Family Guy Quotes
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    33415
      Peter:
      This is the worst thing that's happened to this town since that roving gang of Tom Brokaws!
      Tom Brokaw:
      (cut to Peter seeing a gang of him) Looks like someone's a little lost.
      33324
        Fozzie Bear:
        (deep voice) Wakka wakka, who wants to hear a funny-ass joke?
        32775
          Peter:
          Let's see what is says here. Oh sweet it says "Audi"! I'm getting a car!
          Lois:
          Peter, that says "Audit".
          Peter:
          Lois, it's a foreign car. The "t" is silent.
          32544
            Joe:
            Sorry Mr. West. We've got the whole force looking for the Griffins but we can't find them.
            Adam West:
            Not the Griffins, my Lite Brite pegs! My name isn't Adam We! Or is it? What number did you dial? Don't ever call me again! I guess I told him. Nobody messes with Adam We.
            32543
              Peter:
              Look Brian, there's a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says "oooooooo".
              Brian:
              Peter, those are Cheerios.
              32329
                Dan Rather:
                Good Evening, I'm Dan Rather, and tonight on CBS News, seven Saudi soldiers sodomized several of Saddam's southern settlement squatters. ssssss(whistles like tea kettle, a worker moves him to a new seat)I'm Dan Rather.
                31759
                  Lois:
                  Peter, it's me Grimace. You got any hamburgers I can steal?
                  Peter:
                  Lois, the Hamburgular steals burgers. Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.
                  31648
                    Peter:
                    Is that really the blood of Christ?
                    Priest:
                    Yes.
                    Peter:
                    Wow! That guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!
                    31235
                      Lieutenant :
                      Pack up your boots and guns guys because you're being shipped off to Iraq!
                      Brian:
                      Iraq?!
                      Stewie:
                      Relax, Brian. I'm sure he means Fraggli-Roc.
                      31093
                        Meg:
                        Chris, look what you did!
                        Chris:
                        You mean look what two black teens did when they stole dad's bike.
                        31059
                          Meg:
                          This morning I had a hard poop that hurt but after that I felt better.
                          31045
                            Peter:
                            C'mon! Do math!
                            30998
                              Peter:
                              See Lois I've found out hot to kill two birds with one stone(smashes birds with rock). See, you just need small enough birds and a big enough rock. I also found out how to accomplish two goals with one action.
                              30978
                                Stewie:
                                Well, at least it's not raining...yeah, it's not raining.(ninja runs up and stabs him)
                                30977
                                  Meg:
                                  Drive.
                                  Brian:
                                  Any particular direction?
                                  Meg:
                                  That way!
                                  30976
                                    Mort:
                                    Well, at least I didn't get robbed. And what can I do for you two fine black men today?
                                    30975
                                      Stewie:
                                      You know, mother. They say your life is like a box of chocolates. Your life, however is more like a box of active grenades!
                                      30945
                                        Lois:
                                        Peter, why are we stopped?
                                        Peter:
                                        Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
                                        Lois:
                                        Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
                                        Peter:
                                        Oh that's right...and a kid's meal...
                                        30943
                                          Peter:
                                          Is this your card?
                                          Blind guy:
                                          I don't know.
                                          Peter:
                                          Was it a red card?
                                          Blind guy:
                                          I don't know what "red" is.
                                          Peter:
                                          Ta-Dah!
                                          30901
                                            Carter:
                                            (singing to "Walk Like An Egyptian")My back is hurting from the chair I'm siting on, where's the Tylenol? If I lay down flat on the floor, it usually kind of fixes it. Tony Danza from "Who's The Boss" says "Ay-o, way-o, O-way-oh way-oh".