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It's Mega Maid! Shes gone from suck to blow!!
-Colonel Sandurz YORGURT! I hate Yogurt!
-Dark Helmet President Scroob: "Helmet! What's going on?"
Helmet: "Sanders! What's going on?"
Sanders: "It's megamaid. She's gone from suck to blow."
President Scroob: "What? They're getting all their air back. Do something."
Helmet: "Do something!"
-The Evil Trio You have the ring. And I see your Scwartz is as big as mine....Now let's see how well you handle it.
-Dark Helmet Keep firing assholes.
-Dark Helmet Im a Mog. Half man half dog. I'm my own best friend
-Barf [looking in binoculars] SPACEBALLS?
-Ape #2 Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made. Spaceballs-the T-shirt, Spaceballs-The Coloring book, Spaceballs-the Lunch box, Spaceballs-the Breakfast Cereal, Spaceballs-the Flame Thrower.
-Yogurt The kids love this one. And at last but not least, Spaceballs the doll, me.
-Yogurt Thanks for the gas Yogurt!
-Lone Starr 1,2,3,.Thats the combination to my luggage
-President Skroob To join Princess Vespa and Princess Valium.
-Minister Oh no! They've jammed the radar!
*tastes screen*
With strawberry! I hate strawberry
-Dark Helmet FOOL YOU!!!
-Dark Helmet Dark Helmet: I'll call Spaceball City and notify President Skroob immediatly.
Guard: I already called him, Sir. He knows everything.
Dark Helmet: What?! You went over my HELMET?!
Guard: Well, not exactly over, Sir. M-M-More to the side.
-Dark Helmet & Guard I can't belive it i'm surrounded by assholes.
-Dark Helmet May the Schwartz be with you.
-Yogurt Guard: No. No. Please! Please! No! No! N-Not that! Dark Helmet: YES! ...THAT! Guard: Huh? WHOA!! OW! OH! OOH! OH! OOH! OOH! OWWWW!
-Dark Helmet & Guard I can't breathe in this thing!!
-Dark Helmet Baaaaarf.......BAAAAARRF!!!
-Lonestar What's a-matter, Colonel Sanders?......CHICKEN???
-Dark Helmet NO, SIR, I DIDN'T SEE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR DOLLS AGAIN, SIR!!!
-Colonel Sanders Now you will see that evil will triumph, because good is dumb.
-Dark Helmet Fire a shot across her nose...I SAID "ACROSS IT", NOT UP IT!!!
-Dark Helmet I'm calling my father....1...800......D-R-U-I-D-I-A
-Princess Vespa And what've we got on this thing? A Cuisinart?
-Dark Helmet That....Was my Virgin alarm. It's programed to go off before You Do!
-Dott Matrix Ooh! Those flashing eyes, those pouting lips. You know something princess? You are UGLY when you're angry.
-Lonestar (Wiping the screen after the radar is "jammed") Raspberry!............There is only one man who would Dare! give me the raspberry, LONESTAR!!
-Dark Helmet Get back here you fat-bearded bitch!
-Dark Helmet Computor: this ship will selfdestruct in, 10...9...8...7...5
Dark helmet,Colonel Sanders,President Skroob: what happend to 6?!
Computor: just kidding... 6...5...4...3...2...1...Have a nice day.
Dark helmet,Colonel Sanders,President Skroob: Thank you...
-Dark helmet,Colonel Sanders,President Skroob Spaceballs Crew member: AAHHHH!!! Dark Helmet: Umm... HE did it! Lone Star: WHAT?!?
-Spaceballs Crew member, Dark Helmet, and Lone Star Preacher: What's your name? Barf: Barf. Preacher: No your full name. Barf: Barfolomew!
-Barf & Preacher [lone star calls for barf] aw, always when I'm eating.
-Barf Lonestar: Great a Druish princess!!
Barf: Funny She doesn't look Druish!
-Lonstar & Barf My hair... You shot my hair!!! YOU BASTARDS
-Princess President scroob to marlene: Hi charlene!
Marlene: I'm Marlene!
President Scroob to Charlene: Hi marlene!
Charlene: I'm Charlene!!!
President Scroob: Chew your gum
-double mint girls and president scroob What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?!
