Matilda Quotes
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    31393
      Narrator:
      However, Mr. Wormwood failed to realize the mistake he just made. He told Matilda "When PEOPLE are bad, they need to be punished" instead of "When CHILDREN are bad."
      30927
        Mr. Wormwood:
        What is this trash you're reading?!
        Matilda:
        It's not trash, it's beautiful. It's Moby Dick by Herman Melville.
        Mr. Wormwood:
        Moby WHAT?!
        30698
          Kids:
          Yes, Miss Trunchbull.
          Boy:
          Sir.
          12558
            "Let's play a game, shall we? Who was wearing a pretty red...hair ribbon yesterday and isn't wearing one today? Hmmm? Can you answer me that?Who does this disgusting ribbon belong to? I shall personally see to it that the demented, drooling, slime-breathed little Lilliputian who owns this DIS-GUSTING ribbon will never see the light of day again."

            - Trunchbull
            12557
              Kids: "Yes, Miss Trunchbull."
              Boy: "Sir."
              12556
                "Agatha, this is Magnus. Give my little bumblebee her house and her money. Then get out of town. If you don't, I will get you. I will get you like you got me. That is a promise."

                - Kids reading what Matilda telekinetically writes on the chalkboard
                12555
                  Amanda: Miss. Honey taught us how to spell a long word yesterday. We can spell difficulty.
                  Ms. Trunchbull: You couldn't spell difficulty if your life depended on it.
                  Amanda: She taught us with a poem.
                  Ms. Trunchbull: (sarcastiacally) A poem, how sweet. What poem would that be?
                  Amanda: Mrs. D, Mrs. I...
                  Whole Class: ...Mrs. F, F, I. Mrs. C, Mrs. U, Mrs. L, T, Y.
                  *SLAM!*
                  Ms: Trunchbull: Why are all these women married?! Mrs. D, Mrs. I are supposed to be teaching spelling, not poetry!
                  12554
                    Agatha Trunchbull: Some Rats Are Gonna Die Today.
                    12553
                      Matilda: There's Another Crime In The Making: Your Car Is About To Run A Stop Sign.
                      12552
                        Narrator: "The Wormwoods lived in a very nice house in a very nice town... But they were not very nice people."
                        12551
                          Agatha Trunchbull: [On the phone] Wormwood! You useless, used-car-salesman scum! I want you around here now with another car! Yes, I know what caveat emptor means, you low life liar! I'm gonna sue you. I'm gonna burn down your showroom! I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill!
                          12550
                            Agatha Trunchbull: I like a joke as well as the next fat person!
                            12549
                              Agatha Trunchbull: You and your father think you can make a fool out of me!
                              Matilda: My father?
                              Agatha Trunchbull: The guy with the stupid haircut!
                              Matilda: I'm nothing like my father.
                              Agatha Trunchbull: You're the spitting image. The apple never rots far from the tree!
                              12548
                                Agatha Trunchbull: What are those?
                                Amanda Thripp: What's what Ms. Trunchbull?
                                Agatha Trunchbull: Hanging down by your ears,
                                Amanda Thripp: You mean my pig tails
                                Agatha Trunchbull: Are you a pig Amanda?
                                Amanda Thripp: No, Ms. Trunchbull.
                                Agatha Trunchbull: Do I allow Pigs in my school?
                                Amanda Thripp: My mommy thinks they're sweet.
                                Agatha Trunchbull: [bends down] Your Mommy, is a TWIT!
                                12547
                                  Harry Wormwood: Chew your food; you're an animal!
                                  12546
                                    Matilda: Dad?
                                    Harry Wormwood: What?
                                    Matilda: Yell at me, ok?
                                    Harry Wormwood: SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE!
                                    12545
                                      Matilda: I want to go to school.
                                      Harry Wormwood: School? It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? We can't leave valuable packages sitting out on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid.
                                      [Matilda leaves]
                                      Zinnia Wormwood: You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl.
                                      Harry Wormwood: Hmph, tell me about i
                                      12544
                                        Harry Wormwood: The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only four years old.
                                        Matilda: Six-and-a-half.
                                        Harry Wormwood: You're four!
                                        Matilda: Six-and-a-half!
                                        Harry Wormwood: If you were six-and-a-half, you'd be in school already.
                                        Matilda: I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen.
                                        Harry Wormwood: Get up, get up, get out of here, give me that book.
                                        [He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]
                                        Harry Wormwood: Dearest pie, how old is Matilda?
                                        Zinnia Wormwood: Four.
                                        Matilda: I'm six-and-a-half, mommy!
                                        Zinnia Wormwood: Five, then!
                                        12543
                                          Agatha Trunchbull: I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me.
                                          12542
                                            Matilda: Adopt me, Miss Honey! You can adopt me.
                                            Harry Wormwood: Look, I don't have time for all these legalities!
                                            Matilda: One second, Dad. I have the adoption papers.
                                            Zinnia Wormwood: What? Where did you get those?
                                            Matilda: From a book in the library. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox.