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2 years 13 days ago
- Posts: 1769
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I don't see the curse words there really add anything. It doesn't rub me the wrong way but on that point I agree with prophetsword. They don't make your writing, in this case, more funny or interesting. And when writing or editing, in all cases, good policy is to make sure every word is important and remove any that are not.
If you want to curse a lot to truly entertaining effect, I'd say listen to Richard Pryor and George Carlin, and understand when they curse, and why.
Clearest example here: "Well do you remember those fucking walls?" This is cursing with abandon. It makes no sense, there is no reason for "fucking" to be there. It sounds angry but that doesn't seem to be the intended tone of that sentence at all. Later in the paragraph I could see it, although you already put in a "damnit".
I would have liked to read more about 'how to put cheese on the worst way', and the conspiracy. Draw those out into a paragraph each, could be very good. I bet the cheese stuff could use a "goddamned" or a "shit". I plain don't understand the line about "goddamnned communist lathes".
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