Roseanne Quotes
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    20667
      Crystal's baby:
      Whah! Whah! Whah!
      Becky:
      Now what's wrong?
      Darleen:
      Maybe you should change his diaper.
      Becky:
      I JUST CHANGED HIS DIAPERS A DOZEN TIMES!!!
      20666
        Becky:
        Cindy Clark's mom pays her two dollars an hour to babysit
        Roseanne:
        Well Cindy Clark's mother is a RICH drunken slut
        20665
          (Roseanne showing Jackie her witch's costume for halloween)
          Jackie: looks great, where'd you get the hat?
          Roseanne: my mother in-law.
          20664
            Darlene: do you think boobs will effect my pitching?
            Roseanne: not this season.
            20663
              Roseanne: no matter what we do we're gonna screw our kids up! Let me have Darlene and you can have Becky.
              Dan: what about D.J?
              Roseanne: we'll flip for it
              20662
                Roseanne and Darlene:
                "Hawks generally don't pass out on the couch after eating a quart of ice cream" - Darlene's response to Roseanne after Roseanne has been "watching her like a hawk"
                -Roseanne and Darlene
                20661
                  Dan:
                  Oh its a proud proud dayyyy
                  -Dan
                  20660
                    Roseanne:
                    "Welcome to Rosannadu" (to David after deciding to let him move in...Dan & Roseanne had just explained the rules of the house & that the rules could change at any time even for their amusement)
                    -Roseanne
                    20659
                      Darlene:
                      (to David) I can make you feel like a man...
                      Take out the trash.
                      -Darlene
                      20658
                        ROSEANNE:
                        WE MAY NOT HAVE ANY ELECTRICITY, BUT WE SURE KNOW THE SPEED OF STUPID
                        -ROSEANNE
                        20657
                          Roseanne and Becky:
                          Becky: Cindy Clark's mom lets her stay home alone!
                          Roseanne: YEAH WELL CINDY CLARK'S MOM IS A DRUNKEN SLUT!
                          -Roseanne and Becky
                          20656
                            Dan:
                            *heading for the frige* Grape grape grape grape grape! Grape grape grape grape grape! *get to the frige and gets a popicle* Orange orange orange orange orange! Orange orange orange orange orange!
                            -Dan
                            20655
                              Darleen Conner:
                              Oh, I think I found my lost hamster.
                              -Darleen Conner
                              20654
                                Darleen Conner:
                                Yes this is Mrs. Conner. Oh D.J.'s been very sick and hasn't been able to make it.
                                -Darleen Conner
                                20653
                                  Becky:
                                  Aunt Jackie took her seditives. I tried giving them to DJ but he wouldn't take them.
                                  -Becky
                                  20652
                                    Roseanne:
                                    God if you and me ever team up, wow!
                                    -Roseanne
                                    20651
                                      Roseanne:
                                      If I ever get off this sofa I will be unstoppable.
                                      -Roseanne
                                      20650
                                        Roseanne:
                                        Now that im rich I don't have time to run other people's lifes.
                                        -Roseanne
                                        20649
                                          Roseanne and Darlene:
                                          You guys don't think we get your corny little sex jokes. You kids are our corny little sex jokes.
                                          -Roseanne and Darlene
                                          20648
                                            Roseanne:
                                            Something is up, let's look for clue. David is pale and shaky so there is no clues there. But Darlene wants to sit next to me and complimented her brother hmm let me guess. Your pregnant! (silance) THAT WAS MY JOKE!
                                            -Roseanne