20667
Crystal's baby:
Whah! Whah! Whah!
Becky:
Now what's wrong?
Darleen:
Maybe you should change his diaper.
Becky:
I JUST CHANGED HIS DIAPERS A DOZEN TIMES!!!
20666
Becky:
Cindy Clark's mom pays her two dollars an hour to babysit
Roseanne:
Well Cindy Clark's mother is a RICH drunken slut
20665
(Roseanne showing Jackie her witch's costume for halloween)
Jackie: looks great, where'd you get the hat?
Roseanne: my mother in-law.
Jackie: looks great, where'd you get the hat?
Roseanne: my mother in-law.
20664
Darlene: do you think boobs will effect my pitching?
Roseanne: not this season.
Roseanne: not this season.
20663
Roseanne: no matter what we do we're gonna screw our kids up! Let me have Darlene and you can have Becky.
Dan: what about D.J?
Roseanne: we'll flip for it
Dan: what about D.J?
Roseanne: we'll flip for it
20662
Roseanne and Darlene:
"Hawks generally don't pass out on the couch after eating a quart of ice cream" - Darlene's response to Roseanne after Roseanne has been "watching her like a hawk"
-Roseanne and Darlene
-Roseanne and Darlene
20661
Dan:
Oh its a proud proud dayyyy
-Dan
-Dan
20660
Roseanne:
"Welcome to Rosannadu" (to David after deciding to let him move in...Dan & Roseanne had just explained the rules of the house & that the rules could change at any time even for their amusement)
-Roseanne
-Roseanne
20659
Darlene:
(to David) I can make you feel like a man...
Take out the trash.
-Darlene
Take out the trash.
-Darlene
20658
ROSEANNE:
WE MAY NOT HAVE ANY ELECTRICITY, BUT WE SURE KNOW THE SPEED OF STUPID
-ROSEANNE
-ROSEANNE
20657
Roseanne and Becky:
Becky: Cindy Clark's mom lets her stay home alone!
Roseanne: YEAH WELL CINDY CLARK'S MOM IS A DRUNKEN SLUT!
-Roseanne and Becky
Roseanne: YEAH WELL CINDY CLARK'S MOM IS A DRUNKEN SLUT!
-Roseanne and Becky
20656
Dan:
*heading for the frige* Grape grape grape grape grape! Grape grape grape grape grape! *get to the frige and gets a popicle* Orange orange orange orange orange! Orange orange orange orange orange!
-Dan
-Dan
20655
Darleen Conner:
Oh, I think I found my lost hamster.
-Darleen Conner
-Darleen Conner
20654
Darleen Conner:
Yes this is Mrs. Conner. Oh D.J.'s been very sick and hasn't been able to make it.
-Darleen Conner
-Darleen Conner
20653
Becky:
Aunt Jackie took her seditives. I tried giving them to DJ but he wouldn't take them.
-Becky
-Becky
20652
Roseanne:
God if you and me ever team up, wow!
-Roseanne
-Roseanne
20651
Roseanne:
If I ever get off this sofa I will be unstoppable.
-Roseanne
-Roseanne
20650
Roseanne:
Now that im rich I don't have time to run other people's lifes.
-Roseanne
-Roseanne
20649
Roseanne and Darlene:
You guys don't think we get your corny little sex jokes. You kids are our corny little sex jokes.
-Roseanne and Darlene
-Roseanne and Darlene
20648
Roseanne:
Something is up, let's look for clue. David is pale and shaky so there is no clues there. But Darlene wants to sit next to me and complimented her brother hmm let me guess. Your pregnant! (silance) THAT WAS MY JOKE!
-Roseanne
-Roseanne
