National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Quotes
      Clark: I can't believe you're standing here in my living room, Eddie. Never thought the day would come.
      Eddie: Yeah I'm excited about it too.
        Art: [to Rocky] You got a kiss for me?
        Eddie: Better take a rain check on that, Art - he's got a lip fungus they ain't identified yet.
          Eddie: Don't forget the rubber sheets and gerbils.
            Clark: [Clark is about to cut the rope holding the branches of his huge Christmas tree] I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree.
            [He cuts the rope, and the branches fly out, breaking windows and surrounding Clark]
            Clark: Lotta sap in here! Mmmm... Looks great! Little full, lotta sap.
              Ellen: Clark! I don't want to spend the Holidays dead!
                Art: The little lights... they aren't twinkling.
                Clark: I know, Art. Thanks for noticing.
                  Clark: So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?
                  Eddie: Oh, that uh, that there's an RV. Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it?
                  Clark: Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway.
                  [Raises class to his mouth]
                  Eddie: Yeah, it sure does. But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month.
                  [Clark nearly chokes on his drink]
                    Rusty Griswold: Dad, this tree won't fit in our back yard.
                    Clark: It's not going in the yard, Russ. It's going in the living room.
                      Audrey: [Commenting on sleeping with her brother] I have nightmares about was he does when I'm NOT lying next to him.
                        Clark: My cousin in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain...
                        Eddie: I appreciate that, Clark.
                        Clark: ...Is innocent.
                          Clark: "You're pretty set so far as shopping goes?"
                          Eddie: "Well, I can't lie to you Clark. The truth is, things ain't going too good at all. You know I told you I borrowed the RV from my neighbor? Nope. It's mine. We live in it. I had to sell off the house, the barn, the ten acres. All I kept was a 50-foot plot, the pigs and the worm farm. If only I had back the money that me and Cathrine sent that TV preacher that was screwing the hockey players."
                          Clark: "What about the kids?"
                          Eddie: "His kids can fend for themselves. I don't even..."
                          Clark: "No, your kids."
                          Eddie: "Oh, well, that's the bitch of it. Se, I don't know what to do. We coasted into town on fumes. The gas money give out in Gurnee. "
                          Clark: "Eddie, Ellen and I want to help you give the kids a nice Christmas."
                          Eddie: "Oh Clark, I couldn't do that."
                          Clark: "No, no, we insist."
                          Eddie: "Oh, no; I'm not one for charity, now."
                          Clark: "Oh, I know that Eddie. This isn't charity; it's family."
                          Eddie: "Ooh, I don't know about that."
                          Clark: "Now, come on; if you don't tell me what they want, I,ll go out and get it on my own."
                          Eddie: "Oh boy, this is a surprise Clark. This is just a real nice surprise. Just a real nice surprise. Here's a little list. Alphabetical, starting with Cathrine. And if it wouldn't be too much, I'd like to get something for you Clark. Something really nice."
                            Clark: "I can't believe it."
                            Art: "What is it, a letter confirming your reservation at the nut house?"
                            Calrk: "It's from my company."
                            Ellen: "Your bonus."
                            Clark: "My bonus."
                            Nora: "Open it Clarkie, open it!"
                            Eddie: "Yeah, I hope it's a fortune Clark."
                            Clark: "I'll bet you do Eddie."
                              Russ: "Mom?"
                              Ellen: "Waht?"
                              Russ: "This box is meowing."
                              Clark: "Let me see it. (He shakes up the box and the cat meows.) She wrapped up her damn cat!"
                                Ellen: "Clark, what's wrong? It's bigger than you expected? Smaller? What is it?"
                                Clark: "It's a one year membership in the jelly of the month club."
                                Eddie: "Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year."
                                  Ellen: Clark, I think it'd be best if everyone went home... before things get worse.
                                  Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.
                                    Ruby Sue: Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain't Santa Claus?
                                    Clark: I'm sure... I can't even afford to be an elf.
                                      Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
                                      Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
                                      Clark: How'd you get through it?
                                      Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.
                                        Clark: Oh, I was just smelling - smiling. I was just blouse - browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn't... Oh hee hee, it wouldn't be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they - HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn't it?
                                        Mary: You have your coat on.
                                        Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?
                                          Clark: Russ, we checked every bulb, didn't we?
                                          Rusty Griswold: Sure, Dad.
                                          Clark: Hmm... Maybe we ought to just go up there and check...
                                          Rusty Griswold: Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car...
                                            Clark: Russ, go get the hammer.
                                            Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for?
                                            Clark: I'm gonna catch it in the coat... And smack it with the hammer.