10203
Dr. Brainard: You were right about the electric flea collar. The extension cord was a bad idea.
10202
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Your dad will go to jail, your mother too. After all she's the one who paid for it all, that makes her an accomplice. Do you even know what it's like in jail?
Amy Szalinski: I'm not even going to tell you one more time to shut up.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: And then what? Then you'll smack me? You'll go to jail too. I'll tell them after a big bee ate my brother you smacked me around. No jury in the world would fail to convict you. The whole Szalinski family is going to be in jail for life...
Amy Szalinski: Look, my dad's machine works. When we get home and he fixes us all, we're gonna be so rich. You'll regret this.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Um... Amy, you know I've always liked your family. Your dad's a real nice guy. He's not as weird as I thought he was. I love you and Nick like... Like my own brother and sister.
Amy Szalinski: I'm not even going to tell you one more time to shut up.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: And then what? Then you'll smack me? You'll go to jail too. I'll tell them after a big bee ate my brother you smacked me around. No jury in the world would fail to convict you. The whole Szalinski family is going to be in jail for life...
Amy Szalinski: Look, my dad's machine works. When we get home and he fixes us all, we're gonna be so rich. You'll regret this.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Um... Amy, you know I've always liked your family. Your dad's a real nice guy. He's not as weird as I thought he was. I love you and Nick like... Like my own brother and sister.
10201
Mae Thompson: [Russ nurses a head wound] You got it, honey.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Sure?
Mae Thompson: Positive. You're wiping away brain cells and there aren't many to spare.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Everybody in my family is a comedian.
Mae Thompson: Everybody except you.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Sure?
Mae Thompson: Positive. You're wiping away brain cells and there aren't many to spare.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Everybody in my family is a comedian.
Mae Thompson: Everybody except you.
10200
[Wayne shows the Thompsons the shrunken furniture]
Mae Thompson: Why didn't you tell us earlier?
Diane Szalinski: Well, up until now, the machine just... blew things up.
Mae Thompson: Are you saying that that machine...?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Blew up my kids?
Diane Szalinski, Wayne Szalinski: No, no!
Wayne Szalinski: No, if the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere...
Diane Szalinski: Wayne!
Wayne Szalinski: Sorry, but I'm positive about this. The machine shrunk our kids.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: You're the one who needs a shrink, Szalinski. You are a nut case. And I'll tell you something, I have got an air hammer in my attic and if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you *all over the neighbourhood*! Come on, Mae!
[he storms out of the house, dragging Mae after him]
Wayne Szalinski: I think that went well.
Diane Szalinski: I think we should have them over more often.
Mae Thompson: Why didn't you tell us earlier?
Diane Szalinski: Well, up until now, the machine just... blew things up.
Mae Thompson: Are you saying that that machine...?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Blew up my kids?
Diane Szalinski, Wayne Szalinski: No, no!
Wayne Szalinski: No, if the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere...
Diane Szalinski: Wayne!
Wayne Szalinski: Sorry, but I'm positive about this. The machine shrunk our kids.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: You're the one who needs a shrink, Szalinski. You are a nut case. And I'll tell you something, I have got an air hammer in my attic and if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you *all over the neighbourhood*! Come on, Mae!
[he storms out of the house, dragging Mae after him]
Wayne Szalinski: I think that went well.
Diane Szalinski: I think we should have them over more often.
10199
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Hey, if we had some rope, we could make a log bridge! If we... If we had some logs.
10198
[Wayne shows Diane the shrunken couch]
Diane Szalinski: [excited] Are you saying... it works? The machine works?
[Wayne nods]
Diane Szalinski: Do the kids know?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, yeah, the kids know.
Diane Szalinski: That's great!
Wayne Szalinski: No, it's not that great.
Diane Szalinski: Why?
Wayne Szalinski: I shrunk the kids.
Diane Szalinski: ...What?
Wayne Szalinski: And the Thompson kids too. They're about this big, they're in the backyard.
