The Birds Quotes
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    13433
      Cathy Brenner: [while Melanie is playing the piano] I still don't understand how you knew I wanted lovebirds.
      Melanie Daniels: Your brother told me.
      Lydia Brenner: Then you knew Mitch in San Francisco. Is that right?
      Melanie Daniels: No, not exactly.
      [grabs a cigarette out of an ashtray]
      Cathy Brenner: Mitch knows a lot of people in San Francisco. Of course, they're mostly hoods.
      Lydia Brenner: Cathy!
      Cathy Brenner: Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice.
      Lydia Brenner: In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice...
      Cathy Brenner: Aw, Mom, please. I know all that democracy jazz. They're still hoods.
      [Mitch comes in]
      Cathy Brenner: He has a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times! Can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don't you think?
      Melanie Daniels: [to Mitch] Why did he shoot her?
      Mitch Brenner: He was watching a ball game on television.
      Melanie Daniels: What?
      Mitch Brenner: His wife changed the channel.
      [laughs and leaves]
      Cathy Brenner: Are you coming to my party tomorrow?
      Melanie Daniels: I don't think so. I have to get back to San Francisco.
      Cathy Brenner: Don't you like us?
      Melanie Daniels: Oh, darling, of course I do.
      Cathy Brenner: Don't you like Bodega Bay?
      Melanie Daniels: I don't know yet.
      Cathy Brenner: Mitch likes it very much. He comes up every weekend, you know, even though he has his own apartment in the city. He says that San Francisco's like an anthill up the foot of a bridge.
      Melanie Daniels: Well, I suppose it does get a little hectic at times.
      Cathy Brenner: Well, if you do decide to come, don't say I told you about it. It's suppose to be a suprise party. You see, they've got this whole complicated thing figured out, where I'm going to Michele's for the afternoon, and Michele's mother will say she has a headache. Would I mind very much if she took me home. And when I get here, all the kids'll jump out! Oh, won't you come. Won't you please come?
      Melanie Daniels: I don't think so.
      13432
        Mitch Brenner: Be able to find your way back all right?
        Melanie Daniels: Oh, yes.
        Mitch Brenner: Will I be seeing you again?
        Melanie Daniels: San Francisco's a long way from here.
        Mitch Brenner: Well, I'm in San Francisco five days a week with a lot of time on my hands, I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim.
        Melanie Daniels: How does Mother know what I like to do?
        Mitch Brenner: I guess we read the same gossip columns.
        Melanie Daniels: Oh, that. Rome.
        Mitch Brenner: Yeah, I really like to swim, I think we might get along very well.
        Melanie Daniels: In case you're interested, I was pushed into that fountain.
        Mitch Brenner: Without any clothes on?
        Melanie Daniels: With all my clothes on. The newspaper that ran that story happens to be a rival of my father's paper.
        Mitch Brenner: You're just a poor, innocent victim of circumstances, huh?
        Melanie Daniels: Well I'm neither poor nor innocent, but the truth of that particular...
        Mitch Brenner: Truth is you were running around with a pretty wild crowd, isn't it?
        Melanie Daniels: Well yes, that's the truth, but I was pushed into that fountain, and that's the truth, too.
        Mitch Brenner: Uh huh. Do you really know Annie Hayworth?
        Melanie Daniels: No. At least I didn't till I came up here.
        Mitch Brenner: So you didn't go to school together?
        Melanie Daniels: No.
        Mitch Brenner: And you didn't come up here to see her.
        Melanie Daniels: No.
        Melanie Daniels: You were lying!
        Melanie Daniels: Yes, I was lying.
        13431
          Mother in Diner: [to Melanie] Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? They said when you got here the whole thing started. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from! I think you're evil. EVIL!
          13430
            Mitch Brenner: What about the letter you wrote me, is that a lie, too?
            Melanie Daniels: No, I wrote the letter.
            Mitch Brenner: Well what did it say?
            Melanie Daniels: It said 'Dear Mister Brenner, I think you need these lovebirds after all. They may help your personality.'
            Mitch Brenner: But you tore it up?
            Melanie Daniels: Yes.
            Mitch Brenner: Why?
            Melanie Daniels: Because it seemed stupid and foolish.
            Mitch Brenner: Like jumping into a fountain in Rome?
            Melanie Daniels: I told you what happened!
            Mitch Brenner: You don't expect me to believe that, do you?
            Melanie Daniels: Oh, I don't give a damn what you believe!
            Mitch Brenner: I'd still like to see you.
            Melanie Daniels: Why?
            Mitch Brenner: I think it might be fun.
            Melanie Daniels: Well it might have been good enough in Rome, but it's not good enough now.
            Mitch Brenner: It is for me.
            Melanie Daniels: Well not for me!
            Mitch Brenner: What do you want?
