SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes
      *Patrick holding shruunken Squidward*
      Squidward: I wonder if a fall from this height would kill me.
        Squidward: Please, come again... on my day off!
          SB: but what about airline food.
          Plankton: wha?
          SB: ya know, airline food. my gosh! what is up with that stuff, thank you, good night!
          - spongebob and plankton
            Patrick: "Hey, Spongebob, when can we stop hopping?"
            Spongebob: "Thirty more seconds Patrick."
            Squidward: "I didn't realize it was happy, hopping moron day."
              Squilliam: "Where's your band?"
              Squidward: "Um, they all died in a marching accident."
                Computer: Plankton: 1% Evil, 99% Hot Gas.
                  [SpongeBob has a jellyfish on a leash]
                  SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Squidward. Meet my new pet.
                  Squidward: That's no pet. That's a wild animal.
                  SpongeBob SquarePants: No he isn't. He can do tricks.
                  [Throwing a stick]
                  SpongeBob SquarePants: Fetch!
                  [Jellyfish fetches stick]
                  SpongeBob SquarePants: [holding up three fingers] How many fingers am I holding up?
                  [Jellyfish buzzes three times]
                  SpongeBob SquarePants: Play dead!
                  [Jellyfish is buried under a tombstone, then comes out]
                  Squidward: I wouldn't let that thing in my house even if it was potty-trained.
                  [Jellyfish is sitting on a toilet, reading the newspaper and humming]
                  Squidward: I didn't need to see that.
                    Squidward: Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hatch-slinging slasher used to be a frycook, just like you. Only clumsier! And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened...
                    SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?
                    Squidward: No.
                    SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?
                    Squidward: No!
                    SpongeBob: Irregular portions?
                    Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand! By mistake!
                    SpongeBob: You mean like this?
                    [At every 'this', SpongeBob removes his arm and a new one grows back]
                    SpongeBob: Or like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this?
                    Squidward: Except he wasn't a sponge!
                    SpongeBob: So?
                    Squidward: So it didn't grow back!
                    SpongeBob: OH NO!
                    Squidward: And he replaced his hand... with a rusty spatula. And then... he got hit by a bus! And, as funeral, they fired him! So now... every... What day is it?
                    SpongeBob: Tuesday.
                    Squidward: Tuesday night! His ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance!
                      Fish: Meep
                        SpongeBob SquarePants: [waiting for the bus] Getting hungry. Glove candy dispenser! Good thing I went to Glove World.
                        [takes candy from dispenser, then spits it out]
                        SpongeBob SquarePants: Eww! Glove-flavored.
                          [Looking for Squidward in a crowd of squids]
                          SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you Squidward?
                          Squid #1: No.
                          SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you Squidward?
                          Squid #2: No.
                          Patrick: [to a fire hydrant] Are you Squidward?
                          Patrick: It's okay. Take your time.
                            SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess Grampa SquarePants was right: Never run for a bus...
                            [Imitates Grampa SquarePants]
                            SpongeBob SquarePants: ... especially one that's going up at a 90 degree angle.
                              Mermaid Man: Now, who wants to save the world?
                              SpongeBob: I do!
                              Patrick: I do!
                              Sandy Cheeks: I do!
                              Squidward: I don't.
                              Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes you do, no world means no money, so either save the world, or you're fired!
                              [Squidward sighs]
                                Squidward: Will you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
                                  Patrick: Don't geniuses live in lamps?
                                    spongebob: Hey patrick, what am I?
                                    patrick: uhhhh stupid?
                                    spongebob: No I'm Texas
                                    patrick:...what's the difference
                                      Patrick Star: "Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper!"
                                        Sandy Cheeks: "So's Patrick's bellybutton, but I ain't afraid of that, neither!"
                                          Spongebob: "Squidward, the crowd is insatiable!"
                                            Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call "Mom"?
                                            SpongeBob: No Patrick, that's your mother.