Family Guy Quotes
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    33545
      Stewie:
      Brian, either you cooperate with me or I blow my Adam Levine dog whistle!
      Adam Levine:
      (cut to him on a white background) Hey, my voice isn't that high.
      Stewie:
      It is. It is, though.
      33448
        Brian Griffin:
        You shot me in both my knees, the lit me on fire; piss off!
        33415
          Peter:
          This is the worst thing that's happened to this town since that roving gang of Tom Brokaws!
          Tom Brokaw:
          (cut to Peter seeing a gang of him) Looks like someone's a little lost.
          33324
            Fozzie Bear:
            (deep voice) Wakka wakka, who wants to hear a funny-ass joke?
            32775
              Peter:
              Let's see what is says here. Oh sweet it says "Audi"! I'm getting a car!
              Lois:
              Peter, that says "Audit".
              Peter:
              Lois, it's a foreign car. The "t" is silent.
              32544
                Joe:
                Sorry Mr. West. We've got the whole force looking for the Griffins but we can't find them.
                Adam West:
                Not the Griffins, my Lite Brite pegs! My name isn't Adam We! Or is it? What number did you dial? Don't ever call me again! I guess I told him. Nobody messes with Adam We.
                32543
                  Peter:
                  Look Brian, there's a message in my Alpha-Bits. It says "oooooooo".
                  Brian:
                  Peter, those are Cheerios.
                  32329
                    Dan Rather:
                    Good Evening, I'm Dan Rather, and tonight on CBS News, seven Saudi soldiers sodomized several of Saddam's southern settlement squatters. ssssss(whistles like tea kettle, a worker moves him to a new seat)I'm Dan Rather.
                    31759
                      Lois:
                      Peter, it's me Grimace. You got any hamburgers I can steal?
                      Peter:
                      Lois, the Hamburgular steals burgers. Grimace is Ronald McDonald's autistic friend.
                      31648
                        Peter:
                        Is that really the blood of Christ?
                        Priest:
                        Yes.
                        Peter:
                        Wow! That guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day!
                        31235
                          Lieutenant :
                          Pack up your boots and guns guys because you're being shipped off to Iraq!
                          Brian:
                          Iraq?!
                          Stewie:
                          Relax, Brian. I'm sure he means Fraggli-Roc.
                          31093
                            Meg:
                            Chris, look what you did!
                            Chris:
                            You mean look what two black teens did when they stole dad's bike.
                            31059
                              Meg:
                              This morning I had a hard poop that hurt but after that I felt better.
                              31045
                                Peter:
                                C'mon! Do math!
                                30998
                                  Peter:
                                  See Lois I've found out hot to kill two birds with one stone(smashes birds with rock). See, you just need small enough birds and a big enough rock. I also found out how to accomplish two goals with one action.
                                  30978
                                    Stewie:
                                    Well, at least it's not raining...yeah, it's not raining.(ninja runs up and stabs him)
                                    30977
                                      Meg:
                                      Drive.
                                      Brian:
                                      Any particular direction?
                                      Meg:
                                      That way!
                                      30976
                                        Mort:
                                        Well, at least I didn't get robbed. And what can I do for you two fine black men today?
                                        30975
                                          Stewie:
                                          You know, mother. They say your life is like a box of chocolates. Your life, however is more like a box of active grenades!
                                          30945
                                            Lois:
                                            Peter, why are we stopped?
                                            Peter:
                                            Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
                                            Lois:
                                            Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
                                            Peter:
                                            Oh that's right...and a kid's meal...