            Melanie Daniels: I thought you knew! I want to go through life jumping into fountains naked, good night!
            13429
              Melanie Daniels: Get Cathy and Lydia out of here!
              13428
                Melanie Daniels: Just what is it you're looking for, sir?
                Mitch Brenner: Lovebirds.
                Melanie Daniels: Lovebirds, sir?
                Mitch Brenner: Yes. I understand there are different varieties. Is that true?
                Melanie Daniels: Oh yes, there are.
                Mitch Brenner: Well, uh, these are for my sister, for her birthday, see, and uh, as she's only gonna be eleven, I, I wouldn't want a pair of birds that were... too demonstrative.
                Melanie Daniels: I understand completely.
                Mitch Brenner: At the same time, I wouldn't want them to be too aloof, either.
                Melanie Daniels: No, of course not.
                Mitch Brenner: Do you happen to have a pair of birds that are... just friendly?
                13427
                  Sebastian Sholes, fisherman in diner: Hell, maybe we're all getting a little carried away with this. Admittedly a few birds did act strange, but that's no reason to...
                  Melanie Daniels: I keep telling you, this isn't 'a few birds'! These are gulls, crows, swifts...!
                  Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: I have never known birds of different species to flock together. The very concept is unimaginable. Why, if that happened, we wouldn't stand a chance! How could we possibly hope to fight them?
                  13426
                    Melanie Daniels: [worriedly, as she sees a man from the restaurant window lighting his cigar as gasoline is leaking around him] Look at the gas, that man's lighting a cigar!
                    13425
                      Cathy Brenner: Mitch, can I bring the lovebirds in here?
                      Lydia Brenner: No!
                      Cathy Brenner: But Mom, they're in a cage.
                      Lydia Brenner: They're birds, aren't they?
                      13424
                        Annie Hayworth: Don't they ever stop migrating?
                        13423
                          Mitch Brenner: See 'ya in court!
                          13422
                            Lydia Brenner: [reacting to Melanie's bird-inflicted wounds] Yes, of course, bandages! It's terrible!
                            13421
                              [first lines]
                              Melanie Daniels: Hello there, Mrs. MacGruder.
                              Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh, hello, Miss Daniels.
                              Melanie Daniels: Have you ever seen so many gulls? What do you suppose it is?
                              Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Well, there must be a storm at sea, that can drive them inland, you know. I was hoping you'd be a little late because he hadn't arrived yet.
                              Melanie Daniels: Oh, but you'd said three o'clock...
                              Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh I know, I know. I've been calling all morning. Oh, Miss Daniels you have no idea. They are so difficult to get, really they are. We have to get them from India, when they're just baby chicks, and then we have...
                              Melanie Daniels: But this one won't be a chick, will he?
                              Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Certainly not. Oh no, certainly not. This will be a full grown mynah bird, full grown.
                              Melanie Daniels: And he'll talk?
                              Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Well yes, of course he'll... well no, you'll have to teach him to talk. My. I guess maybe I'd better phone, they'd said three o'clock. Maybe it's the traffic. I'll call. Would you mind waiting?
                              Melanie Daniels: Well, maybe you'd better deliver him. Let - let me give you my address.
                              Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh, well, alright, but I'm sure they're on the way... Would you mind if I called?
                              Melanie Daniels: No, alright, but...
                              13420
                                Mother in Diner: Why are they doing this? Why are they doing this? They said when you got here, the whole thing started. Who are you? What are you? Where did you come from? I think you're the cause of all this. I think you're evil! EVIL!
                                13419
                                  Melanie Daniels: On Mondays and Wednesdays I work for the Travelers Aid at the airport.
                                  Mitch Brenner: Helping travelers?
                                  Melanie Daniels: No, misdirecting them.
                                  13418
                                    Mitch Brenner: I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim.
                                    Melanie Daniels: How does Mother know what I like to do?
                                    Mitch Brenner: I guess we read the same gossip columns.
                                    13417
                                      Annie Hayworth: Did you drive up from San Francisco by the coast road?
                                      Melanie Daniels: Yes.
                                      Annie Hayworth: Nice drive.
                                      Melanie Daniels: It's very beautiful.
                                      Annie Hayworth: Is that where you met Mitch?
                                      Melanie Daniels: Yes.
                                      Annie Hayworth: I guess that's where everyone meets Mitch.
                                      13416
                                        Doomsayer in diner: It's the end of the world
                                        13415
                                          Mitch Brenner: I just thought you might like to know what it's like to be on the other end of a gag. What do you think of that?
                                          Melanie Daniels: I think you're a louse.
                                          Mitch Brenner: I am.
                                          13414
                                            [last lines]
                                            Cathy Brenner: Can I bring the lovebirds, Mitch? they haven't harmed anyone.
                                            Mitch Brenner: Oh, alright; bring them.