bassman, thanks for those stories and I must say I relate fully to your experiences and observations about society. I can especially relate to the kids that you saw in and how the mothers didn't allow him to grow. When you physically, verbally abuse and neglect your child from a young age, they become emotionally stunted most times if done long and frequently enough because of the chemical reactions to the negative actions.
As I've stated here before I'm not against spanking children, but it should used to enforce the important rules. Furthermore it isn't something that older kids should be getting much of. What I've observed in society is parents tend to spank children that are emotionally and physically undeveloped longer than one that is. So a kid that is late to hit puberty may still get regular spankings into high school just because mom and dad is bigger. What angers me is parents that keep their kids weak just so they can control them longer. They will not let them play with other kids their own age to keep them from influencing them, will not let them play sports and will treat them like a small child so they can't mature.
While I had to deal with yelling and occasionally being hit out of anger. My biggest issue was my mom treating me like a little boy longer than she should have. Not controlling per say, but just doing everything for me. Things like fixing my plate, cutting my meat, putting my clothes out for me, running my bath water just to name a few. There was a point I would get mad at her if she didn't do something she normally did or didn't do it right. I should have been doing these things myself, but I was dependent on her to do them. This made me seem like a spoiled brat at times, but it was ultimately my mom's fault. It also made me look spoiled to people in society which I think opened the door to some bullying. I went through a stage where I was very sensitive emotionally and I blame it on my mom babying me emotionally. I really didn't fully get away from my mom's babying until a left home. Well she still does when I visit, but I enjoy it lol Oddly enough it didn't have any long term effects on me. I'm actually very independent and self sufficient. I became this way not because of my parents though, but because of positive outside influences including having management positions at work.
It sounds like you have a lot of unresolved issues Roman. Hopefully you have or will find some closure. The best advice I can give you is to forgive your mother. Except the fact that she was mentally ill. Understand it was in the past and there is nothing you can do to change it. Understand there is pain in life and that experience only made you stronger. Finally look forward instead of backwards. Understand it was a previous chapter in your life. I know it's hard to let it go, but it will be for the better.
bassman, I can totally relate about the babying part and the negative consequences. Even though my mother abused me in all the ways I've mentioned, she also treated me like a child longer than she had to which in a way makes a child dependent longer on a parent than they should and stunts their social and emotional development which other people can pick out. As for spankings, I think using words is much more effective than any physical violence. Physical violence of any kind shouldn't be used on a helpless and vulnerable child. Nothing good can come out of spanking because you're sending the wrong message to the child that it's ok to hit and control to get your way. Teaching a child effective communication skills is much more effective than simply controlling him into submission and making them feel even more helpless than they already do.