The Muppet Show Quotes
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    32059
      Narrator:
      It's time once again for Veterinarian's Hospital. The continuous story of a quack, Who is gone to the dogs.
      32058
        Captain Link Hogthrob:
        Oh no! We have invaded by a little green monster!
        Doctor Julius Strangepork:
        It's worse than that! We got two First Mate Piggies!
        32057
          Loretta Swit:
          Kermit, who is replace someone with a talent and a verb ....?
          Kermit the Frog:
          [As he comes down] Well, In Vet's hospital, I wonder if you could be in it and replace Miss Piggy?
          Loretta Swit:
          [Gasp as she gets excited] I love to!!!
          Kermit the Frog:
          Oh, Good!
          Loretta Swit :
          Will the costumes fit?
          Kermit the Frog:
          Oh, yeah. Anybody can do that.
          Tongue Magazine Photographer:
          Uh, Excuse me, Miss Piggy. Do you work here?
          Miss Piggy:
          HAI-YAH! (Kicks the photographer)
          32056
            Kermit the Frog:
            (Gasp) Piggy, have you been planting items about us in the gossip papers again?
            Miss Piggy:
            Um... well... uh... uh... what would make you think a thing like that?
            Kermit the Frog:
            The photographer who was just here. He was from Tongue Magazine.
            Miss Piggy:
            Oh. Uh-huh... Well, it was just a little teeny-tiny item.
            Kermit the Frog:
            [Getting angry] It was a cover story about us being secretly married!
            Miss Piggy:
            Just a little slight exaggeration.
            Kermit the Frog:
            [shouting] That's a bold-faced lie, Piggy! I will not stand around while you do dumb things like that, Piggy! You've done that to me too many times, Piggy! I will not stand for it! I will not stand for it!
            Miss Piggy:
            Well, what are you going to do?
            Kermit the Frog:
            [Still shouting] I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Piggy. I'm going to *fire* you! Piggy, you are fired! You are fired, Piggy! You are fired! Fired!
            Miss Piggy:
            But, I am supposed to be in the next number!
            Kermit the Frog:
            [Still shouting] I will can, Uh [To the loudspeaker microphone] Cancel the next number. Instead, bring the snorers chorus.
            31089
              Doctor Bunsen Honeydew:
              Oh, Hello. I am Doctor Bunsen Honeydew. Welcoming you here at The Muppets Laboratory where is future is being made today.
              31088
                Narrator:
                Is this the end of Pigs In Space?
                Audience:
                YES!
                Narrator:
                Tune in next time for another....
                Audience:
                NO!
                Narrator:
                Okay, Don't. See what I care of.
                31087
                  Narrator:
                  And now, PIIIGS INNNN SPACCCCCCE! (Two shooting stars appear, Then the heads of the characters zooming in as the narrator call out) Starring the incredible Captain Link Heartthrob, The adorable First Mate Miss Piggy, and The Mad Scientist Doctor Julius Strangepork.
                  31086
                    Scooter:
                    (Knocks at the Guest Star's Dressing Room Door)
                    Dudley Moore:
                    Come In?
                    Scooter:
                    (Opens the The Guest Star's Dressing Room Door) Uh, Dudley. Dudley Moore, The show starts in 15 seconds.
                    Dudley Moore:
                    (As he is trying to tune his piano) Why Thank You, Scooter. Well you see, I am having a bit trouble getting this piano tuned. Can you give me an "A"?
                    Scooter:
                    Why sure, Easy! (Holds out a gun, And shoots at the ceiling and the letter A drops and Dudley catches it).
                    30950
                      Kermit the Frog:
                      Uh, Thank You, Thank You. Welcome to a very moment of The Muppet Show. I am very sorry but I have some bad news to tell you.
                      Waldorf:
                      I think it made at last.
                      Statler:
                      Or maybe the show has been canceled.
                      Kermit the Frog:
                      .... The show has been canceled tonight. Well, You see. I just misread my a calender. You see, Tonight we are doing audition for new acts. You are welcome to see it. But I don't think there will be any excitements.
                      Statler:
                      Should we stay or should we go?
                      Waldorf:
                      I don't know.
                      Kermit the Frog:
                      (To Statler and Waldorf) Why don't take a night off? (To the viewers) So, We are very sorry, So good night, everyone. (Audience Groan for disappointment and left the theatre).
                      23455
                        Scooter[strumming his guitar] I'm practising my big number for the middle of the show. I hope everyone likes it.

                        Sheep: Baaahhh, baaahhhh, humbug, humbug!

                        Scooter: Everyone's a critic!
                        23454
                          He shouldn't have jumped. The show's not that bad!

                          --Statler
                          23453
                            Now wait just a minute that's the second time tonight they used a bomb joke?
                            [BOOM!]
                            Heh heh heh! Three's a charm!!

                            --Statler and Waldorf
                            23452
                              Do you think this show is educational?
                              Yes it will drive people to read books.

                              -Statler and Waldorf
                              23451
                                Ladies and gentlemen Statler and Waldorf the two old gentlemen who sit up here have.......

                                Died!

                                Fozzie they have not.

                                -Kermit and Fozzie
                                23450
                                  You know something I always thought the Muppets were wierd?
                                  Why is that?
                                  They think explosions are funny. Explosions aren't funny......
                                  [A cigar explodes in Waldorf's mouth.]
                                  Although some of them are really quite drole. Heh heh heh!

                                  -Statler and Waldorf
                                  23449
                                    Ooooh, I am so funny.
                                    -Fozzie Bear
                                    23448
                                      kiss your feathers goodbye bird!
                                      misspiggy
                                      23447
                                        a singing pig!
                                        big bird
                                        23446
                                          um foxy lady
                                          misspiggy
                                          23445
                                            Kermit: "Going up, *going up sound* now Paul is someone everyone can look up to."