?' and she says 'No, but that's a real nice ski mask.'
-Lloyd (daydreaming) Lloyd: So what happened, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, It was a girl.
Lloyd: Oh!
-Harry and Lloyd Man, you are one pathetic loser.
-Lloyd Harry: You sold my Dead Bird to a BLIND KID?!
Lloyd: Harry! I took care of it! According to the map we've only gone 4 inches
-Harry Mary: I hope you're not using the toilet it's broken.
Harry: Huh?
Mary: The toilet doesn't flush. "Are you aware its against the law to have a open alchol container here in the state of Pennsivina. C'mon give me that booze you little pumpkin pie haircutted freak C'mon!!!"
-Policeman who stops Harry & Lloyd for having open beer bottles in the van. "Are you aware its against the law to have a open alchol container here in the state of Pennsivina. C'mon give me that booze you little pumpkin pie haircutted freak C'mon!!!"
-Policeman who stops Harry & Lloyd for having open beer bottles in the van. Harry: Just when I think you couldn't do anything any dumber you go and do something like this.... AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF!!! Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there.
Mary:(covering her breasts) I beg your pardon?
Harry: The Owls, there beautiful.
Cop: Pullover!
Harry: No its a cardigan but thanks for noticing. Doorman: Excuse me gentlemen, this is a $500 plate dinner. Goodnight.
Harry: Ohhhhh. Alright ok no problem. Here, put us down for four.
Harry hands the doorman $2000.
Lloyd: In case we want seconds. Lloyd: You cant triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd: "We've landed on the moon!" Lloyd: " Excuse me, Flo? What's the soup du jour?"
Waitress: "It's the soup of the day."
Lloyd: "Mmmmmm. That sounds good. I'll have that."
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