Knight:
"Catnip."
Puss:
"That's uh, not mine."
Knight:
"We've got a white bronco heading east into the forest. Requesting backup."
Page:
"[Shrek reads Princess Fiona's illustrated "my Dairy" at night] Dear Diary, Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset."
Page:
"(Dear Diary,) Dad says I'm going away for a while, must be some finishing school or something."
Page:
"(Dear Diary,) Mom says that when I'm old enough, my Handsome Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family!"
Page:
"(and people across the land will cheer!) and we'll all live happily ever after!"
Page:
"Mrs. Fiona Charming [Curiously, Shrek turns the next page, and another, until rapidly turning more pages with the same name. A knock of the door interrupts Shrek and puts the diary down]"
Shrek:
"[the "Knights" has just captured Human Shrek, Stallion Donkey and Puss in Boots, as they were thrown to the carriage to prison] Hold on. [to Pinocchio and Fairy Tale characters from his home swamp] Find Princess Fiona!"
Donkey:
"I'm a donkey!"
Shrek:
"[referring to Prince Charming dances with Fiona at the Far Far Away Royal Ball tonight] Tell her, Shrek… [carriage doors closes] I'm her husband, Shrek! [Knight uses pepper grinder on him] Ow, ow! [Promo ends]"
Gingerbread Man:
"[drops his buffalo wing] Quick! Rewind it! [Pinocchio rewinds the promo on the Magic Mirror to the moment before the carriage door closes]"
Shrek:
"Shrek… [carriage doors closes] I'm her husband, Shrek! [Knight uses pepper grinder on him] Ow, ow! [Pinocchio freezes the promo on him. He and the others were shocked as his escape plan emerges]"
Doris:
"[to Stallion Donkey] Hey. Why the long face?"
Shrek (Human):
"It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place."
Puss in Boots:
"[takes a sip of his milk] I hate Mondays."
Donkey:
"I can't believe you'd gonna just walk away from the best thing that happened to you."
Shrek:
"What choice do I have? She loves that… pretty boy, Prince Charming."
Donkey:
"Ah, come on now. Is he really that good-looking?"
Doris:
"Are you kidding? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels."
Puss:
"Oh. He sounds dreamy."
Shrek:
"You know,… shockingly,… this isn't making me feel any better. [sighs] Look, guys. It's for the best. Mom & Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins. [sips his drink]"
Donkey:
"Except for you. I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona."
Shrek:
"Aye.… And that's why I have to let her go."
Shrek:
"How do you feel?"
Donkey:
"I don't feel any different. Do I look any different?"
Puss:
"You still look like an ass to me."
Donkey:
"That's real smooth, Shrek! "I am an ogre! Arrgh!""
Donkey:
"(pops, then sneaks up between Shrek and Fiona, pops again)"
Shrek:
"AAAH! ARE WE THERE YET?!"
Fiona:
"Yes!"
Donkey:
"Oh, finally!"
Queen:
"[Shrek & the King pulls off the broiled hog sending it to the air] Harold!"
Fiona:
"Shrek!"
Shrek:
"Fiona!"
King:
"Fiona!"
Fiona:
"Mom!"
Queen:
"Harold!"
Donkey:
"Donkey! [The hog lands on the table as everyone shocked. Now, the welcome dinner didn't do well for Fiona]"
Donkey:
"What about my Miranda rights?! You're supposed to tell me I have the right to remain silent! No one ever said I have the right to remain silent!"
Shrek:
"Donkey! You have the right to remain silent! What you lack is the capacity!"
Donkey:
"Are we there yet?"
Shrek:
"Yes."
Donkey:
"Really?"
Shrek:
"NO!!!"
Donkey:
"Shrek & Donkey on another whirlwind adventure!
♪Ain't no stoppin' us now. Whoo!
We're on the move♪"
Shrek:
"Do you still know the Muffin Man?"
Gingy:
"Sure, he lives on Drury Lane."
Shrek:
"Quick-tell a lie!"
Pinocchio:
"What should I say?"
Donkey:
"Say something crazy like "I'm wearing lady's underwear.""
Pinocchio:
"I'm wearing ladies underwear.(nose does not grow)"
Shrek:
"Are you?"
Pinocchio:
"I most certainly am not!(nose grows)"
Donkey:
"Looks like you most certainly am are!"
Donkey:
"I say we take his sword and neuter him right here! Give him the Bob Barker treatment!"
Puss in Boots:
"stop, ogre! i have misjudged you"
Donkey:
"I'm sorry but the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken!"
Shrek:
"The Land of Far, Far Away, donkey? That's where we're going! Far...FAR...(whispers)away."