Vince:
"[Whilst looking out a telescope from the treehouse] Infrared night vision, 200-to-1 zoom. I gotta hand it to you, Gretch. You can see the whole school with this thing."
Gretchen:
"You can make lots of handy devices out of the spare parts in a family's garage. I once fashioned a particle accelerator out of a broken hair dryer. and a four-slice toaster oven."
Gretchen:
"Excuse me, but aren't supposed to eat dinner before dessert? [pauses; then TJ, Vince, Spinelli, Mikey, and Gus laughs]"
Ashley:
"Good one, Gretch."
TJ:
"Mom! Mom!"
Mrs. Detweiler:
"TJ are you all right?"
TJ:
"Mom those guys at the school are doing some kind of evil experience!"
Mrs. Detweiler:
"Oh dear that bog on the head must of rattled your little brain!"
TJ:
"But mom..."
Mrs. Detweiler:
"You're feverish. You wait right here. I'll go get the baby thermometer and the jelly."
Captain Brad:
"You are a pathetic excuse for a soldier, Griswald! You will never be a leader! Now, stand at attention until I return and do not move a muscle! Do you hear me? NOT A MUSCLE! [He walks away from Gus]"
Gus:
"[after Vince, Ashley, Gretchen, Mikey and the gang are about to leave for the school bus] Well, Teej? There's my transport. [to TJ] Hey, why don't you come with? Military camp's gonna be a blast!"
Captain Brad:
"Griswald, you maggot! Get your fanny over here, NOW!"
TJ:
"Eh. Thanks, Gus. But, I think I'll stick it out at home this summer."
Gus:
"Okay. But, you don't know what you're missing. [He runs to him] Hi, Captain Brad."
Captain Brad:
"I don't like you, Griswald! I am not your friend! Do I make myself clear?"
Gus:
"Yes, sir! Not looking for friendship, sir!"
TJ:
"Good luck, Gus. You're gonna need it. [Gus gets on the bus, waving goodbye to him and Captain Brad nabs him] Man, this summer's gonna whomp."
Mikey Blumberg:
"[while the gang is spying on Benedict] Uh, TJ? I got that feeling, again..."
TJ:
"Suck it in, big guy! [Mikey lets out a loud belch that echoes through the school]"
Benedict:
"...Somebody better say "Excuse me.""
Benedict:
"[in 1968] Pull up a bag, bro, I wanna rap."
Principal Prickly:
"Lay it on me, man."
Benedict:
"You see, Pete, I've been thinking, we're a new generation of teachers, right? It's time we shook things up a little."
Principal Prickly:
"I hear you brother, in fact, dig this. I was meditating to that new Ravi Shankar album last night when I got this righteous notion. WHat if we hold all our classes outside on the playground? Imagine, school, recess, no boundaries."
Benedict:
"Hey baby that's a hip idea but Pete I got a better thought here. As my first official act as principal, I've decided to get rid of recess."
Principal Prickly:
"What? No recess? But Phil! For a kid, recess is like a major play-in, it's the one time of day they have any freedom."
Newscaster:
"In other news, the national No Recess movement has hit a serious stumbling block with the disappearance of its leader, former Secretary of State, Philliam Benedict. Benedict, who was fired by the president 2 years ago for his extremist views, has recently been..."
Mr. Detweiler:
"[shuts off TV] No recess? What a bunch of hogwash!"
Benedict:
"It started at 3rd street, it will END at 3rd street."
TJ:
"What am I gonna do? Play baseball by myself? Watch reruns? Read?"
Benedict:
"[Flashback to 1968] Be cool, people. Be cool."
Female Protester:
"We'll be cool when you give our kids their recess back!"
Benedict:
"Hey, baby, I can do what I want! I'm the Principal of the school! And there's nothing anybody can do about it! Dig?"
Benedict:
"Oh, come now, Pete. There's no need to be rude. Not after I've instructed my men to provide you with special care."
Principal Prickly:
"Special care? That's what you call gagging me, tying me up, and taking away my pants?"
Benedict:
"Same old noble Pete. Always standing up for the rights of children."
TJ:
"[to Prickly] You?"
Ashley:
"Hey, remember that summer after the second grade when we went down to the pond every day to catch minnows?"
Gretchen:
"Or how about that summer we all carved our initials in that big tree in the Wilson's backyard?"
Vince:
"And Spinelli spelled her's wrong."
Ashley:
"Hey, I was seven. And "S's" are tricky. [Gus begins sobbing] What's your problem? This is the first summer you've lived here."
Gus:
"I know, and I'll never have any of those memories."
TJ:
"[Holding diary out of Becky's reach] Uh uh uh. I got copies. Now either you give me a ride or this baby hits the internet. [Becky frowns. Smash cut to Becky driving T.J. to his friends' various camps to the tune of Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild"]"
TJ:
"[on walkie talkie] I don't have time to explain, but I think we figured out what Benedict is up to. He's trying... to get rid of summer vacation!"
Mikey Blumberg:
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Benedict:
"Look, Pete, the 60s are over. All that peace and love and freedom stuff, yeah it was great for picking up chicks, but it's not gonna help my career. To do that, I gotta make test scores go up. And to make test scores go up, I gotta keep kids in class where they belong. That's why tomorrow I am tuning out recess once and for all."
Principal Prickly:
"[voiceover] Needless to say Philliam's plan didn't go over like he planned."
Mikey Blumberg:
"[boarding bus for singing camp] Bon voyage T.JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY! [shatters bus windows]"
Kindergartener:
"Wow, big kid sing good."
TJ:
"How do you know that jerk?"
Principal Prickly:
"How do I know him? We attended teacher training together."
TJ:
"You mean?"
Principal Prickly:
"That's right, Detweiler, that man is a rogue teacher. [flashback] It was the spring of '68, it was different times back then, all of us young, idealistic, ready to change the world."
Mrs. Finster:
"Peace Peter!"
Principal Prickly:
"Hey Murial, had a groovy time at the Dead festival last night."
Mrs. Finster:
"You gonna be at the teach in, Saturday? We're gonna paint my Volkswagen!"
Principal Prickly:
"Wouldn't miss it for the world!"
Principal Prickly [in voice over]:
"Yes, we all thought we were pretty cool back then, but there was one guy who was the coolest of us all. Philliam Benedict was my best friend, and he had just been named Principal of 3rd Street School."
TJ:
"Hey, watch it! I've got a black belt in origami!"