Ferris Bueller's Day Off Quotes
      Ferris Bueller:
      [after his parents have left, thinking he is ill] They bought it. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this? This is my ninth sick day this semester. It's getting pretty tough coming up with new illnesses. If I go for ten, I'm probably gonna have to barf up a lung, so I'd better make this one count. The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom. I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

      Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it. I do have a test today, that wasn't bull-shit. It's on European socialism. I mean really, what's the point. I'm not European. I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists. They could be fascist anarchists and it still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

      It's not that I condone fascism or any 'ism' for that matter. Ism's, in my opinion, are not good. A person should not believe in an 'ism,' he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: 'I don't believe in Beatles. I just believe in me.' A good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off of people.
        Sloane: "Hey Cameron, you comfortable?"

        Cameron: "Hey Sloane, no."

        Sloane: "So what are we going to do?"

        Ferris: "The question isn't what we are going to do, it's what aren't we going to do."

        Cameron: "Please say we're not going to take the car. Please say we're not going to take the car."

        Ferris: "If you had a car like this, would you bring it back? Neither would I."
          "Do you have a kiss for Daddy?" - Ferris
            Druggie: "You never told me your name."
            Jeanie: "Well, it's Jeanie but most guys call me Shawna."
            Druggie: "Ok, Jeanie."
              Ferris: (Regarding John Lennon's "God") "He had a good point. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off of people".
                Rooney: "What's the score?"
                Bartender: "Nothin' - nothin' "
                Rooney: "Who's winning?"
                Bartender: "The Bears"
                Rooney: "I love baseball."
                  Jeanie: (Still on the house intercom) "I'd also like to add that I've got my father's gun and a SCORCHING case of herpes".
                    Jeanie: (On the house intercom) "Excuse me: If whoever was in the house is still in the house, I'd like you to know that I've just called the police".
                      Jeanie: (To Ferris as the parents look away) "Bite the big one, Junior!"
                        Principle Rooney: Whats the score?
                        Bartender: 2-2.
                        Rooney: Who's winning?
                        Bartender: The Bears!
                        Rooney: I Love Baseball.

                        Principle Rooney and Bartender
                        Ferris Buller's Day Off
                          Ferris: "Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond!"
                            I can't *stand* him and I *hate* this goddamn *car*. Who do you love? Who do you love? You love a car!
                              Cameron: (Ranting about his dad) "YOU DON'T LOVE ME! YOU LOVE A CAR!"
                                Ferris Bueller: "I do have a test today, that wasn't a bull**** .It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So, who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car."
                                  If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? Neither would I.
                                    Ferris and Sloane:
                                    Ferris: What is he doing?

                                    Sloane: He's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands.
                                    -Ferris and Sloane
                                      Ferris and Cameron:
                                      Cameron: He knows the milage Ferris. Ferris: So, whatever miles we put on, we'll take off. Cameron: How? Ferris: We'll drive home backwards!
                                      -Ferris and Cameron
                                        Ferris and Cameron:
                                        Cameron: It is his pride, it is his passion... Ferris: It is his fault he did not lock the garage.
                                        -Ferris and Cameron
                                          When Cameron was in Egypts land. Let my Cameron go.
                                            ferris to cameron:
                                            Ferris:how many miles did the car had when we first got it?
                                            Cameron:124 1/2 what how many does it have on now?
                                            ferris:now this is where cameron goes bezerk
                                            *Cameron screams in shock*

                                            -ferris to cameron