The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! Quotes
      "It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girls dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day." -- Leslie Nielsen
        Frank: It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.
          Frank: Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat.
            Frank: Jane, since I've met you I've noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.
              Ed: A hunch won't stand up in court, Frank. What we need are hard facts.
              Frank: Look, Ed. Ludwig was the only one besides us who knew Nordberg was still alive. Next thing you know, some thug tries to knock him off in the hospital.
              Ed: Yeah, but going into Ludwig's office without a warrant, you're taking a big chance.
              Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan.
                Mayor: Now Drebin, I don't want any trouble like you had on the South Side like last year, that's my policy.
                Frank: Well, when I see five weirdos dressed in togas, stabbing a man in the middle of the park in front of a full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy.
                Mayor: That was a Shakesphere In The Park Production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!
                  Frank: It's fourth and fifteen and you're looking at a full-court press.
                    Frank: Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested.
                      Jane: Goodyear?
                      Frank: No, the worst
                        Jane: I've heard police work is dangerous.
                        Frank: It is. That's why I carry a big gun.
                        Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
                        Frank: I used to have that problem.
                        Jane: What did you do about it?
                        Frank: I just think about baseball.
                          [Jane climbs a ladder]
                          Frank: Nice beaver!
                          Jane: [producing a stuffed beaver] Thank you. I just had it stuffed.
                            Frank: Interesting... Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today.
                            Jane: I was young. I needed the work.
                              [Frank Drebin is emptying out his files after being kicked off the force]
                              Frank: Hey! The missing evidence in the Kelner case! My God, he really was innocent!
                              Ed: He went to the chair two years ago, Frank.
                              Frank: Well, uh...
                              [Frank Drebin quickly shoves the evidence back into the file cabinet]
                                [Frank Drebin is angrily breaking up with Jane Spencer]
                                Frank: Oh, and one more thing: I faked every orgasm!
                                Jane: [heartbroken] Oh, Funny Face.
                                  Jane: I wanted you to know, now, I've loved you since the first day I met you, and I'll never stop. I'm a very lucky woman.
                                  Frank: So am I...
                                    [offering a cigar]
                                    Vincent Ludwig: Cuban?
                                    Frank: No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales.
                                      [Drebin searches a drawer]
                                      Frank: Bingo!
                                      [pulls out a bingo card]
                                        Ludwig: So they were able to get him to the hospital in time?
                                        Frank: Yes, he's in the intensive care ward at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.
                                          Thug: Drebin?
                                          Frank: Yeah!
                                          Thug: I got a message for you from Vincent Ludwig.
                                          [Shoots gun at Drebin]
                                          Thug: Take this you son of a bitch!
                                          Frank: I can't hear you! Don't fire the gun while you're talking!
                                            Ed: Doctors say that Nordberg has a 50 - 50 chance of living, though there's only a 10 percent chance of that.