Homer: Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours.
Homer: Are you mad, woman? You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it's not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? And these TV guides... so many memories...
Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!
Grandpa: I can feel death's clammy hand on my shoulder...wait, that's my hand.
Homer: Hey, can you take the wheel for a second? I have to scratch myself in two places at once!
Homer: Let's just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the TV and I turned out TV.
Homer: Our forecast calls for flurries of passion followed by an extended period of gettin' it on.
Homer: I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
Homer: This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's comet collided with the moon.
Grandpa: I always get the blame around here! Who threw a cane at the TV? Who fell into the china hutch? Who got their dentures stuck on the toilet?
Homer: I'm no supervising technician, I'm a technical supervisor.
Homer: Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!
Homer: Hey, this man is not breathing. Don't people usually breathe?
Homer: I discovered a meal between breakfast and brunch.
Homer: Look at them. Watching my TV. Sitting on my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!
Homer: As the Bible says, "Thou shalt not horn in on thy husband's racket"
Homer: And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.
Ralphie: Then, the doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that's why it was the best summer ever.
Ralphie: And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.
Homer: We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?