Family Guy Quotes
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    30943
      Peter:
      Is this your card?
      Blind guy:
      I don't know.
      Peter:
      Was it a red card?
      Blind guy:
      I don't know what "red" is.
      Peter:
      Ta-Dah!
      30901
        Carter:
        (singing to "Walk Like An Egyptian")My back is hurting from the chair I'm siting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from "Who's The Boss" says "Ay-o, way-o, O-way-oh way-oh".
        30897
          Peter:
          Shut up, Meg.
          22768
            Jesus:
            (a cutaway of Jesus Christ giving up his goals is shown. He's a slovenly father with a bunch of kids fighting and screaming)
            "Why is the ironing board still out?!"
            22767
              Robber:
              Oh, sweet! A bike! (Picks up bike and runs away.)
              22766
                Handi-Quacks theme song, sung by Peter.:
                One day, 3 ducks were crossing the road, goin' to get some soda, but they weren't looking where they're goin', and a bus came along and hit them all! Now they're handicapped, and... no, that's pretty much it. Handi-Quacks! And they never got their soda~!
                22765
                  B.C. Stewie:
                  "Damn all. What deuce? Victory Stewie's."
                  22764
                    Adam West:
                    (seeing Brian's poop on his lawn) "Well, I'll be damned. And they called me crazy; 'You can't plant sausage seeds', they said. Well, look at this!"
                    22763
                      Peter:
                      (to Seamus the wooden limbed sailor) "Are you up for bids, too? You are just precious!"
                      22762
                        Quagmire's theme song:
                        Who else but Quagmire?

                        He's Quagmire! Quagmire, you never quite know what he's gonna do next.
                        He's Quagmire! Quagmire, gigity, gigity, gigity let's have sex.

                        Who else but Quagmire?

                        He's Quagmire! Quagmire, gigity, gigity goo.
                        22761
                          Quagmire:
                          "If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together...OH!"
                          22760
                            Stewie, Chris, and the Hardware Store Clerk:
                            "Good evening shop keep. I require a circular saw. One powerful enough to saw through a sternem. I need it for...... Oh blast! What do kids study nowadays? For latin class!"

                            "I can't sell power tools to minors."

                            "Listen you cod piece. Allow me to purchase the provisions which I require or...... Who the deuce are you? No I don't have any spare change. Where would I keep it? My diaper? Get away from me you homo! Oh blast is this thing still on?"?
                            22759
                              Stewie, Brian, Peter, and Lois:
                              Woah what are you doing? Those are my grahm crackers! I'm going to get something to hit you over the head with.

                              Good morning Peter! Peter you look terrible! What happened in there?

                              Last night Lois was the man!

                              Dear lord!

                              Don't worry. I didn't cry!

                              [Crack!]

                              Oh my god Stewie! What did you do?

                              It looks like Stewie "freeed the beast" on the back of Peter's head
                              22758
                                Peter:
                                The bird is the word
                                22757
                                  Brian:
                                  So you made flag girl huh meg!
                                  Stewie:
                                  So now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call!
                                  22756
                                    Half-dead Fat Guy:
                                    Hey...you gonna eat that dead fat guy?
                                    22755
                                      Adam West:
                                      Hey baby, care to take a gander at some Adam West penis?
                                      22754
                                        Stewie giving Brian a Compliment Sandwich:
                                        You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile.
                                        22753
                                          Brian:
                                          "Whose leg do I have to hump to get a dry martini around here?"
                                          22752
                                            Stewie:
                                            "What the deuce?"