Ted Quotes
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    30866
      Ted:
      why're you crying?
      John:
      my dick is squished by the TV!
      30865
        Donnie:
        you're mine, ted!
        Ted:
        screw you, pal! i belong to john bennet!
        Donnie:
        but i can give you love, and rocking horses, and dancing!
        Ted:
        i think we're very far apart on this!
        30774
          Sam Jones:
          we are gonna party like the 80s
          Ted:
          show us how, flash
          Sam Jones:
          easy
          we just gotta nail a lot of girls named stephanie
          30715
            Store Manager:
            so you think you got what it takes?
            Ted:
            i'll tell you what i got
            your wifes pussy on my breath
            Store Manager:
            nobodys ever talked to me like that before
            Ted:
            thats because everyones mouth is usually full of your wifes box
            Store Manager:
            ...you're hired
            Ted:
            shit
            30714
              Lori:
              [about to pick up the s**t on the floor]
              oh god!
              John:
              oh what?!
              Lori:
              oh, this is so gross!
              John:
              don't tell me! i don't want to hear about it!
              did you get it?!
              Lori:
              NO, I DIDN'T GET IT!
              John:
              let me know when you get it!
              Lori:
              OH MY GOD! I GOT SOME ON MY THUMB!
              John:
              NO! YOU CAN NEVER COOK WITH THAT HAND AGAIN!
              YOU GOTTA LEARN TO COOK LEFT-HANDED!
              Lori:
              [running off] OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE MOST DISGUSTING THING EVER!
              John:
              NO! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!