Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday The 13th
Release: October 17, 2000

Several of the biggest teen horror hits of the 1990s get slashed in this satiric comedy. Hagitha Utslay (Tiffani Amber Thiessen) is a television reporter with Empty-V News who is covering a series of murders that have the students of Bulimia Falls High School quaking in their boots. The school's principal (Coolio) knows something must be done and decides to hire a top security force to protect the student body; unfortunately, he has to settle for Doughy (Tom Arnold), an inept rent-a-cop who recently lost his job patrolling a shopping mall. Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th also features Shirley Jones, Simon Rex, Majandra Delfino, and Jimmie Walker; the film was directed by John Blanchard, who previously helmed episodes of the television series The Kids in the Hall and SCTV.

Trailers
Posters
Quotes
PA: "[voice-over] May I have your attention for the results of yesterday's pregnancy tests. Susan Savinski: negative. Melissa Blake: positive. Jonathan Whiner: negative."
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Mr. Lowelle: "Hello gang, welcome to Sex Education. If you aren't registered for this course or are a Southern Baptist, you're in the wrong room."
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Maitre'D: "Do you have a reservation sir?"
Dawson: "Dawson."
Maitre'D: "Party of five?"
Dawson: "Wrong network!"
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Nurse: "...and that's how I knew I wasn't a lesbian!"
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Nurse: "Sex can be a beautiful, sensual experience between a man and a woman who truly love each other and want to spend eternity together laying in each other's gentle embrace. Or it can be a dirty, filthy spank-fest in a bus station restroom shared by two anonymous consenting adults on a layover in Detroit and no one ever need know!"
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Doughy: "Hagatha. Now that's a beautiful name."
Hagatha: "Thanks. My friends call me Hag."
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Doughy: "Hagatha. Now that's a beautiful name."
Hagatha: "Thanks. My friends call me Hag."
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Boner: "Hey guys, I have an idea! Let's all make a pact to lose our virginity before graduation!"
Doughy: "I'm in!"
Barbara, Slab, Dawson, Martina: "WE'RE NOT!"
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Barbara: "What are you doing here anyway, Doughy? You're not a real cop. Shouldn't you be guarding the Orange Julius?"
Boner: "[fake coughing] N.Y.P.D. GAP!"
Slab: "[fake coughing] Sergeant Sears!"
Barbara: "[fake coughing] Food court police!"
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Barbara: "Well, at least I feel safe here. Hi Chuckie!"
Chuckie: "Wanna play?"
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Martina: "Did you hear the news? About Screw. She was killed. Murdered. Gutted. Flayed. Sliced. Diced. Fried. And hung."
Boner: "I'm never gonna get laid."
Martina: "Oh, and it's all over the TV news."
Boner: "Oh, great! Now everybody knows."
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PA: "[voice-over] Attention students, the fight between the Bloods and the Crips is postponed until next Friday. Refreshments and a lovely dance will follow."
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Screw: "[call waiting beeps] Is that yours or mine?"
Killer: "Ignore it. I have voice mail."
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Martina: "All right, listen. There are certain rules that you have to follow in a parody situation if you want to survive. Rule number one: exaggerate everything. Number 88: accept the ridiculous as logical."
Martina: "[flash to Boner getting down with a girl] Sexual sight gags, always funny. [Boner making sex noises while pulling out a splinter] And along with wacky sound effects... [Boner unzipping his pants with a "boing!" sound] And unlimited absurdity. [Killer frightens Boner into a heart attack with a chainsaw] Remember: nothing is sacred. [cross falls onto bed]"
Dawson: "You're forgetting, point out the obvious. [holds up a "dead man" sign pointing to Slab]"
Martina: "And finally, perpetually painful stereotypes."
Pimp: "Dat's ridikkulous!"
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Martina: "Didn't your whole family get chopped up and fed to a fish farm?"
Dawson: "Allegedly."
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School PA: "[voice-over] Good morning students. Cheerleader tryouts will be held today after school in the gym. You must be 18 and comfortable with partial nudity."
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Killer: "Do you think this stalking stuff is easy? [a splashing sound is heard]"
Screw: "Did you just fall in my pool?"
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Killer: "Do you like scary movies?"
Screw: "Oh. What, you mean like Spike Lee movies?"
Killer: "Look, lay off the Spikester! He's keeping it real!"
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PA: "[voice-over] Would the following students please report to the Principal's office: Jack Mehoff, Mike Hunt, Lou Zer, and Heywood Jablomee."
Added By: Clint_Olson
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