-Dark Helmet My Schwartz is bigger than your schwartz!
-Dark Helmet Suck...Suck...SUCK!
-Colonel Sandurz, Dark Helmet, President Skroob Have you found anything yet? (Crew)We aint found Shit?
-Dark Helmet I've lost the bleeps, I've lost the sweeps and I've lost the creeps.
-Radar Technician The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie will be over.
-President Skroob Col: Sandurz: Sir, hadn't you ought to buckle up?
Dark Helmet: Aw, buckle this.
-Col. Sandurz and Dark Helmet Priest: I'm sick of this. I don't give a damn who it is but I'm gonna marry somebody today. (to Barf) Who are you?
Barf: I'm the best man.
Priest: What's your name?
Barf: Barf.
Priest: Your full name.
Barf: Bartholomew.
Priest: Are
-Lonestar, Princess Vespa, Barf, Priest Instant cassettes! They are released, before the movie is finished!
-Col. Sanderz D: "Who are you?/ T.B.L: "I am The Bearded Lady. Who are you...One of the FREAKS?"
-Dark Helmet/The Bearded Lady President Skroob: Planet Druidia and ten thousand years of freah air.
Dark Helmet(to Col Sandurz): The way he runs things it won't last a hundred.
-President Skroob, Dark Helmet please enough with the wonderful i'm just plain yoghurt
-yoghurt Col Sanders- "Ya see see sir we're at now,now. Everything that's happening now is happening now. Dark Helment: Go back to then! Col Sanders: We missed it. Dark Helment: When? Col Sanders Just now! Dark Helment: When will then be now? Col Sanders: SOON!
-Colonel Sanders to Dark Helment Listen! On this ship, you're to refer to me as 'idiot'. Not 'you captain'.
-Lonestar Spaceballs...there goes the planet.
-Ape What's your name? Asshole. How many Assholes do I have here? Great, I'm surrounded by Assholes.
-Dark Helmet "How do I know you're not making faces at me under that thing?!
[Dark Helmet raises the faceplate and sticks his tongue out at President Skroob]
-President Skroob No, sir! I did not see you playing with your dolls again!
-Colonel Sandurz Restaurant Patron: "Oh no not again!" Barf / Lonestar: It's Spaceball 1, they've gone plaid! Dot Matrix: Who are you?
Barf: Baaarf!
Dot Matrix: Not in here mister this is a Mercerdes! we need to go fasterthan hyper speed. Jump straight to ludicris speed
-Dark helmet Suck, Suck, Suck, Suck.....
-The Evil Trio Colonel Sandurz: "They must have hyper-jets on that thing".
Dark Helmet: "And what do we got on this thing, a CUISINART!?" Dark Helmet: Come back, you fat bearded bitch! Princess Vespa: "My hair! He shot my hair! Son-of-a-bitch! (Shoots the laser gun and takes out several guards).
Barf: "HOLY SHIT!" Lone Starr: (When he and his friends are awakened by The Dinks) "Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?" Keep firing assholes
- Dark Helmet Lone Star: "Just what we need: a Druish princess"
Barf: "Funny... She doesn't look Jewish..." Commanderette Zircon: "President Skroob!"
Skroob: (At the urinal) "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME ON THIS WALL! This is an unlisted wall!" Ship's Computer: Self-destruct will commence in T-10, 9, 8, 6.
Dark Mask: You forgot 7.
Ship's Computer: Just kidding. 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0. Pizza The Hutt: (On Lone Starr's video-phone) "Well, if it isn't Lone Starr and his sidekick Puke!"
Barf: "Um...That's *Barf*."
Pizza The Hutt: "Barf, Puke, Whatever!" Dark Helmet: "There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry... (pulls visor down) Lone Star!" Vespa: What's your name?
Barf: BAAARRRFF!!!
Dot: Not in here mister, this is a Mercedes
Lonestar- dim the lights!
Barf-dimming the lights!
Lonestar- switch to infrared!
Barf-switching to infrared!
Lonestar- And pray to God.
Barf-praying to God!
Newscaster: "Coming up: Pongo's review of 'Rocky 5...Thousand!" Barf: Water Water
Robot:Oil Oil
Princess:Room Service Room Service
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