Family Guy Quotes
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    33324
      Fozzie Bear:
      (deep voice) Wakka wakka, who wants to hear a funny-ass joke?
      32775
        Peter:
        Let's see what is says here. Oh sweet it says "Audi"! I'm getting a car!
        Lois:
        Peter, that says "Audit".
        Peter:
        Lois, it's a foreign car. The "t" is silent.
        32544
          Joe:
          Sorry Mr. West. We've got the whole force looking for the Griffins but we can't find them.
          Adam West:
          Not the Griffins, my Lite Brite pegs! My name isn't Adam We! Or is it? What number did you dial? Don't ever call me again! I guess I told him. Nobody messes with Adam We.
          32543
            Peter:
            Look Brian, there's a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says "oooooooo".
            Brian:
            Peter, those are Cheerios.
            32329
              Dan Rather:
              Good Evening, I'm Dan Rather, and tonight on CBS News, seven Saudi soldiers sodomized several of Saddam's southern settlement squatters. ssssss(whistles like tea kettle, a worker moves him to a new seat)I'm Dan Rather.
              31759
                Lois:
                Peter, it's me Grimace. You got any hamburgers I can steal?
                Peter:
                Lois, the Hamburgular steals burgers. Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.
                31648
                  Peter:
                  Is that really the blood of Christ?
                  Priest:
                  Yes.
                  Peter:
                  Wow! That guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!
                  31235
                    Lieutenant :
                    Pack up your boots and guns guys because you're being shipped off to Iraq!
                    Brian:
                    Iraq?!
                    Stewie:
                    Relax, Brian. I'm sure he means Fraggli-Roc.
                    31093
                      Meg:
                      Chris, look what you did!
                      Chris:
                      You mean look what two black teens did when they stole dad's bike.
                      31059
                        Meg:
                        This morning I had a hard poop that hurt but after that I felt better.
                        31045
                          Peter:
                          C'mon! Do math!
                          30998
                            Peter:
                            See Lois I've found out hot to kill two birds with one stone(smashes birds with rock). See, you just need small enough birds and a big enough rock. I also found out how to accomplish two goals with one action.
                            30978
                              Stewie:
                              Well, at least it's not raining...yeah, it's not raining.(ninja runs up and stabs him)
                              30977
                                Meg:
                                Drive.
                                Brian:
                                Any particular direction?
                                Meg:
                                That way!
                                30976
                                  Mort:
                                  Well, at least I didn't get robbed. And what can I do for you two fine black men today?
                                  30975
                                    Stewie:
                                    You know, mother. They say your life is like a box of chocolates. Your life, however is more like a box of active grenades!
                                    30945
                                      Lois:
                                      Peter, why are we stopped?
                                      Peter:
                                      Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
                                      Lois:
                                      Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
                                      Peter:
                                      Oh that's right...and a kid's meal...
                                      30943
                                        Peter:
                                        Is this your card?
                                        Blind guy:
                                        I don't know.
                                        Peter:
                                        Was it a red card?
                                        Blind guy:
                                        I don't know what "red" is.
                                        Peter:
                                        Ta-Dah!
                                        30901
                                          Carter:
                                          (singing to "Walk Like An Egyptian")My back is hurting from the chair I'm siting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from "Who's The Boss" says "Ay-o, way-o, O-way-oh way-oh".
                                          30897
                                            Peter:
                                            Shut up, Meg.