Billy Madison Quotes
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      "Are you in like, looser denial or something?" -Long Haired Nerd
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        "It's too damn hot for a penguin to be runnin' around!"-Billy
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          Billy: Take it easy psycho. You blew it, you lose.
          Eric: I ought to blow you away.
          Billy: Well go ahead and do it. (Eric begins to fire his gun at Billy). YIKES!!!!
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            Billy Madison: [drunk, he sees a fake a penguin] It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around. I gotta send you back to the South Pole.
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              3rd Grader: How's high school Billy?
              Billy Madison: High school is great. I'm learning new things and everyone is really nice.
              3rd Grader: Gee, I can't wait till I get to "hike" school.
              Billy Madison: [grabs 3rd grader's face and whispers] Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.
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                Billy : He called the shit poop. Ha ha ha.
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                  Brian Madison: Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? Rock: r-o-k?
                  Billy Madison: Yeah, so what's your point?
                  Brian Madison: r-o-C-k!
                  Billy Madison: Oh yeah! The c is silent.
                  13061
                    3rd Grader: Hey look everybody, Billy peed his pants.
                    Billy Madison: Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.
                    3rd Grader: Really?
                    Billy Madison: YES. You ain't cool, unless you pee your pants.
                    3rd Grader: Hey look, Ernie peed his pants too. Alright!
                    Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
                    Billy Madison: OOH. That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's Go.
                    13060
                      Veronica Vaughn: No milk will ever be our milk.
                      13059
                        Frank: When I graduated from first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.
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                          Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
                          Billy Madison: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.
                          13057
                            Lunch Lady: Have some more sloppy joes. I made 'em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like 'em sloppy.
                            Billy Madison: Lady, you're scaring us.
                            13056
                              Billy Madison: No I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? this girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll.
                              13055
                                Brian Madison: You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes...
                                Billy Madison: Actually I, uh, stole this shirt from Frank.
                                [Lifts his shirt to show "FRANK" written on the inside]
                                Brian Madison: Yea, well whatever, it's all my fault. I made a mistake.
                                [Looks up to see Billy lifting his shirt]
                                Brian Madison: What? Are you some damned moron?
                                13054
                                  Billy Madison: Bunt. B-U-N-T, in perfect cursive. Got any more brain busters?
                                  Veronica Vaughn: How about 'Rizzuto'?
                                  [Billy ponders, then writes]
                                  Veronica Vaughn: Rirruto?
                                  Billy Madison: Those're Z's.
                                  Veronica Vaughn: They look like R's to me.
                                  Billy Madison: You're cheating! Rizzuto's not a word! He's a baseball player!
                                  13053
                                    Billy Madison: Chlorophyll? More like BOREophyll.
                                    13052
                                      Teacher: Spell "couch".
                                      Little girl: Couch. C-O-W...
                                      Billy Madison: No!
                                      Teacher: [to little girl] No, I'm sorry, that is incorrect
                                      [to Billy]
                                      Teacher: Billy, if you spell this correctly you pass second grade.
                                      Billy Madison: Couch. C-O-R, uh, are you going to the mall today?
                                      Teacher: No I'm not goin to the mall, keep spelling, mister.
                                      Billy Madison: Couch. C-O-U-C-H!
                                      Teacher: That is correct!
                                      Billy Madison: I AM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!
                                      13051
                                        Carl: You should've eaten some triscuit crackers in the car like I did.
                                        Eric: If I knew you had triscuit crackers, then maybe I could've enjoyed them with you.
                                        Carl: I'm sorry.
                                        Eric: Well, sorry does not put the crackers in my stomach now, does it?
                                        13050
                                          "Billy, you know you shouldn't be pulling that crap in front of your father's business associates."-Juanita
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                                            "You're out! O'Doyle rules!"-O'Doyle (First Grade)