32329
Dan Rather:
Good Evening, I'm Dan Rather, and tonight on CBS News, seven Saudi soldiers sodomized several of Saddam's southern settlement squatters. ssssss(whistles like tea kettle, a worker moves him to a new seat)I'm Dan Rather.
31759
Lois:
Peter, it's me Grimace. You got any hamburgers I can steal?
Peter:
Lois, the Hamburgular steals burgers. Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.
31648
Peter:
Is that really the blood of Christ?
Priest:
Yes.
Peter:
Wow! That guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!
31235
Lieutenant :
Pack up your boots and guns guys because you're being shipped off to Iraq!
Brian:
Iraq?!
Stewie:
Relax, Brian. I'm sure he means Fraggli-Roc.
31093
Meg:
Chris, look what you did!
Chris:
You mean look what two black teens did when they stole dad's bike.
31059
Meg:
This morning I had a hard poop that hurt but after that I felt better.
31045
Peter:
C'mon! Do math!
30998
Peter:
See Lois I've found out hot to kill two birds with one stone(smashes birds with rock). See, you just need small enough birds and a big enough rock. I also found out how to accomplish two goals with one action.
30978
Stewie:
Well, at least it's not raining...yeah, it's not raining.(ninja runs up and stabs him)
30977
Meg:
Drive.
Brian:
Any particular direction?
Meg:
That way!
30976
Mort:
Well, at least I didn't get robbed. And what can I do for you two fine black men today?
30975
Stewie:
You know, mother. They say your life is like a box of chocolates. Your life, however is more like a box of active grenades!
30945
Lois:
Peter, why are we stopped?
Peter:
Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois:
Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter:
Oh that's right...and a kid's meal...
30943
Peter:
Is this your card?
Blind guy:
I don't know.
Peter:
Was it a red card?
Blind guy:
I don't know what "red" is.
Peter:
Ta-Dah!
30901
Carter:
(singing to "Walk Like An Egyptian")My back is hurting from the chair I'm siting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from "Who's The Boss" says "Ay-o, way-o, O-way-oh way-oh".
30897
Peter:
Shut up, Meg.
22768
Jesus:
(a cutaway of Jesus Christ giving up his goals is shown. He's a slovenly father with a bunch of kids fighting and screaming)
"Why is the ironing board still out?!"
"Why is the ironing board still out?!"
22767
Robber:
Oh, sweet! A bike! (Picks up bike and runs away.)
22766
Handi-Quacks theme song, sung by Peter.:
One day, 3 ducks were crossing the road, goin' to get some soda, but they weren't looking where they're goin', and a bus came along and hit them all! Now they're handicapped, and... no, that's pretty much it. Handi-Quacks! And they never got their soda~!
22765
B.C. Stewie:
"Damn all. What deuce? Victory Stewie's."
