Mother B:
"I always hated makin' love to Big Guy 'cause he insisted I say "cheese." I got so tired of that. "Cheese, cheese, cheese!""
Carlotta Beck:
"Bootsie Westchester's taste in men ranges from King Kong to Lil' Abner, and unfortunately you do not fall into that category!"
Carlotta Beck:
"Anyway, Stanley, you're independently wealthy. You don't need any more cash. I, on the other hand, am just a step away from turning these drapes into a dress.
-Carlotta Beck"
Carlotta Beck:
"Were you aware, Marshall, that there is no valet parking at K-Mart?"
Mother B:
"Well, if you don't mind I think I'd just like to go upstairs and freshen up. You see, I feel like I've been rode hard and put up wet.
-Mother B"
Carlotta Beck:
"…That time at the airport, she got a hold of a microphone and announced that TWA was out of toilet paper."
Kathleen Beck:
"I just adored high school. I was most popular and queen of everything! Tell me, Carlotta, can you remember as far back as your high school days?
-Kathleen Beck"
Carlotta Beck:
"Do you happen to have an overdose of sleeping pills on you?
-Carlotta Beck"
Marshall Beck:
"Now, could we just once, in front of company, have a normal conversation that does not make this family sound like the dumbest, kookiest people on Earth?
-Marshall Beck"
Carlotta Beck:
"I have absolutely no intention of havin' a baby. Just because I am a woman, it does not necessarily follow that I enjoy bein' around little people that spit-up on me.
-Carlotta Beck"
Marshall Beck:
"I always wanted a child. Even as a child, I wanted a child because no one wanted to play with me. Now this one will have to, whether he likes it or not, because I said so!
-Marshall Beck"
Mother B:
"They tell me I'm crazy. What do you think?
-Mother B"
Stanley Beck:
"Well, Carlotta, I drink this ˜cause I'm proud. I'm a Pepper... We're all Peppers. Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?
-Stanley Beck"
Mother B:
"Oh, young people, old people, what's the difference? They're all high on pain killers!
-Mother B"
Carlotta Beck:
"If those thighs get any bigger, you can apply for statehood.
-Carlotta Beck"
Carlotta Beck:
"At first it was difficult for me to believe that I could be related, even by marriage, to a woman who thinks the pinnacle of good taste is owning a rug with Elvis Presley's face on it.
-Carlotta Beck"
Bootsie Westchester:
"I read about a man who won all new wall-to-wall carpetin' that contained the teeniest unidentified larva that eventually caused him to paste a 26-foot tapeworm from his body.
-Bootsie Westchester"
Stanley Beck:
"What are you, some kind of a geriatric groupie?
-Stanley Beck"
Kathleen Beck:
"Oh, Stanley, sometimes I want you so much I could just kiss you until I've sucked all the life from your lungs!
-Kathleen Beck"
Carlotta Beck:
"I am sick to death of food I have to unfold, unwrap or unscrew!
-Carlotta Beck"