Major League II Quotes
      Rube Baker: Women - you can't live with them, and they can't pee standing up.
        Rube Baker: Hey. Ya know Ricky, breaking up with a girlfriend can be a very painful thing. But it don't have to keep ya down for long. I mean, let me tell ya something from my own personal experience. I've never had a regular girlfriend like you, but I did get kicked in the balls once by a mule. Now, I thought I would be hurting for the rest of my life. But you know what happened the very next week?
        Rick Vaughn: What?
        Rube Baker: My momma died. Hell, after that, I didn't care no more about my balls hurtin'. You see what I'm gettin' at?
          Harry Doyle: [drunk] So, Hiroshi "Kamikaze" Tanaka, recently of the Tokyo Giants, knocks himself cold for the second time this week. Maybe in Japan, that's actually better than catching the ball. Personally, I think he's just trying to get out of the lineup.
            Harry Doyle: My God! Good news fans, the Indians are showing signs of life for the first time in weeks. As a matter of fact they appear to be beating the crap out of each other. It looks like Willie Hayes is trying to hit Rick Vaughn, and why not, everyone else in the league does. Hayes swings and misses. I don't know Monte, it looks like Vaughn is carrying his left a little low. This could hurt him in the later rounds.
              Johnny: Vile thing, you make my butt sting! I detest you! You're all garbage, all of ya! Back up the truck, back it up!
                Harry Doyle: Well fans, Roger Dorn has done a little redecorating around the ballpark. The outfield walls now look like the yellow pages. And any of you folks having trouble finding a good proctologist, might want to come down here and check out the area around the 375 foot sign. As for the game, we've got a real nailbiter here tonight. It's a lot closer than that 11-2 score.
                  Harry Doyle: So a tough loss for the Indians as Pedro Cerrano doubles off a pigeon and is tagged out while administering CPR before the tying run could score. Funny game ain't it Monty?
                  Monte: Well at least the bird survived.
                  Harry Doyle: Who cares? It's a rat with wings.
                    Harry Doyle: He'll need a rocket up his ass to catch that one; that baby's out of here.
                      Harry Doyle: Well he's gonna walk Beck to pitch to Parkman obviously Taylor's thinking... I don't know WHAT the hell he's thinking.
                        Roger Dorn: As General Manager of this team, I demand to know when I'm getting a start.
                        Jake Taylor: There's an old timer's game coming soon.
                          Rube Baker: Wow, Willie's really got some power.
                          Lou Brown: Off a guy who'll be bagging groceries in a couple of weeks!
                            Jack Parkman: I'm the only winner on this team. The rest of 'em, they're losers. Either by choice, or by birth.
                              Rube Baker: Hey, Cerrano. I'm on the rooster.