13210
Jane: Would you like a nightcap?
Frank: No thank you, I don't wear them.
Frank: No thank you, I don't wear them.
13209
Mrs. Nordberg: Oh, my poor Nordberg! He was such a good man, Frank. He never wanted to hurt anyone. Who would do such a thing?
Frank: It's hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover...
Frank: It's hard to tell. A gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband, a gay lover...
13208
Nurse #2: Mrs. Nordberg, I think we can save your husband's arm. Where would you like it sent?
13207
[while Jane is erotically sucking his finger]
Frank: I've got nine more.
Frank: I've got nine more.
13206
Jane: I was only doing what I was told to do.
Frank: Like make love to me?
Jane: [gasps] FRANK!
[slaps him across the face]
Frank: Like make love to me?
Jane: [gasps] FRANK!
[slaps him across the face]
13205
Jane: How could you do something so vicious
Vincent Ludwig: It was easy my dear. You forget I spent two years as a building contractor.
Vincent Ludwig: It was easy my dear. You forget I spent two years as a building contractor.
13204
Mayor Barkley: Entering without a search warrant, destroying property, arson, sexual assault with a concrete dildo... what the hell's got into you, Frank?
13203
Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.
13202
Frank: A good cop - needlessly cut down by some cowardly hoodlums.
Ed: No way for a man to die.
Frank: No... you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go.
Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh... Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don't you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don't you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He's right, Wilma. But I wouldn't wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I'm trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he's welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he's a drooling vegetable. But I think that's only common sense...
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: No way for a man to die.
Frank: No... you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening... that's a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that's the way I wanna go.
Wilma Nordberg: [cries] Oh... Frank. This is terrible.
Ed: Don't you worry Wilma. Your husband is going to be alright. Don't you worry about anything. Just think positive. Never let a doubt enter your mind.
Frank: He's right, Wilma. But I wouldn't wait until the last minute to fill out those organ donor cards.
[Wilma cries again]
Ed: What I'm trying to say is that Wilma, as soon as Nordburg is better, he's welcome back at Police Squad.
Frank: Unless he's a drooling vegetable. But I think that's only common sense...
[Wilma cries again]
13201
[Frank Drebin walks through town]
Frank: [narrating] The attempt on Nordberg's life left me shaken and disturbed, and all the questions kept coming up over and over again, like bubbles in a case of club soda. Who was this character in the hospital? And why was he trying to kill Nordberg? And for whom? Did Ludwig lie to me? I didn't have any proof, but, somehow, I didn't entirely trust him, either. Why was the I Luv You not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And where the hell was I?
Frank: [narrating] The attempt on Nordberg's life left me shaken and disturbed, and all the questions kept coming up over and over again, like bubbles in a case of club soda. Who was this character in the hospital? And why was he trying to kill Nordberg? And for whom? Did Ludwig lie to me? I didn't have any proof, but, somehow, I didn't entirely trust him, either. Why was the I Luv You not listed in Ludwig's records? And if it was, did he know about it? And if he didn't, who did? And where the hell was I?
13200
Jane: How about a rain check?
Frank: Well, let's just stick to dinner.
Frank: Well, let's just stick to dinner.
13199
Ed: [after Ludwig has been hit with a poison Dart, fallen off a building, run over by a car and a steam roller and trampled by a marching band] Oh, Frank! It's horrible. It's so horrible!
Frank: [comforts Ed] I know...
Ed: My father went the same way...
Frank: [comforts Ed] I know...
Ed: My father went the same way...
13198
[Frank has beaten a horde of America's most-feared world leaders in a conference room and heads for a door]
Muammar al-Qaddafi: Hey, who are you?
Frank: I'm Lt. Frank Drebin! Police Squad! And don't ever let me catch you guys in America!
[the door hits Frank in the face and he loses his balance]
Muammar al-Qaddafi: Hey, who are you?
Frank: I'm Lt. Frank Drebin! Police Squad! And don't ever let me catch you guys in America!
[the door hits Frank in the face and he loses his balance]
13197
[in the midst of a fight in a Conference room, Frank wipes off Mikhail Gorbachev's birthmark. Frank looks at us]
Frank: I knew it.
[Frank crashes Gorbachev through a wall]
Frank: I knew it.
[Frank crashes Gorbachev through a wall]
13196
[Frank grabs a baseball bat and gets one of the umpire's attention]
Frank: Oh, excuse me. Um, could you tell me. Is this an official bat?
[Frank struck the umpire's head with the bat and was knocked out. Frank drags him to the equipment room]
Frank: Oh, excuse me. Um, could you tell me. Is this an official bat?
[Frank struck the umpire's head with the bat and was knocked out. Frank drags him to the equipment room]
13195
Jane: I'm boiling a roast. How hot and wet do you like it?
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.
Frank: Very hot, and awfully wet.
13194
[Frank knocks on the door of Enrico Pallazzo's room. Enrico opened the door]
Enrico Pallazzo: Yes?
Frank: Mr. Pallazzo?
Enrico Pallazzo: Si?
Frank: I'm the head usher.
Enrico Pallazzo: Ah!
Frank: I'm here to tell you... Excuse me.
[Enrico turns around and Frank struck his back]
Enrico Pallazzo: Uggh!
[Frank temporarily knocks out Enrico and closes the door as he takes Enrico into the room. Then, the stadium head usher arrives and knocks on the door where Frank took Enrico into]
Stadium Head Usher: Mr. Pallazzo?
Frank: [opens the door] Yes?
Stadium Head Usher: I'm the head usher.
Frank: One second.
Enrico Pallazzo: Yes?
Frank: Mr. Pallazzo?
Enrico Pallazzo: Si?
Frank: I'm the head usher.
Enrico Pallazzo: Ah!
Frank: I'm here to tell you... Excuse me.
[Enrico turns around and Frank struck his back]
Enrico Pallazzo: Uggh!
[Frank temporarily knocks out Enrico and closes the door as he takes Enrico into the room. Then, the stadium head usher arrives and knocks on the door where Frank took Enrico into]
Stadium Head Usher: Mr. Pallazzo?
Frank: [opens the door] Yes?
Stadium Head Usher: I'm the head usher.
Frank: One second.
13193
Man in Stadium Crowd: Hey Look! It's Enrico Pallazzo!
13192
Vincent Ludwig: Tell me, Mr. Papshmir, in all the world, who is the most effective assassin?
Papshmir: Well, I would think ANYONE who manages to conceal his identity as an assassin.
Vincent Ludwig: Yes, but there is even a more ideal assassin - one who doesn't KNOW he's an assassin.
Papshmir: Well, I would think ANYONE who manages to conceal his identity as an assassin.
Vincent Ludwig: Yes, but there is even a more ideal assassin - one who doesn't KNOW he's an assassin.
13191
[Frank recalls a prior love]
Frank: I'd known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She'd hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.
Frank: I'd known her for years. We used to go to all the police functions together. Ah, how I loved her, but she had her music. I think she had her music. She'd hang out with the Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument or be able to carry a tune. Yet she was on the road 300 days of the year. In fact I bought her a harp for christmas. She asked me what it was.
