The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. Quotes
      Pete Hutter: "I scoff at your moronic interpretation of hoosegow architecture!"
        President: "Gentlemen, how can I thank you?"

        Brisco: "Well, sir, you could start with a Presidential Pardon."

        Bowler: "How about a raise?"

        Brisco: "Bowler!"

        Bowler: "What?"

        President: (laughing) "That's very funny, Mr. Bowler: a raise. Very funny indeed!"

        Bowler: "What's funny about it?"
          Pete Hutter: "When fleeing, I suggest you follow the fly to the fleet that knows how to flee the fastest...and that would be me."
            Pete Hutter: "Tiny, the only thing tinier than your brain is the likelihood that a mouth-breathing, psychopathic wall of stink weed like you is ever gonna get out of this dung-hood. You got "leper" stabbed on your forehead, just like everybody in that micro-cephalic, imbecile-raided, beer-sucking, cousin-marrying family of elephants that you come from."
              Pete Hutter: "That's the thing about yer Chinese Death Stars - an hour after you get killed, you're alive again."
                Emma Steed: "Brisco, don't worry. I'm like a cat--with nine lives."

                Lord Bowler: "And what number you're on?"

                Emma Steed: "23?"
                  Brisco: "Karina, this is Socrates Poole, and this is..."

                  Karina: "Lord Bowler! Your faithful companion. Hi. It's in all the history books."
                    Dr. Milo: "It's alright... when I... When I find myself in times of trouble, I say, boy you gotta carry that weight. I am he - you are he - you are me - we are all together, speaking words of wisdom come together right now. Amen..."
                      Socrates Poole: "What can I do for you, Mister Pow?"

                      Lee Pow: "Not "Mister Pow." Not "Lee." Not "Pow." Not "Mister Lee Pow." Lee Pow."
                        Enzio Tataglia: "In my country we have a saying: 'If you yodel in the forest, the yoo-hoo that you yoo-hoo will be the yoo-hoo that you get back."

                        Brisco: "Where were you from again?"
                          Brisco: "Gor dae dao chai bing pa-tai. Uh, tai ah dingading bao."

                          Bowler: "Where'd you learn that?"

                          Brisco: "Harvard. Chinese 101."

                          Bowler: "Yeah, well they ain't answering you. You sure it wasn't Japanese 101?"

                          Brisco: (shrugs) "Might have been..."
                            Lee Pow: "Ah, Brisco County, Jr. and Lord Bowler. Have a cookie. They're stale, but the fortunes are still fresh... Do not be dismayed so quickly. Let me teach you an old Chinese trick. Add the the words 'between the sheets' to your fortune. It enhances it greatly."

                            Bowler: "Things are looking up... hehhehhehheh"
                              Dixie: "Look, I want no part of this. I'm not against parenthood as an institution, but I'm not ready to be institutionalized."
                                Bowler: "Maybe you got a little more respect for ol' Lord Bowler now."
                                Brisco: "Well, certainly among all the active bounty hunters out there, you're the best singer."
                                Bowler: "That's true."
                                  Professor Coles: "That's a completely fictitious title, I presume?"
                                  Lord Bowler: "No--I just made it up"
                                    Professor Albert Wickwire: "Now that seemed to work quite well.

                                    Brisco: Yeah, but there's still two of them out there."

                                    Professor Albert Wickwire: "I'm thinking of something that could be quite effective. I need some fishing line, coat hanger, soap, and some cheese."

                                    Brisco: "Cheese?"

                                    Professor Albert Wickwire: "I'm hungry."
                                      Brisco: "Correct me if I'm wrong, Pete; weren't you killed in a gunfight?"

                                      Pete: "I was only gut shot. I healed. I'm stronger now with less appetite."
                                        Professor Albert Wickwire: "This is a momentous day, gentlemen - I've never field-tested this before."

                                        Pete: "What?"

                                        Professor Albert Wickwire: "Nope! Never deeper than a water trough. That plumb line we dropped over showed over 60 feet of water. That's two atmospheres of pressure. This should be very interesting."

                                        Jack: (who can't hear anything) "What's he saying?"

                                        Pete:(smiling) "He thinks you're gonna drown!"
                                          Bowler: "What happened to Grave's End? Who put a dang lake here?"

                                          Brisco: "Dam."

                                          Bowler: "All right, damn lake."
                                            Bowler: "Help, Brisco, I can't swim!"

                                            Brisco: "Try standin' up!"