I'm Pastor John and I will give you teachings in this thread - the online Retro Church.
In today's service I will talk to you about one of the sins. Benchmarklessness. Benchmarklessness is the act of calling non-retro items or eras "retro". The Retro Bible states that only retro items shall be referred to as retro.
So what is a retro item or era? Let's read:
"A retro item or era is one that meets the Holy Criteria at the back of the Retro Bible."
If you look at the back of your Retro Bible and an item or era fails to pass the Holy Criteria, it should not be called "retro" lest you commit the sin of Benchmarklessness.
Now let us sing a hymn in the name of Lord Retrospect
"He makes us love old toys That we loved as girls and boys We pray, everyday in any retro way
The legends never told About the ancient gold Lost in our attic But magic not static
The retro gems are there The retro voice we hear Praise to Retrospect Praise to Retrospect Praise to our Lord"
That concludes today's service. May us all have a good week. Until next time. Amen.