SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes
      Squidward: Please, come again... on my day off!
        SB: but what about airline food.
        Plankton: wha?
        SB: ya know, airline food. my gosh! what is up with that stuff, thank you, good night!
        - spongebob and plankton
          Patrick: "Hey, Spongebob, when can we stop hopping?"
          Spongebob: "Thirty more seconds Patrick."
          Squidward: "I didn't realize it was happy, hopping moron day."
            Squilliam: "Where's your band?"
            Squidward: "Um, they all died in a marching accident."
              Computer: Plankton: 1% Evil, 99% Hot Gas.
                [SpongeBob has a jellyfish on a leash]
                SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Squidward. Meet my new pet.
                Squidward: That's no pet. That's a wild animal.
                SpongeBob SquarePants: No he isn't. He can do tricks.
                [Throwing a stick]
                SpongeBob SquarePants: Fetch!
                [Jellyfish fetches stick]
                SpongeBob SquarePants: [holding up three fingers] How many fingers am I holding up?
                [Jellyfish buzzes three times]
                SpongeBob SquarePants: Play dead!
                [Jellyfish is buried under a tombstone, then comes out]
                Squidward: I wouldn't let that thing in my house even if it was potty-trained.
                [Jellyfish is sitting on a toilet, reading the newspaper and humming]
                Squidward: I didn't need to see that.
                  Squidward: Years ago, at this very restaurant, the hatch-slinging slasher used to be a frycook, just like you. Only clumsier! And then, one night, when he was cutting the patties, it happened...
                  SpongeBob: He forgot the secret sauce?
                  Squidward: No.
                  SpongeBob: He didn't wash his hands?
                  Squidward: No!
                  SpongeBob: Irregular portions?
                  Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand! By mistake!
                  SpongeBob: You mean like this?
                  [At every 'this', SpongeBob removes his arm and a new one grows back]
                  SpongeBob: Or like this? Or this? Or this? But what about this? Or this? Or this? Or this?
                  Squidward: Except he wasn't a sponge!
                  SpongeBob: So?
                  Squidward: So it didn't grow back!
                  SpongeBob: OH NO!
                  Squidward: And he replaced his hand... with a rusty spatula. And then... he got hit by a bus! And, as funeral, they fired him! So now... every... What day is it?
                  SpongeBob: Tuesday.
                  Squidward: Tuesday night! His ghost returns to the Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance!
                    Fish: Meep
                      SpongeBob SquarePants: [waiting for the bus] Getting hungry. Glove candy dispenser! Good thing I went to Glove World.
                      [takes candy from dispenser, then spits it out]
                      SpongeBob SquarePants: Eww! Glove-flavored.
                        [Looking for Squidward in a crowd of squids]
                        SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you Squidward?
                        Squid #1: No.
                        SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you Squidward?
                        Squid #2: No.
                        Patrick: [to a fire hydrant] Are you Squidward?
                        Patrick: It's okay. Take your time.
                          SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess Grampa SquarePants was right: Never run for a bus...
                          [Imitates Grampa SquarePants]
                          SpongeBob SquarePants: ... especially one that's going up at a 90 degree angle.
                            Mermaid Man: Now, who wants to save the world?
                            SpongeBob: I do!
                            Patrick: I do!
                            Sandy Cheeks: I do!
                            Squidward: I don't.
                            Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes you do, no world means no money, so either save the world, or you're fired!
                            [Squidward sighs]
                              Squidward: Will you please stop leaving your undergarments on my front lawn?
                                Patrick: Don't geniuses live in lamps?
                                  spongebob: Hey patrick, what am I?
                                  patrick: uhhhh stupid?
                                  spongebob: No I'm Texas
                                  patrick:...what's the difference
                                    Patrick Star: "Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper!"
                                      Sandy Cheeks: "So's Patrick's bellybutton, but I ain't afraid of that, neither!"
                                        Spongebob: "Squidward, the crowd is insatiable!"
                                          Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call "Mom"?
                                          SpongeBob: No Patrick, that's your mother.
                                            SpongeBob: Patrick, how long have we been standng here?
                                            Patrick:(looks at a drawing of a watch on his wrist) Aww! I gotta draw a new battery for this!