Family Guy Quotes
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    32775
      Peter:
      Let's see what is says here. Oh sweet it says "Audi"! I'm getting a car!
      Lois:
      Peter, that says "Audit".
      Peter:
      Lois, it's a foreign car. The "t" is silent.
      32544
        Joe:
        Sorry Mr. West. We've got the whole force looking for the Griffins but we can't find them.
        Adam West:
        Not the Griffins, my Lite Brite pegs! My name isn't Adam We! Or is it? What number did you dial? Don't ever call me again! I guess I told him. Nobody messes with Adam We.
        32543
          Peter:
          Look Brian, there's a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says "oooooooo".
          Brian:
          Peter, those are Cheerios.
          32329
            Dan Rather:
            Good Evening, I'm Dan Rather, and tonight on CBS News, seven Saudi soldiers sodomized several of Saddam's southern settlement squatters. ssssss(whistles like tea kettle, a worker moves him to a new seat)I'm Dan Rather.
            31759
              Lois:
              Peter, it's me Grimace. You got any hamburgers I can steal?
              Peter:
              Lois, the Hamburgular steals burgers. Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.
              31648
                Peter:
                Is that really the blood of Christ?
                Priest:
                Yes.
                Peter:
                Wow! That guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!
                31235
                  Lieutenant :
                  Pack up your boots and guns guys because you're being shipped off to Iraq!
                  Brian:
                  Iraq?!
                  Stewie:
                  Relax, Brian. I'm sure he means Fraggli-Roc.
                  31093
                    Meg:
                    Chris, look what you did!
                    Chris:
                    You mean look what two black teens did when they stole dad's bike.
                    31059
                      Meg:
                      This morning I had a hard poop that hurt but after that I felt better.
                      31045
                        Peter:
                        C'mon! Do math!
                        30998
                          Peter:
                          See Lois I've found out hot to kill two birds with one stone(smashes birds with rock). See, you just need small enough birds and a big enough rock. I also found out how to accomplish two goals with one action.
                          30978
                            Stewie:
                            Well, at least it's not raining...yeah, it's not raining.(ninja runs up and stabs him)
                            30977
                              Meg:
                              Drive.
                              Brian:
                              Any particular direction?
                              Meg:
                              That way!
                              30976
                                Mort:
                                Well, at least I didn't get robbed. And what can I do for you two fine black men today?
                                30975
                                  Stewie:
                                  You know, mother. They say your life is like a box of chocolates. Your life, however is more like a box of active grenades!
                                  30945
                                    Lois:
                                    Peter, why are we stopped?
                                    Peter:
                                    Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
                                    Lois:
                                    Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
                                    Peter:
                                    Oh that's right...and a kid's meal...
                                    30943
                                      Peter:
                                      Is this your card?
                                      Blind guy:
                                      I don't know.
                                      Peter:
                                      Was it a red card?
                                      Blind guy:
                                      I don't know what "red" is.
                                      Peter:
                                      Ta-Dah!
                                      30901
                                        Carter:
                                        (singing to "Walk Like An Egyptian")My back is hurting from the chair I'm siting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from "Who's The Boss" says "Ay-o, way-o, O-way-oh way-oh".
                                        30897
                                          Peter:
                                          Shut up, Meg.
                                          22768
                                            Jesus:
                                            (a cutaway of Jesus Christ giving up his goals is shown. He's a slovenly father with a bunch of kids fighting and screaming)
                                            "Why is the ironing board still out?!"