Diane Szalinski: *What*?
Wayne Szalinski: I threw them out with the trash.
[just as Diane grabs hold of Wayne, the doorbell rings. Wayne opens the door to two police officers]
Wayne Szalinski: Yes?
Female Cop: Did uh, you report two missing children?
Wayne Szalinski: Oh, there must be some mistake. Our children are in the backyard. Right, honey?
[Diane faints]
Diane Szalinski: [excited] Are you saying... it works? The machine works?
[Wayne nods]
Diane Szalinski: Do the kids know?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, yeah, the kids know.
Diane Szalinski: That's great!
Wayne Szalinski: No, it's not that great.
Diane Szalinski: Why?
Wayne Szalinski: I shrunk the kids.
Diane Szalinski: ...What?
Wayne Szalinski: And the Thompson kids too. They're about this big, they're in the backyard.
Diane Szalinski: *What*?
Wayne Szalinski: I threw them out with the trash.
[just as Diane grabs hold of Wayne, the doorbell rings. Wayne opens the door to two police officers]
Wayne Szalinski: Yes?
Female Cop: Did uh, you report two missing children?
Wayne Szalinski: Oh, there must be some mistake. Our children are in the backyard. Right, honey?
[Diane faints]
10197
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: I could eat a corndog the size of a truck.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Ron, if you had a corndog it would be the size of a truck.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Ron, if you had a corndog it would be the size of a truck.
10196
Ron Thompson: What's a river doing in your backyard?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: It's not a river, dope. It could be a stream of dog pee, and it would look like a river to us.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: It's not a river, dope. It could be a stream of dog pee, and it would look like a river to us.
10195
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Um, dad... You know that weights aren't my thing.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Weights aren't your thing. Fishing isn't your thing. Just what is your thing?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I don't know. But I'll keep you posted okay?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Okay, in the meantime, you're trying these weights, and you're coming fishing with the family! IS THAT CLEAR? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Yes sir.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Weights aren't your thing. Fishing isn't your thing. Just what is your thing?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I don't know. But I'll keep you posted okay?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Okay, in the meantime, you're trying these weights, and you're coming fishing with the family! IS THAT CLEAR? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Yes sir.
10194
Ron Thompson: I'm your brother, Russ, you're not supposed to fink on your own brother!
10193
Mae Thompson: How did this happen?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Let me handle this. How did this happen?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Let me handle this. How did this happen?
10192
Amy Szalinski: If you were my brother, I'd put myself up for adoption.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Yeah, I hope your face ends up on a milk carton.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Yeah, I hope your face ends up on a milk carton.
10191
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Something tells me we're not going fishing this weekend.
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: That should make you happy.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Blow it out your shorts, Ron!
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: That should make you happy.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Blow it out your shorts, Ron!
10190
Nick Szalinski: Where'd you learn artificial respiration?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: French class, kid.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: French class, kid.
10189
Nick Szalinski: We could be anywhere now.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I think we're still in your yard.
Nick Szalinski: How do you know?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Any other yard the grass would be shorter.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I think we're still in your yard.
Nick Szalinski: How do you know?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Any other yard the grass would be shorter.
10188
Nick Szalinski: When we crashed, my entire life flashed before my eyes. It didn't take too long.
10187
Nick Szalinski: We're now a quarter of an inch tall, and sixty four feet from the house. That's an equivalent of three-point-two miles. That's a long way. Even for a man of science.
10186
Amy Szalinski: I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto.
Nick Szalinski: I don't think we're in the food chain anymore, Dorothy.
Nick Szalinski: I don't think we're in the food chain anymore, Dorothy.
10185
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: When I was your age, I put on twenty pounds of pure unadulterated blitz-the-quarterback-and-rip-his-head-off muscle, Russell
10184
Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: "It's just that my dad doesn't understand your dad."
Amy Szalinski: "Your dad doesn't understand anything."
Amy Szalinski: "Your dad doesn't understand anything."
