Kung Fury Quotes
    Close
    33695
      Colonel Reichstache:
      Your mustache looks like shit. You have to get rid of it.
      Private Lahmstache:
      Get rid of it?
      Colonel Reichstache:
      Yes. It looks ridiculous.
      Private Lahmstache:
      My mustache? But it is an Arian mustache.
      Colonel Reichstache:
      No, this is an Arian mustache. Yours looks like pubes from a dog hooker. A hooker dog.
      Private Lahmstache:
      Funny you should say that. You look like you fell into a hairy ass with glue stuck on your lip.
      Colonel Reichstache:
      This is an Arian mustache. I'm embarrassed for you. You look ridiculous.
      Private Lahmstache:
      This is an Arian mustache. This is mine. This is a good looking mustache.
      Colonel Reichstache:
      Are you going to cry now?
      Private Lahmstache:
      This is...
      Colonel Reichstache:
      Cry home to your mommy. Are you a little cry baby?
      Private Lahmstache:
      Your mustache... [wipes tears]
      Colonel Reichstache:
      Sorry, but you have to get rid of it. It looks ridiculous. [Private Lahmstache notices that the tank is missing]
      Private Lahmstache:
      Where did the tank go?
      Kung Fury:
      [Kung Fury holds the tank upward from the barrel and squashes the two Nazi soldiers with it] Tank you.
      33645
        Hitler:
        [Hitler points his gun at punk] Give me ze phone! [Punk gives Hitler his cell phone. Hitler dials the police precinct. Meanwhile, the Chief is looking at a police report]
        Chief:
        What the hell is this? [Phone rings] Chief McNickles speaking.
        Hitler:
        Is this ze police?
        Chief:
        Yeah, this is the police.
        Hitler:
        Fuck you! [Hitler shoots through the phone, killing the Chief. He then continues to shoot at the whole precinct through the phone before Kung Fury storms in and shoots down the phone]
        Kung Fury:
        I need someone to trace that call!
        Officer:
        But that's impossible.
        Hacker Man:
        Not for me, it isn't.
        Kung Fury:
        [narration] Hackerman. He's the most powerful hacker of all time.
        Hacker Man:
        Follow me.
        33644
          Kung Fury:
          [Kung Fury defeats the arcade machine robot before pointing his gun at it] Game over.
          33391
            Hacker Man:
            I was able to triangulate the cell phone signal and trace the caller. His name is Adolf Hitler.
            Kung Fury:
            Hitler. He's the worst criminal of all time.
            Hacker Man:
            Do you know him, sir?
            Kung Fury:
            I guess you could say that. In the 1940s, Hitler was a kung-fu champion. He was so good at kung-fu, that he decided to change his name to 'Kung F├╝hrer'. But he didn't stop there. He knew the Kung Fury prophecy, and wanted to claim the throne, so he and his posse of Nazi soldiers conducted experiments for years. They were never able to figure how to master the art of Kung Fury. Then one day, he disappeared from the face of the Earth. And no one has seen him ever since, until now. I guess if he figured he can find the Chosen One and kill him, He will become Kung Fury himself. He must have traveled in time in order to get here, which is probably why he disappeared in the first place.
            Hacker Man:
            So what are you gonna do?
            Kung Fury:
            My job. I'm gonna go back in time to Nazi Germany and kill Hitler once and for all.
            Hacker Man:
            So, uh, how are you gonna do that?
            Kung Fury:
            I'm not sure. I need some sort of time machine.
            [Hackerman thinks]
            Hacker Man:
            Wait a minute. Using an RX modulator, I might be able to conduct a mainframe cell direct and hack the uplink to the download.
            Kung Fury:
            What the hell does that mean?
            Hacker Man:
            It means that with the right computer algorithms, I can hack you back in time. Just like a time machine.
            Kung Fury:
            Well then. It's hacking time.
            33390
              Kung Fury:
              [Kung Fury grabs a Nazi soldier by the arm]
              I'm disarming you.
              [He rips the arm off]
              33389
                Cop:
                [from trailer] Hey, you got a permit for those guns?
                Gang Leader:
                I got your permit right here. [Gang leader drops his skateboard under the police car, then stomps on one end, flipping the car mid-air before the gang shoots it]
                33388
                  Kung Fury:
                  You don't need that spine? [Grabs Nazi soldier by the head and rips out his spine] It's holding you back