Narrator:
"That Christmas would live on as the first Christmas we were introduced to Chinese turkey, and all was right with the world."
Narrator:
"Oh, my God! I shot my eye out!"
Narrator:
"The Heavenly aroma still hung heavily through the house. But it was gone! All gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches, no turkey salad, no turkey gravy, turkey hash, turkey a-la king, no gallons of turkey soup! It was gone! All gone!"
Mr. Parker:
"Alright. Everybody upstairs, get dressed! We are going out to eat!"
Mall Santa:
"Okay, get him out of here!"
Numerous Charcaters:
"You'll shoot your eye out!"
Narrator:
"Over the years I came to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference is for Lux but I found Palmolive had a nice pique of after-dinner flavor. Heady but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Lifebuoy on the other hand..."
Ralphie:
"Yuck!"
Ralphie:
"(slowly)Oh fudge."
Narrator:
"Except I didn't say "fudge". I said THE word! The big one! The mother of dirty words! The F-dash-dash-dash word!"
Chinese Waiters:
"Deck the hars with boughs of horry, fa-ra-ra-ra-ra, ra-ra-ra-ra. Tis the season to be jorry, fa-ra-ra--"
Head Chef:
"Stop, stop stop! Sing something else!"
Chinese waiters:
"Jingre berrs, jingre berrs, jingre arr the way..."
Mr. Parker:
"Fra-gil-e! Oh, it must be Italian!"
Mr. Parker:
"Dadgummit! Blowout!"
waiters in restraunt:
"tis the season to be horry ra ra ra ra ra rara ra!"
Mr. Parker:
"Serves you right, you smell buggers!"
Autistic boy with goggles in the line for Santa:
"I like the Wizard of Oz... I like the Tin Man."
Mr. Parker:
"He's a pink nightmare!"
Old Man (Mr. Parker):
"Shut up, Ralphie!
-Old Man (Mr. Parker)"
Numerous characters:
"You'll shoot your eye out!
-Numerous characters"
The Mall Santa:
"Ho ho ho!"
Adult Ralphie:
"In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.
-Adult Ralphie"
Old Man:
"You used up all the glue on purpose.
-Old Man"
Adult ralphie, Mother, Ralphie:
"Mother: Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas?
Adult Ralphie: Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out.
Ralphie: I want an offical Red Rider carbine action two hundred shot range model air rifle.
-Adult ralphie, Mother, Ralphie"
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