Cop #1:
"You got a gun creep?"
Fletch:
"Shamu's got one. Borrow his."
Waiter:
"Would you like some drinks, Señor, while you wait? I will put it on the Underhills' bill."
Fletch:
"Yes, very good. I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and... a steak sandwich, please."
Fletch:
"If you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards."
Fletch [to a Doberman pinscher]:
"Look, defenseless babies!"
Fletch:
"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pull rank on you. I didn't want to have to do this. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses."
Chief Karlin:
"[to the arresting officers] "Officers, could you excuse us for a few moments?""
Fletch:
"Yeah, why don't you guys go down to the gym and pump each other."
Chief Karlin:
"Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?"
Fletch:
"I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you."
Fletch:
"Don't talk to me like that, assface. I don't work for you yet."
Fletch:
"Can't keep me here, chief."
Chief Karlin:
"Maybe I'm not going to keep you in here. Maybe I'm going to blow your brains out."
Fletch:
"Well, now, I'm no lawyer, but I do believe that's a violation of my rights."
Fletch:
"Why don't we go lay on the bed and I'll fill you in?"
Fletch (singing):
"Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers in my pants..."